Does my boyfriend's mom dislike me because of my skin color?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over nine months now - he is Japanese American (his parents moved to America and had their children here) and I am African American; we are both in our early twenties. His parents have known that he has a girlfriend, but they have never met me until two weeks ago when his mother suggested for him to bring me over to their house so that we can all have dinner together and get to know each other better, which made me very happy that she was interested in getting to know me. When we pulled up to his parents house they were standing on the front step with welcoming smiles on their faces, but as soon as I stepped out of the car the smile disappeared from his mother's face. I went up to greet her, but her only reaction was looking from me to her son in disbelief. After we all came into the house and I met his younger brother, my boyfriend suggested that I help his mother finish with dinner, but she quickly, but politely requested that I didn't. Which didn't phase me, but as we were all eating she kept looking me over, mostly my hair and face; that made me feel a little uncomfortable. I didn't say anything to my boyfriend about it until he was driving me back to my place, but he told me not to worry about it. Do you think that she might not like me because of how I look? I keep telling myself that it's all in my head, but the way that she reacted makes me a little suspicious and worried at the same time.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • African Americans are not viewed well by Japanese people. I lived in Japan for more than 5 years and they tend to not have a favorable view of black folks from what I saw and it's rampant through out Asian cultures. Although this is the West so she'll just have to get used to the idea that if you love her son you are here to stay and she'll just have to get over it. Stay your course, and keep your composure, just know she was raised in a racist environment, most likely. There are others there that do accept others but it's more so the younger ones. Whites are tolerate more so than other races but are still viewed with suspicion.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm an Asian. I could understand his family's perspective. Yes, most of the Asians are educated not to be dating with some specific races as we often label them. This usually happen in older generation, meaning his parents, also my parents. It's not like racist in my point of view, but it's like a culture, people don't like this culture would consider its racist and I respect that. People who don't care just don't care. You cannot change their attitude towards them, or it just take takes and a lot of efforts. I'm glad that your boyfriend could stand by you and tell you not to worry. So just don't worry that much.. You cannot change the fact that you are African American, and you cannot just unlove him. The only thing you can change is your own feeling toward how his parents view on you. Relax... Trust your boyfriend and everything will be good.. :) good luck :)

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What Guys Said 13

  • "Do you think that she might not like me because of how I look?"

    Yes. Asians are known to not really like other ethnicities but other Asians and whites.

    That being said your boyfriend made it clear to not worry about it. He didn't say it isn't what you think like, but he clearly stated to not worry about it. That means he is aware, but sticks to you and knowns his mom will get used to it. So you really shouldn't worry about it.

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  • Culturally, most Asian cultures are known to dislike having other ethnicities intermarry with theirs, this includes whites and african-derived people..

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  • Asian parents are strict like that. unless he's a real momma's boy, she probably won't influence his love for you. Hope it works out for you two, since i love when couples are mixed like that. Just goes to show how much people can love each other for who they are :D

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  • I don't know tbh from what i hear and read Asians like white skin and try to look as white as possible, you have two options , stick around and force them to like your or wait and see or... move on and find someon else , its a battle between you and his family.

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  • yes Asian people are often pretty racist towards black people when it comes to dating.

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  • To be precise it's because of your race, not your skin color. If you had a completely Asian skin tone tomorrow it wouldn't solve the problem.

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  • Yea well maybe she may not have expected that. But you shouldn't worry about your bfs mom. Plenty of women of same race have mom-gf problems. How was his dad to you? And i wish you guys all the best!

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  • Asians are racist as hell.

    Not, you're my slave racist but more like you can't date my son racist...

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  • If you love him, and he loves you, you two are grown adults, his mom can LFS her self,

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  • The world, taken as a whole, is still extremely racist and tribal.
    But you're dating him and not his mom - it's his opinion that matters.

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  • Asians are often very ethnic centric, they really don't like other races or ethnicities, Japanese tend to stay with Japanese, as well as Chinese and other Asians ethnicities as well, it's just a cultural thing they don't like to intermix, contrary many countries aren't as racially mixed as the United states and the Americas.

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    • In my experiences Asian families would almost prefer to have their children marry Caucasians instead of other Asian ethnic groups. There is still a lot of bad blood.

  • They probably thought you would steal their push bikes

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What Girls Said 4

  • Yes, it seems to me that she doesn't like you because of your looks.
    I heard that Asians only like Asians and white people. So, it must be hard for you.
    I understand that this makes you uncomfortable and maybe sad, but at the same time your boyfriend seems aware of this.
    So, he won't be a coward and he will stand up for you if something happens.

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  • You do know a good amount of Asian families out there are racist towards anyone outside their race or ethnicity right? As good looking as I think Asian guys are even I would debate if I should go for it or not (if I was single) because I know that Asian parents and grandparents can be not so friendly towards other races or ethnicities.

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  • Oh come on, please, she dislikes you not because of your skin color. She dislikes you because you are a Negro, and African-American, black, colored whatever you want to call it, whatever you have to phrase it, whatever is popular or well accepted today. I could go outside sit in the sun for three days and come out darker than you. But (and this is a true story) when I went to college in Atlanta Georgia (I come from New York City) and met a guy's parents at a restaurant in Atlanta (they came from a small town called Blue Ridge) everything went fabulously. I was deeply tanned but they realized that was so. I dressed immaculately and conservatively, even wore a dress which for me was out of character since I always wear jeans. We laughed and we talked we shared and everything went perfectly.
    That is until his father asked me what church I went to and my reply was, "I don't go to church. I go to synagogue. I'm Jewish."
    THAT WAS ENOUGH. IF THERE WAS A GAS CHAMBER AROUND I WOULD HAVE BEEN PUSHED INTO IT!!!
    So please do not mitigate the obvious. It is not our skin color. It is not our skin tone. It is not our skin anything. It is our beliefs or our race and it is based on nothing else but prejudice. I know you were trying to calm down the obvious. Well I wasn't and if you find me obnoxious I apologize.
    Your boyfriends mother does not like you because you are black. How you deal with it is up to you. I cannot advise you how to do so. I can tell you how I dealt with my problem I dropped the guy, told him exactly why and for the next three years never accepted a date from a guy who grew up in Georgia and told them exactly why and would not listen to their arguments such as, their parents are different, their family is different, blah blah blah ("well my mother's sister married an Eskimo – we used to hate the Jews but we've learned since and you would be a welcome addition – a Jewish rabbi once came over to our house and everything was fine." [by the way, I have never met a Christian rabbi or a Hindu rabbi].
    In summary I will never date a guy who grew up in Georgia. I have since dated Christian guys, Asian guys black guys green guys, Jewish guys etc. but never guys who grew up in the deep South. Oh one more thing – I will not date a Muslim. No matter where he comes from.

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  • sorry but what you typed above might be the truth :( you're not to be blamed its the mother the one that should change her mind set

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