Is there anyway to stop being a girl's backup guy?

I somehow became a girl's backup guy. Is there any way to became her primary if that makes any sense. I am crazy about her, so I want to know you have any tips or suggestions on the matter


Most Helpful Girl

  • Have you been straightforward and asked her about it? Told her about how you feel, etc?

    Truthfully, wouldn't you rather have you TELL you the truth? If there is any hope rather than playing this "what if" game.

    • I tell her how I feel every day. Her feelings though is kind of a mystery no matter how I ask her.

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    • I am not sure how she feels because she keeps changing her answer. She has done everything. She has friendzoned me, she has rejected me, she has said she has mixed feelings, she has said she likes me, she has said she never liked me, she said she wanted to be in a relationship with me. My head is spinning, I don't know what she feels. I guess I will try and play hard to get, its all I have left. Anyway, thanks for the advice.

    • The thing is that she might have feelings for you. However, she's not going to act on them until whatever guy is #1 is out of the picture.

      Goodluck with your endeavor!

Most Helpful Guy

  • I would give less attention.
    Walk away if you only get spoon fed attention from her.
    Let her know in no uncertain terms how you feel about it.
    Find someone else that makes you a priority.
    Stand up for yourself, women like guys that have a spine.
    Make massive self improvements to yourself physically and mentally if she notices and gravitates more to you, great if not let her go, no one is worth being treated like second class goods.


What Girls Said 1

  • Nope. Backups remain backups. Move on to someone who will consider you a priority from the beginning.


What Guys Said 6

  • Start looking for another girl. Either your dating and making her less of a priority for you makes her jealous enough to force her to make her move, and claim you as her man, or you move on and forget about her when you finally find a woman that appreciates you. I don't believe there is a better way to handle this.

    • Believe it or not, I have tried both options. I was sort of getting into a different girl, but my crush got super jealous and showed a bunch of interest in me. It lasted about three days, the best three days ever, but she seems really committed to this guy who doesn't really like her back. On the other hand I have tried to get over her but it didn't really work that well. I was trying for around three months, but it sort of tore my life apart so I gave up eventually.

    • If she isn't willing to make a commitment to you, then you have to go no contact until you are over her. At this point she knows all she has to do is give you attention for a couple of days and you will be wrapped around her finger again.

  • i have no tips on that but if she can't have you as a main guy and needs other guys she isn't really ready for anything serious i would move on till you find what you like. why go crazy and confused over this girl despite the feelings you and her have?

  • Get another girl.

    Once you get another girl, you will be less invested in one particular girl.

    She is already doing this with you, so look out for YOUR best interest and keep on hunting. The key in the dating game is to keep your iterations high.

  • Just leave her. Backing up girls can cheat you too. It is known.

  • If you become her primary, she will get another backup. You don't want that do you?

    Stay away from those types of girls.

    • Well, what happened is that she had two crushes, one on me and one on this other guy. This other guy is not interested in her nor ever talks to her, while I already told her that I like her and talk to her everyday. I don't think she is that type of girl honestly. All of this has been kind of confusing for her. Of course she likes the other guy more, but I was wondering if there was a way to get her to choose me over him.

    • Why would you WANT to be with her knowing full well that you will always be her second choice - even from the very beginning?

      Have some respect for yourself. Find a girl who wants YOU. Someone who makes YOU their first priority. Someone who chose YOU first- over anyone else.

      Despite what you think, she IS that type of girl - because she can't even make up her mind between two men.

    • okay. I guess you have a point. Its been kind of difficult for both me and her for a little while now. I guess I have liked her so long that it has blinded me from any reason. Thank you for your input.

  • To become her primary you've gotta fuck her right in her pussy.