How long should a break last in a relationship?

My boyfriend wanted a break after an argument on Wednesday, the initial argument was Saturday night. Probably the worst we've ever had. He messaged me Friday about work because something came up (we work at the same place and management needed to get in contact with me and kept going to him) and we haven't talked since then. It's Sunday now. How long should a break be? Can I message him after a few days or should I wait for him? Not sure how this works.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I would definitely say ask him, obviously you don't want to leave it hanging but you don't want to jump on it. Its obvious that something either needs to be changed with you two or a break up may be required. What i would say however is that one of you is not at peace with this juncture, on of you is holding on while the other is simply hanging. That is not a cause to stop trying but its a wake up call to understand through each other that arguments however small or big should not effect the entire relationship. <3 boom.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • At first I thought a break was impossible, that it meant the end, but it doesn't. It's usually not with timespan you decided before the break. Things just happen and you take your time. I had a break once and it wasn't clear if it was over forever or if we were gonna be together again the next day. It eventually took over a month with us. But we are back together and we are actually happier than before. It really did us good. Things just happen in life (my boyfriend had a horrible year with his two best friends dying) and you need some time alone to tink sometimes.

    One advise: don't see other guys too soon when you're not sure about how serious the break is. For a good looking girl (you seem like you get some attention as well) it often happens that all the guys are gonna try their luck with you and it can be tempting especially if there aren't any rules set. Often during a longer break , the girl has sex, while for the guy it's not that easy. So it can be a mess when you get back together. Just like you, my boyfriend and I worked at the same place (different floors luckily) and a coworker, who was hot but pretty much an asshole, hit on me and we had casual sex a couple times. He was such an ass that one time he texted my boyfriend and made him walk in on us fucking. Me and my boyfriend are fine now and talked about it but I think that will haunt him for a while. So try to stay away from other guys. Seriously, this is the biggest danger during a break. Other people. Even if it's something casual.

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What Guys Said 24

  • Honestly, if a couple is "on a break", it tells me that the relationship is over. Personally, I don't understand how a relationship can be "on hold". There's way too much confusion and drama that can come along with seeing someone else during the hiatus. That and it just leaves too much ambiguity in general.

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  • If you are talking a break and not just breaking up by the indirect method, then you should agree on a time to get back together before you start the break. Are you sure this isn't his way of breaking up?

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    • We have a mutual friend and she keeps telling me not to break up with him because he is a very depressed individual and he would have already broken up with me. So I don't know.

    • Show All
    • We talked about having a future together a lot, or at least that we saw one. Even when we argued at our worst we were both concerned about each other's well being. I told him before the second argument that I didn't want to give up on him and he apologized about needing time to himself especially after arguing again. Which was my fault that time

    • At the very least, text him and ask when he would like to get together again. You need to know whether this is temporary or permanent.

  • Permanently.

    If you have such problems so early in the relationship, it's a sign of poor incompatibility. If you're having such problems and you're into the relationship by several years, it's also a bad sign. Not sure which is worse.

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  • A break is just a period of time to reevaluate whether the relationship has a future.

    But if you have to think about it so much, there probably isn't.

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  • IMHO, it's eventually become permanent. Needing to take a break from a relationship is... not a good sign.

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  • As long as it takes for both parties to cool down enough to think clearly about the relationship.

    You can reach out to him if you want. However, trying to rush a break is a terrible idea. If he hasn't had enough alone time, he may request another break soon after the first.

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  • The person who initiated the brake, the one who wanted the space, they should be the one to reconnect.

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  • Until you're ready. It's all up to you and him.

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  • Usually a few days should be good enough for the level to come down so that the two parties can speak without yelling.

    TBH I hate arguing so I normally say... come back and talk to me when you have calmed down.

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  • I will be typically blunt , it's over !! Far better to be single than in a " relationship " that is basically open warfare between both partners.

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  • From what i noticed around me, if you have to hit a break in your relationship its quite doomed.

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  • Personally, I don't take breaks I just break up. taking a break is a very good sign that the relationship is on its last leg. I just move on.

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  • Permanently.

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  • As long as the person asking for the break wants.

    If he asked for a break, probably you where over pursuing. Instead treat him like any other person, because been yourself is what attracted him to you in the first place.

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  • if you're used to contacting each other daily... "space" would denote 3-4 days of no contact.

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  • What did u guys argue about

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  • Ideally there should be no such thing as a break. I hope it gets resolved.

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  • 21 days.

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  • you need to wait for him, not messege.

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  • I don't know tbh

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  • Well, it depends on how intense the argument was.

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  • Breaks indicate lack of commitment. Imagine if you are married.. you can't take a break. You will not last long term.

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  • ohhh about a million years

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  • As long as you both get the spark back

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What Girls Said 29

  • I think "breaks" in a relationship are the stupidest things ever. If you want a break from the relationship, that's a break-up, otherwise work it out together as a couple. Don't be a dick (not you) about it and make the other person wait around to see if you want to see them or not, that's bullshit. I'd say ask him to make a choice, he wants to be in the relationship or he doesn't, none of this "having a break indefinitely" crap. If he doesn't want to see you and work on the problem, then say it's a break-up, because you won't just wait around feeling stressed.

