Am I good enough for any guy?

I don't know if I'll ever find a better guy. I'm only 19 but I wanted my first boyfriend to be my last and he broke up 2 weeks ago, won't talk to me etc.

He was a great and funny guy despite being volatile and afraid of commitment, but I felt like he loved me at one point. I spent less time with friends and argued with my family cos of him. They didn't like how I was in law school, and I payed for his holidays and movies, cooked for him and his family whenever I stayed over, bought movie tickets etc when he didn't have a job and only liked playing the video games I bought him. But in the end he still left me because he didn't love me he said. All the time spent on holidays was either eating or going to computer stores to find parts cuz he was building his own computer (which I paid for mostly). I didn't argue or anything. I'm not submissive and I'm independent but all I wanted was for him to be happy.

What do I need to do for my next relationship?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You didn't do anything wrong except try to make it work when it wasn't.

    Next time, expect more. Be ready to move on if he's not giving you as much back effort wise as you're putting in.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Unmm I think the question is was this guy good enough for you? You can do way better! You're so young, you'll have sooo many more guys and relationships in the future. I know it doesn't seem like it now but one day you'll look back and think "wtf was I thinking?" Haha watch, you'll see.

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    • Thank you so much for the encouragement! :) God bless

What Guys Said 8

  • You sound like a great girl.

    The drawbacks on this guy are huge ones... volatlie and afraid of commitment... big red flags. It sounds like you found a "bad boy" in more than one way. He was bad, a boy... immature, and to be honest, he isn't ready for you.

    Why don't you get a counselor to talk to, I'd recommend that to anyone. It helps... I'm not sure if you are so giving because you are just generous or because you are needy and want people to like you so you give stuff. Needy is bad and sign of emotional wound.

    I'm working on a dating book, here's some thoughts. Why don't you date to get to know other people and yourself. So that way, there is a lot less pressure for anything and not commitment. Get to know personality types and what you like, what you don't like. Ask them about how their parents treated them, have fun.

    Spending less time with friends and family can happen, but that isn't good. you need to have a balanced life... that can include him, but you need time for yourself as well. A healthy relationship is two people, stable on their own, who want to be with each other. You get along well, can talk openly, negotiate and work through issues together and it is low bad stress, high fun. you laugh a lot. Find that! Neither one of you is going to be perfect...

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  • You need to move beyond the idea that your next boyfriend should be your last boyfriend. You told us all of the things that you did for your boyfriend but you didn't mention anything that he did for you. Despite y our comment about not being submissive, you were. You were used and then you were dumped.

    Develop standards for what you want in a boyfriend and do not compromise ion those standards. If you are eager to make your next boyfriend your last boyfriend, you will start making excuses and forgiving him for the bad things he does and you will overlook all of the ways in which he does not meet your standards.

    Don't be in a rush to find The One. That task is far too important to be rushed.

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  • i feel like you went overboard.

    why did you do so much for him.

    no, don't answer that. just don't do it with the next guy you meet.

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  • You need the relationship to be even. That last one was really one sided with you doing the work in it while he just got the benefits of it. Next time make sure that the other person is as in love with you as you are with them.

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  • You can do way better than this guy. Sounds like you have a lot to offer to a guy. Hang in there you will find someone else who will treat you better.

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  • 19 and in law school?

    Honestly, you did too much. He was lazy and didn't have his priorities straight. Find yourself someone who is career driven.

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  • Find an actual man for one. Your ex sounds like a little boy with how much you've invested into him, obviously you cared more about him then he did about you. Besides that you'll find a better guy, do activities you like, your in law school so there are probably clubs you could join, just try not to find anymore losers even though I know it's pretty hard.

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  • you should treat a man better than you did

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    • Did you even read my post
      Don't bother answering seriously.

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    • Take a hike you wanker.

    • go back to the kitchen dyke

What Girls Said 2

  • "volatile and afraid of commitment," - red flag
    "I spent less time with friends and argued with my family cos of him" - red flag
    " I was in law school, and I payed for his holidays and movies, cooked for him and his family whenever I stayed over, bought movie tickets etc when he didn't have a job" - more red flags

    You need to stop being a doormat. Yes, some of the things you did were normal for a healthy relationship but only if your partner is reciprocating. He wasn't. Aside from being funny and loving you, how was he a good partner? It sounds like he took advantage of your generosity and was not good a communication (volatile? really?). Learn to assess the state of the relationship more. Do his actions show that he cares or is it just words? Does he treat you with respect and communicates issues without anger (most of the time) or violence (never)? Does he try to improve and change himself? Is he reliable and trustworthy?

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  • You can't force someone to love you, it doesn't work that way, you just need to be yourself and hope for the best. Maybe be more aware of what your family and friends think of your partner next time.

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