Can a guy with a bad reputation be boyfriend material?

This guy is a few years older than me and is supposedly known as a player. He flirted with me, which I thought lightly of given his reputation. He also showed he knew what people said about him and seemed totally at ease with it. But later on he kept giving me attention and not others, acting genuinly interested and asking when he could see me again. If he keeps this way and doesn't try to go after other girls, should I give it a shot?

If I was looking for a fling I wouldn't hesitate but Im looking for something more serious now and want to know if it's a lost case. In that case I'd only remain friends with him since he's still a nice person either way.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Happened to me with the opposite gender, and she was totally a girlfriend material. So i guess it is possible for him to be a boyfriend material.

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    • How did that happen?

    • She had the reputation of a slut, but she wasn't exactly what people said. People judged her from the way she dress, and having many guy friends. When I started talking to her, she was way different than what people said, she had something special about her which keeps guys attracted to her. She told i'm aware of what people says about me just like this guy, but i don't care they say, they see only what i choose to let them see.

Most Helpful Girl

  • 1. Someone will generally try to act on their best behavior when first dating. Just because he's not playing you now doesn't mean he won't.

    2. I'm a believer in giving people a shot. He might be looking for something more serious now that he's already played the field.

    3. If you give it a shot, keep an eye out for red flags. It's easy to ignore things when you're feeling "new relationship high" but if your gut tells you something is off or he shows signs of just being not right for you, listen to your instinct.

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    • Thanks, sounds like good advice!

What Guys Said 18

  • You don't see him going after other girls because you don't have access to his phone, and any guy with a brain won't let the girl he's talking to know about girls he's chasing in other parts of his life. Yeah he's interested in you, the same as he was interested in the girl before you (then moved on), and the girl before that (then moved on), so on and so on. Be smart... whatever his reputation is, that is what you can expect from him, if you expect anything different, you're hopes are lying to you.

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  • Yes, i've never understood why people who keep their options open and their own feelings guarded get a bad reputation.

    However, the caveat is that you have to go into this on your guard. You match his interest level, never going above or below it otherwise you risk getting burned hard if it turns out he loses interest. Trust me If he is genuine he will be most definitely worth your time. When "players" give their full attention to one girl it's serious and the girl will get the best man that he can be for her.

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    • I don't know how he got his reputation exactly, he might do this to a new girl every few weeks.

      How should I treat this situation in order to find out what he wants without embarassing myself or getting my heart broken?

      And how big is my chance he might be looking for a serious relationship at this moment too?

      Thanks for your helpful opinion.

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    • Thanks for your advice!

      Other question: since you say you have a 'bad' past, how would you feel about a girl with a reputation? Would you give her an equal chance?

    • Yeah i would, but i'd do exactly what i've preached here, the whole keeping emotions close thing. I won't judge a girl on her past like that because she might well be "playing" the same "game" as me. Also i've accepted the risk, so i wouldn't sit there and throw a pity party if i do get burned.

  • I would say the only hope is you hold back on intimacy as "the lure" he wants until you get a signed contract! Otherwise, you are just gonna get strung along and hurt. Maybe have discussion up front with him and see how quickly he darts away.
    I can show you a video of a player that was caught and married and the girl was "high value"... in other words, she wasn't a push over like all the others he used. Its on youtube, Dr. Phil episode on a "player".

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  • Yes, but it's unlikely.

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  • Not dating a guy because of his reputation is the same to me as someone saying i am not going to date her because of the number of sexual partners she has had. Its the same as slut shaming in my book. Just give the guy a chance. If he shows signs of being a player leave. People can change, I should know, when i met my wife there was nothing in the world i wanted to do more than being the right guy for her, and that sparked a lot of change in me.

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    • I know it's 'slut shaming' and when it comes to friendship I couldn't care less. When it comes to casual stuff I couldn't care less either. Im just worried he might break my heart if I give it too soon. It's good to hear from guys who have changed, it's proof they can (not meaning to insult you, but I know a lot of people who say they never do).

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    • He certainly behaves like someone very skilled at flirting. No nervousness and all. If he's patient enough I'll definitely give him a shot, he's cute and funny (:

    • Very good!!!

  • Women in your age range are attracted to players and sociopathic bad boys as moths to a flame.
    They usually have to learn the hard way.

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    • Im usually attracted to nerds but this guy seems nice. I also learned the hard way that some shy guys dont get less boring with time no matter how sweet they are.

  • Well if your okay with the work you can always straighten out a guy with a bad rep.

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  • If someone has a bad reputation, it's likely because they earned it. Such people aren't trustworthy. Would you put your wellbeing into his hands? I wouldn't recommend it.

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  • Leave the bad boys alone. Unless you want to get knocked up, become undatable and want to live in a trailer park.

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    • He and I both do some fancy studies at university, the only bad thing is how he supposedly handles relationships. I won't get knocked up either cuz IUD

    • That's very smart.

  • No he can't.

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  • ;-) We all know you want to give that booty to him, you dont need our approval. But a player is a player and its best if you dont take it too serious

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  • i dont feel very much unless his actions dont match what people say about him

    but if he's bad and acts bad then sure you change him :P

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  • Yes, it happens all the time.

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  • hell no! i never understand how a guy who plays with a girl's emotions for sex can be considered a good person.

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    • He got his reputation by sleeping around, not neccessarily by playing around

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    • Well if he doesn't play with girls' emotions, it's not the same situation.

      I've been in situations of casual sex where both parties were very clear about it only being casual so nobodies emotions got screwed up. That's not the same as pretending to like someone for sex.

    • Hook ups are different got girls.

  • For a week or two, sure.

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  • This isn't a smart question. You KNOW what kind of material he is. Why are you finding reasons for a jackass?

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  • probably not

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  • Pretty sure I have a bad reputation for drugs and a kind of rapey scenario that happened. A chick invited me over and was super sexual but went to sleep earlier, I went in and layed down next to her and woke her up an hour later for sex and her room mate caught us and he told my friend who has a big mouth. I was high and also showed up at her work to get my vehicle inspected and she freaked out, I wasn't even there to talk to her anyways. Weird thing was we talked a few times after and she seemed like she wanted to fuck again cause I was so high and only had an expired condom with no lube so basically attempted sex didn't work I finger ed her and she gave me head, I only had it in her for like a minute or two cause the condom was so small. Literally cut the circulation off, she wanted me to bareback her but it was my first time and I didn't want to cum in her so I didn't do it

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    • I was a great boyfriend I helped my ex move 2.5 hours away into her new place then a second time 1.5 hours away, I lifted a 200 pound bed by myself. Bought her flowers, sexted her, bought her dinner, told her she was beautiful, cooked for her, drove her around, fucked her numerous times a few bareback I even came in her a couple times and the once was on purpose cause she wanted me to and I knew it felt good. I never cheated and only smoked pot once in 6 months while I dated her

    • Cool story bro

    • I know right lol

What Girls Said 1

  • No. Stay away from him. Players are always players. You can't change them. You're never going to get a happy, serious relationship with him. If you were to actually manage to get into a relationship with him at all then it's likely he'll cheat on you sooner or later. Find a better guy, this one will hurt you.

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    • Im okay with open relationships above the waist and partially untrue, my reputation isn't amazing either (although it in no way gets close to his). Does that change my case?

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    • Im not a cheater at all, dont worry. All of my experiments happened while I was single. Worst I ever did was sleep with a guy in an open relationship after his girlfriend even asked me to.

    • Yeah ok, well I would advice you not to date this guy.

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