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  • It may be hard, @Rei13 to take this 'Break,' For you Both... Work at the same place.
    For now, Give him his space and let him allow himself to miss some of your face. He will Text you if he cares enough.
    As far as work, Be civil with one another. And with seeing your Face at this Place every day, It could be easier to work things out With... Missing the Kissing.
    Many couples take a break when they feel they need Space or to See if it is worth the effort to Continue in being together. There is no real time factor, However, if you eve get the Excuse "Let's just see what happens in the future for now," You will know it is a lame duck excuse for him buying more Time while he keeps you and your heart on a Line.
    Good luck and No chasing. xx

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  • If my boyfriend said he needed a 'break', I'd take it as him wanting to break up.
    If he didn't reach out to me for a couple of days following a big fight.. yeah, I'd message him. Message him and tell him it's unacceptable to take a week off from your relationship because of a fight.

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  • I don't believe in relationship breaks.

    If you need a break from each other, it means your bond is pretty weak and superficial. I find couples that break up/have breaks then get back together to be ridiculous.

    A break to reevaluate a relationship in layman's terms means "this relationship sucks and is bringing me a lot of stress, but maybe I can find a plus side that will make me want to keep this dead horse alive". So even if you get back together, it's because one person decided this train wreck of a relationship is kinda sorta salvageable for now, not a sudden epiphany that you're the best most amazing person on the planet and they want go spend the rest of their lives with you.

    So think about whether you really want to be someone's "eh, that'll do".

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  • Yeah I agree, I would ask him how long & if he doesn't know or refuses to answer then give him an ultimatum & say you're only going to wait this long.. Then give an approx time you are willing to wait. If he cares about you & wants to stay together, he will give you an answer, especially if you have to say that. But if he doesn't & continues to be vague, I would move on.

    My now ex fiance would get mad at me especially if something bad happened to HIM that didn't even involve me & he would break up with me. He had done it so many times I got used to it. But then after his last dumbass "episode" of constant alcoholism, I decided he was never going to change & so I broke up with him. I haven't seen him in like 2 months & he won't stop calling. Its very annoying. When I wanted him to call me like this, he refused. Now that I want out, he won't leave me alone.

    I'm sorry that was so long BUT I just don't want other women to have to experience what I did. If he shows any sign of that behavior, get out while you can.

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  • It's not for you to decide. I mean if you feel two weeks is long enough or whatever and he doesn't then get to stepping. Usually 'taking a break' is simply used as a warning sign or period for him to get the nerve to cut it off all together. Usually he is hopping you will take the hint.

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  • There shouldn't be any breaks at all. I believe "time to oneself" so they can think and reevaluate their life but time apart? Then i might as well break up with that person because ill definitely be seeing other people. I know from experience when i told a guy i dealt with i needed space.. I disappeared and never called back when he tried calling me. As he made a call days later i didn't bother pick up till 4 minutes later just to throw in a slight effort to not seem shady. But as soon as he didn't pick up the call i was gone and i wasn't worried about him.. my excuse to ditch him so he couldn't say i cut him off.

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  • I don't know either. When someone say a break I assume its over and he dead to me.

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  • You should listen to space by the Jonas guy but yah... you need space? A real relationship has space in it.

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  • I think you can still message him, it really depends on what the break entails, which should be discussed between the two of you. I would say a week to cool down and try to get back in your normal comfort zone.

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  • Don't message him... That is a sign that he needs space... A break is never a good thing and almost always leads to a break up... so prepare yourself.

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  • Breaks happen. I feel like anything exceeding over 2 days to a week is just a relationship that has no hope and future anymore. You should message him.. Don't wait for him to message you

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  • So you're wondering when you should talk to him again while he's out getting laid?

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  • Definitely not a yr. Maybe 2 weeks to 2 months...

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  • You should wait till he calls you. I've been there.

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  • I don't believe in breaks. I feel like that's just an excuse to go mess around. If he's upset 1 day or 2 be the most without seeing each other just to let them calm down but even then they should somewhat be communicating with you.

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  • I'd advise you to message him and find out what's going on. There is no point in waiting and for you to then find out that it's a permanent break.

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  • That is determined by your choice and soul's need.
    I m alone, because i know what i dont want to.
    And will stay alone until find true man.

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  • I don't think a break should ever be in a relationship

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  • I've had breaks last between a week and sometimes a month. Depends on why a break was needed.

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  • You should message him and ask if he's ready to revisit talking. If he says no, then you wait for him to be ready.

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  • 0 days?

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  • I would message him asking to talk about the situation and then go from there

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  • He needs a break? He needs time to reevaluate whether the relationship has a future?
    Make it easy for him. Let him now today that it doesn't. Why do you need a guy like this anyway?

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  • There shouldn't be a break in a relationship. You either work it out or you don't. Its that simple. Honestly from experience breaks just make everythinh worse.

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  • FOREVER.

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  • a week end and never more than a week

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  • Message him on Wednesday. That should have given him a week to calm down.

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  • I mean, I don't know. I think it is just whatever you two decide. It isn't like a specific number of days that you can take a break and then come back happy. But honestly, I prefer to take things head on. Instead of waiting around pointlessly for a certain amount of time to pass before ypu officially end your break, just go to him, tell him that you want to put the argument behind you, apologize (even if you don't think you were wrong everybody plays SOME part in an argument) and then ask to get back together.

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