1. You never get to be a couple - you're always going to be limited by the needs of the child. You can't take off to Vegas for the weekend, or go to dinner on a whim, or even just enjoy a quiet night at home. It's an instant family, not just a girlfriend. 2. You'll never be her #1 - you'll be lucky to be #3. 3. If it doesn't work out, it isn't just hard on her, it's also hard on the kid. 4. In many cases, the guy literally ends up paying to raise another man's child. 5. Some men simply don't want kids.
Now, obviously, some guys are fine with a woman having kids and the issues that come along with that - maybe they've always wanted kids and love the idea of taking care of one. But you have to accept the reality that, all else being equal, most guys would prefer a woman without a child over one with a child.
Finally, saying "our relationship just didn't work out" really downplays the fact that you chose to create another human being (!) with a man that you almost certainly didn't choose very wisely, and that tends to mean that you make life-altering decisions with relatively little care. That's not a trait that most men look for in a girlfriend or potential wife.
Obviously I know nothing about your specific situation, so don't take that personally (unless it applies), but it's a legitimate data point for someone to use when evaluating your suitability as a relationship partner for them.
Definitely no. Best case scenario (for me) they separated due to death, but then I'd have big shoes to fill. If they had a child out of wedlock, then the man obviously isn't responsible enough to use birth control. If they had a failed marriage, then I don't want to be with someone who fails at that. If they just didn't work, then the guy obviously didn't care enough about marriage to get married so easily to some one not good enough.
I won't marry someone who's been married, it isn't really about the child.
Marriage and children is the final, most important vow one can make. Not my fault you wasted it on someone else. My ideal relationship is someone who'll save the best for last. even if it takes me 10 years to be sure, I'll date someone that long to be certain my choice is correct. To tell you I think this is it, and I'll only ever love one person enough to marry him.
If my marriage fails, then I will just give up after that.
(I know it's extremist, but id rather love fully or not at all)
1. Being a single mother is either a pretty good sign for bonding issues and/or being careless.
2. As the new guy you never really know if the woman is interested in you or in you becoming the substitute dad.
3. The child always comes first.
4. The unnecessary stress this entire situation has including the possible confrontations with the Dad isn't worth it.
5. She is already dating while her son is an infant? That literally screams red flag.
6. Potentially investing time, energy and affection into a child that she could take away without any legal rights on your side. Aka you might really become THE substitute dad and she breaks up and you have no possibility to stay in touch with your child.
For most of my life I would have said no, at least not seriously dating. But lately I'm trying to date more serious women, so I would probably be open to it now if we were a great match, she was really my type, etc
I'm a straight woman so I'll answer with the roles reversed.
No, I would not date a man who has an infant son mainly because there are too many painful complex frustrations that come along with dealing with a single parent's leftover family. The only exception for me would be if he was a widower or a truly amazing, once in a lifetime type of man. I don't want to be burdened by the stress of an angry, bitter baby mama who is possessive over her little one (rightfully so... she did carry him for 9 months and I imagine it would feel like crap to be single and watch your ex experience a family unit with another woman). I don't want to have to worry about getting attached to a child that I have absolutely zero legal rights to so if things don't work out then I have to feel the pain of severing not one, but TWO attachments.
I don't date single parents because I don't want to be a stepmother. Also, the child will always come first, not me. I would put my boyfriend first, but for him it would always be his child so it's not equal.