Not excited for my date tomorrow night?

I've never experienced this before. I haven't been on a date in probably 7 months or so. The last one ended in the guy not returning my text the next day. I was SUPER nervous and excited to meet him. Most of my other dates FLOPPED as well. The guys turned out to be players or crazies. Dates that have gone good in the past have usually turned into relationships.

But, for once in my life, I'm not excited for this first date like I used to be. He's kind, loving, thoughtful, persistent, etc. Pretty much EVERYTHING I'm looking for that's hard to find, but what makes me skeptical is that he only had one photo on his dating profile (I'm afraid he won't be attractive to me) and he has acted SUPER giddy, counting down the days to our date, which just doesn't sound right. When he talks about not being able to wait to see me... I don't know what to say because I don't feel that way. This is a FIRST DATE.

I know that I've gotten a lot stronger while in therapy the last 6 months, but I just don't understand why I'm not nervous/excited like I used to be? Is it because I actually value myself now, so I'm not worried about impressing him? Is it because I don't know how to act toward a man that treats me right?

I'm trying to give him a chance and I'm going tomorrow. But, him being all giddy and excited makes me feel bad for not feeling the same.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Maybe you are simply lerning to hold back and not get yourself too invested too early.

    • I think you're on to something. It would make sense that since I love myself more, I'm not throwing myself into "ideals" anymore. I just feel really calm and not invested. Lol.


What Guys Said 3

  • You sound bitter and pessimistic. You started this off by enumerating all the terrible things that prior guys—none of whom are actually this new guy—did to you. None of what they did actually matters. It's in the past, and, as long as you are smart, it'll never matter again because you'll never date them again.

    The past was real at one time. It no longer is. It's already happened and it's over. It now exists solely and only as a concept in your head. Let it go. It's only hurting you now and causing you to hold yourself back.

    The future isn't even real. It too is just a concept in your head, and you have no idea what will actually happen. The only thing that is real is right now—the present. Learn from your past, but let it go. Plan wisely for the future, but live in and enjoy the present.

    • Honestly, I used to be bitter and pessimistic. But, I'm truly not anymore. I was just trying to give as much background as possible to show how I've grown. I used to attract the wrong type of man, but maybe I'm actually attracting the right type now. That's the point I was trying to make.

      I am living in the moment.

  • I think its cuz your going in with low expectations from your previous encounters of players and crazies lol

    • I really don't think that's it. I'm not having to make myself have low expectations. Whatever happens, happens. I'm just not putting all my eggs in his basket, so to speak. I was supposed to have a date Saturday too, but I haven't talked to that guy that much this week.

    • Yeah and you know what; thats really the best way to go into first dates. Because if you go in all excited and pumped about the date and he gives you an average first date you'd be kinda disappointed in a way you expecting to be awesome! When in reality first dates are rarely awesome lol.

  • Use him and leave him dry


What Girls Said 1

  • Try to think of reasons why those other first dates were so exciting and nerve-racking. Trust me, I've had some good and awful too! Is this guy desperate? Did he send you a picture of himself--he's not a "catfish" is he? Did he Skype with you? Do you assume it's not going to work out well? Figure these questions out. Good luck!

    • I think it was because I was so focused on making the guy like me. I was conscious of my hair, what I said, what I ate, and I CARED WAY TOO MUCH about whether I got a call/text after the date.

      Going in to this date, I'm like "I'm gonna be myself. He'll either like it or not... which completely rides on my approval of him."

      I'm learning to hold back, I think. I used to get too invested and now, I'm making men prove themselves before I invest. It's a different feeling.

    • I see. I used to be the same way. Then... once I stopped getting emotionally involved, I felt much better. My view was there is always another guy... I like your view too though, just being yourself is great! Do you hope he's as himself as you are yourself? :)