Does spending lots of time with male friends and sex partners make my chances of having a healthy relationship less likely?

I’m a girl who has mostly male friends. I grew up with 4 brothers and I think I just get along better with men. Also, I randomly have flings with men who aren’t friends, just sex partners. I often get help from my male friends when I need help that requires manly strength and I also have conversations with them to get a male perspective.

I'm starting to think that I'm getting my emotional and sexual needs met through both the friendships and flings so I don't have to get too deep into any kind of commitment. I want to mention that I never sleep with my male friends because I'm not attracted to my friends in that way and I want to keep that boundary clear.

I wonder, does hanging out with these men ruin the possibility of finding someone I could have a real deep committed relationship with?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • yeah, it might and here's way. You essentially have a patchwork of dudes as your "BF". It's fine while you're really young or once you get over like 50-ish.

    Yeah, your guy friends are your emotional support now but that can't possibly last. Once they have families they can't exactly give you the same attention.

    I mean, You're kinda using people here. Your sexual partners don't have a chance to connect with you emotionally and i suspect your emotional partners can't have a sexual connection.

    Have you ever been in a committed relationship before?

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    • Yes, but it's been about five years since my last serious relationship. I'm 31 now. I was always kind of late with boyfriends and sexual stuff compared to people my age. After my last breakup (I was 25, almost 26), I stopped dating for a while. Then, I started dating and having sex partners. I loved it and still do, but I am also realizing that, as you said, I am using people. The guys I sleep with wouldn't want anything more serious, I don't think, but I don't want to give my male friends false hope by hanging out with them and depending on them because I really see them like brothers. So I don't want to feel like I'm using them anymore and I kind of do want something more sometimes.

Most Helpful Girl

  • As a girl in a similar place, I can give some girl to girl perspective... I don't think it really can RUIN your chances- however it will make things difficult in finding a stable and steady relationship. Why? Because your next boyfriend is going to have to compete with the guy friends, and you will have to work on the trust factor. The other issues that will appear are probably going to be the double standard of slut shaming. You may know you don't have sex with these guy friends, but those around you will think otherwise. New men might be intimidated by the number of men in your life- whether they be family, friends, or sex partners it still makes the man feel intimidated. My advice is to maybe slow down with the sexual partners, or maybe just stop completely until you have a steady stable boyfriend who can respect the fact that you have male friends. But honestly in the end, you should do whatever YOU feel comfortable with doing. #YouMatterMost Good luck!!

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What Guys Said 5

  • Ruin no, but it may be more difficult. I've heard from and seen other women who had many male friends.

    If you think there are emotional issues around this, get counseling. The one case I know of... has emotional issues due to her father being mean and absent so, if that is stored in you, get counseling. Soemthing is going on if you have male friends and only flings, not serious dating... LTR.

    Another one I know just got along better with men and took a while to get intimate. You may need to do more introspection and dating experience.

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  • It can turn some people off.

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  • Flings do when you are already committed. Cuz that's called cheating, lol.

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  • A healthy relationship is built on many experiences.

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    • Wow this is not true. Lol

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    • I guess I can't appreciate broad statements, when the asker is being a bit more specific. This is what irked me about your comment. The way I interpreted it was you're saying it takes many experiences (relationships) to make a healthy relationship when that is completely not true. Quality > quantity. It's why some people can make it work the first time or even the second time. There are perpetual daters who never last because they don't really know what they want or never try to fix their own issues. That does not a healthy relationship make.

    • @OjosOscuros2 Thats how you interpreted it lol

  • Nope it won't. You just haven't met the right guy yet.

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What Girls Said 3

  • I really don't mean this in a judgmental kind of way but you kind of sound like a guy. Like a female version of a player. I'm sure you've broken some hearts along the way and you just have to be careful. If you really want a good deep relationship happen you just have to make sure that when you find that one, he will be able to replace all those things. Make sure you don't become dependent on the attention of multiple men.

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  • No, not unless you're relying on them for emotional fulfillment and so not open to forming that connection with a potential partner.

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  • You shouldn't even be mixing sex with your male friendships. This will blur between the lines of what is appropriate or not. It's unethical in my opinion.

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    • I thought I made it clear that, that's NOT what I'm doing. I have male friends, who I'm NOT sleeping with, and I have men who I am sleeping with who aren't boyfriends for friends at all... so nice try...

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