To move on with the new guy, or wait it out even more?

Ok I need help here.

I have the ex boyfriend Ross (we broke up a year ago might I add) who, has had a really hard time in life. Mum and dad died three years ago, brother is severely depressed/has mental health issues, his sister is pretty ill and his little nephew is severely disabled. So Ross, has a lot on his shoulders, as you can imagine.

So Ross had fell in love with me. And when he did? It was the wrong time. I had been struggling with things and was by no means ready for love. However, he loved me, he pursued me and he won me over in the end. What he'd been through scared me and I was terrified to hurt him.

However things ended badly. I continually pushed him away, I broke his heart with it and we split. On awful terms. Ever since our split I tried to patch things up and have failed miserably. He's completely cold towards me. Not to mention, he's now kissed another girl.

there's another guy though, Dylan. And he's my friends older brother. Very recently we switched numbers and he's been chatting away to me. And to be honest? Lightening up my day a little. His personality is similar to that of my ex strangely, but there's more of a warmth to him.

Dylan seems pretty keen and wants to meet and stuff. I have a bunch he might like me? But I can't help but feel torn between the ex Ross who I still deeply care for and worry about... and Dylan, who I know where I stand with.

I just don't want to make the wrong choice. Not sure if I should give my ex more time.

Please guys? Please help.

  • Wait it out a little more.
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  • Move on with Dylan, think about your happiness.
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  • Keep trying with your ex, he's had it rough.
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  • Other.
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Most Helpful Guy

  • It didn't sound like you cared about Ross, "I continually pushed him away, I broke his heart with it and we split".

    "Ever since our split I tried to patch things up and have failed miserably. He's completely cold towards me." Why if you didn't really car and was pushing him away? Guy's that cared about the girl CAN NOT go to being just friends... they don't want to see there EX (Period).

    Move on with the new guy, if you like him, just be honest with him and yourself. Life's too short to be to afraid to make a move, or wait for the other person to do it first. It's always best to find out how they feel ASAP... anything else is wasting both of your time.

    • I did care. It's just a really complicating situation and I'm so hesitant to get back in another relationship as a result.

      Why can't he just be friend though? He keeps saying he will but NEVER acts on it. I want to put the past in the past and he says he can't forget everything.

      I know that, I just need to take things slow I guess. Just the way I am 😑🙄

    • Show All
    • It is probably awkward and uncomfortable to be with his new girl and still see you.

      I think it will be years before you two have any thing that you can call a relationship. He'll probably only be nice and say hello when he sees you.

      Every relationship is a learning experience, thing you should have said and thing you shouldn't have. What you want, and what you don't. The really hard part is not making the same mistakes... which a lot of people do.

    • See, she's not a new girl? She was a drunken kiss on a night out. She gave him a love bite. I found out and he told me it was a 'no wheels' situation with her.

      I guess you could be right. It might be years. And neither of us have that long to wait with our age gap either :/.

      Tell me about it, I'm bad for repeating mistakes.

Most Helpful Girl

  • You tried to patch things up with your ex and failed, and he has also kissed another girl. That bridge has been burned.
    If you're not over your ex yet (which you don't seem to be) then it wouldn't be fair to this new guy to use him as some rebound. Wait until you're over everything before jumping into something new.

    • Yeah I failed. And that's exactly it. He kissed someone new and I just thought, well, that's everything completely over. How exactly can you come back from that?

      I'd say I'm getting there with getting over him. The new guy is really nice and haS JUST asked me out. Not too sure what to do since I don't feel entirely ready for anything new yet.

    • Then tell him you're not ready yet and will let him know when you are.

What Guys Said 2

  • If he is so similar to the ex Ross, do you ever think that the good feelings that you are feeling now, were once also felt with Ross? And that the things that led up to the distance between you two will happen again because of their similar personalities?

    In either case, if the personalities are similar, and you also once felt like this with Ross, giving it another shot, may be the safe bet, although the situation is different (because you were vulnerable back then, and may have let him in for the wrong reasons).
    Now remember, that even if you feel the same way about Dylan as you once did for Ross, now the situation is less intense emotionally, and it may be a more honest feeling than it was before.

    ("We were on a break!!", hahahaa)

    • I do think that, yeah. However? Things can be different either way this time because I'm at a stage in my life where my career is on track, I'm happy and I'm not mourning like I was before I met Ross. I was, so low. Not myself.

      And that is why I'm asking this question. It definitely is a more honest feeling, there is no doubt about it. I have just made SUCH an unbelievable mess and feel like I'm in hole that I can't get out of. Which is why I'm at a cross roads here.

      Do I persist with Ross, even when he's cold towards me and rejects any advances I make?

      Or do I move on with Dylan, only to find later down the line, I've hurt Ross even more.

      So yeah, I don't know.

      And hahahahaha!!! I am SO appreciating that friends quote, that has actually made my night 😂😂😂. Love the way he outright screams: 'WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!''

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    • Yeah I'm bad at creating illusions, I really do try not to! This is true, he probably would.

      I know, I just... don't know. Kinda hate unpredictability, you know?

      Id say i am mature? He's 31 and I'm 23. I might grow more still, but I don't really see Ross growing anymore to be honest.

      And no, I have never been good at following my gut! I dunno how to listen to it, or what it's saying to me. Which I guess is largely why I'm asking this question. Not sure how to judge the situation for myself.

    • Being able to grow together is very important:

      "From what I've seen from other couples, the key point is to grow together, and change at the same pace.
      Disruption occurs when two people don't evolve at the same rate, or evolve in different directions. Therefore our perception of people must be accurate in order to assess how that evolution is going to occur along time."

  • in will give you props for trying with the guy but if it didn't work it will just make him feel worse if it fails again and i dont think he needs that with everything else going.

    i would go with the new guy, sure give your freind a thought from time to time but let the new guy be in your life more.

    • And that's my biggest issue! I know that if we were together again, it would HAVE to work the second time round. And I think it's just too much of a risk. I spare a lot of thought for him and have many regrets. But I guess there's no harm in inviting the new guy into my life a little more.

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    • exactly and i wish you lots of luck with the new guy.

What Girls Said 0

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