Do I have a right to be mad at my rebound for playing me?

This guy I've dated casually a 4-5 weeks here and there over the last five years and I recently started dating again after I got out of a long term (3+ years) relationship. He had told me "I was the one that got away, etc." and that he "always thought of me throughout the years"

We got along great, but I was an emotional mess and still attached emotionally to my ex boyfriend of several years. Every time we hooked up, I'd get weird, insecure and confused. So we split up so that I could "detox" and thinking we would date "in the future."

Just ran into him and saw that he is dating a new girl. The problem is he still texts me occasionally, drunk dials me, pokes me on FB, etc. I know he's keeping me as the "fallback" girl or stringing me along in case this new girl doesn't work out. Although if I return the texts he hardly responds. Which p*sses me off...

I partly blame myself for using him as a "rebound" with my ex when he really liked me-- although I really did care for him and tried to tell him he wasn't a rebound. Am I at fault here? He did turn me down for one last fling- but I still feel hurt like I'm being strung along as a back up. I did like him more at the end of our "dating" than he liked me... but was still attached to my ex.

Updates:
Yea, but I really did like him. I didn't mean for him to be a rebound, it was just timing...

0|0
6|4

Most Helpful Guy

  • Rebound guy is still rebound guy even if you like him more than just a fling. Guys don't like to get hurt so when he saw that you still had feelings for your ex and that he would always be #2, he understood that he had the right to search for happiness somewhere else and if he was going to stay your rebound guy, you might as well be his rebound girl (its some kind of self protection if you want). I understand that its a bit frustrating to see that someone doesn't need you as much as you expect them to do (no one likes that) but you have no right to be mad at him for keeping his options since you are not really available.

    1|3
    0|0
    • Wow, great answer. I never really thought of him as a rebound guy, more like a guy I was interested in but bad timing. I know he probably felt like it though because I would get so weird and confused. I guess we mutually liked and mutually "used" each other.

    • Completely agree

What Guys Said 3

  • Thats called karma. He felt like he was being strung along, so after a while he picked up and moved on. Sure he may have attraction for you, and he may even still have some feelings for you. But he found greener grass and went for it. I think you're hurting because he doesn't need you anymore. He also could be feeling used because he was the rebound guy, and knew that you might come back to him. But I don't think that's the case because he still keeps in touch with you.

    My advice is for both of you to move on. Be friends if you want, but it seems like that was pretty much it anyway. Rebounds obviously have the tendency to make people feel bad that they've basically used somebody. So just try and forget about it all and move onto other things.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Yeah, I agree. :) I honestly never meant to use him as a rebound, I really did like him~ but yeah, time to move on. Only time will tell if we'll be able to be friends or not

  • Not to be mean, but you're a selfish hypocrit.

    0|0
    0|0
  • No because he is not yours just a rebound he has the right to play any kind of games he wants.

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 6

  • Well tell you the truth you shouldnt be mad,remember you got with him to forget your x, which is all the wrong reasons to do that, I am pretty sure you have heard of paybacks a b**ch...i am sorry to be a little crucial but never use someone as a rebound, I did it once and it back fired and I learned to never do it again..cause you shouldnt play with someones feelings cause they might have not known but you did know...

    0|0
    0|0
  • Well then you should've let him know that you liked him for MORE then a rebound, or not called him a rebound at all. He seen it as that...Just a rebound. Gotta think like a man sweetheart ;) =] If a man says I'm just his rebound, I think, okay, nothing serious. Just a good f*** =] =] =]

    0|0
    0|0
    • I did let him know! We did really like each other, but it was the day after my break up from my ex- and so I obviously wasn't ready. I got too attached and clingy~ but I was confused. We both still like each other I think- it's just really weird and confusing! And I told him he wasn't a rebound... and I never wanted him to think he was. But I think the timing automatically makes him one

    • Definitely....Really bad timing! =\

  • Nope, you're not allowed to get mad. He IS your rebound. Rebound guys are guys you're not intending on dating, just getting what you want ;) =] Sorry to say...My rebound guys KNEW they were my rebound, and that was it. =]

    0|0
    0|0
  • hmm first of all move on from both of them (ur ex and this "rebound" guy), concentrate on loving yourself more and embrace being a single. then one of these days u'll end up being in love again. everything happens for a reason and at the right season :)

    0|0
    0|0
  • im sorry but it seems that even though you ment what you were saying your actions didn't tell him the same thing. I think he felt betrayed and is probably not using you but is still just your friend. I know I'm young but I think that might be what's going on.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Sounds more like a friends with benefits deal than anything. I mean, what exactly does he text you about, and drunk dial you about? If it is a bunch of sexting, then he is keeping you as a fallback booty call girl only and who needs that.

    4 to 5 weeks here and there of casual dating, especially if it included sex, just isn't of any consequence. After 5 years of random contact, by now it would have amounted to something. Personally the whole rebound thing is of little consequence, a lot of people underestimate this happening. I also don't think he played you either, though sounds like he laid it on thick with the whole "the one who got away" b.s. I would say he is not a very sincere suitor and not someone I would want to date in the future.

    0|0
    0|0
    • No, not sexting. Just like, "hey what's up" type of sh*t... just to make sure that I respond and still maintain contact. And I lived in the UK for the last four years with my ex-bf- so nothing could really ever come of it if we wanted. He did lay it on thick... I think he just wants what he can't have

Loading...