My girlfriend is PREGNANT!!! WTF DO I DO? She doesn't believe in abortions and we are both 20 in college, what do I do?

I am so scared, she's gonna have a baby and I don't how to deal with that thing, or how to nurture it you know.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm not going to scold you for the same "hey your an idiot for not wrapping it!" Condemnations and criticism, not what this site is supposed to be about.

    So here's my advise, relax first and realize your not the only one in this position as she's probably feeling similar stress. Be open with her about your feelings, calmly talk with her and decide how you'll go about being a parent and raising a baby. It's unavoidable now. You will be a father, best to just accept this and accommodate it, and her in your life

    I've had a couple girlfriends in this position myself and one relationship post birth worked out ok and he and she were able to have a good parenting relationship and keep their everyday life on track. The other one involved the guy pussying out, and he was the one who was served child support papers.

    Stay calm, reassure her and realize that this isn't the end of the world but rather. New beginning of a chapter in you, and her life, how you handle it, and your child will determine the outcome of everything between your child as a father in the end.

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Most Helpful Guy

What Girls Said 17

  • Wow, you just sound like an ass. "I don't know how to deal with that thing..." Well, maybe you should have thought about that before sticking your dick in someone else.

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    • Unless she "trapped" him. From breaking condoms to deliberately making "mistakes" with The (birth control) Pill, it has happened, believe me.

    • you sound like those inconsiderate people who dont take birth control and go Oh you got me pregnant even though it was an accident and the condom broke time to either marry me or pay a lot of money nonstop :D.

    • He just sounds scared. Babies can be really, really expensive.

  • You're supported by parents as a college kid, right? Keep that. Expect help from her parents too. You both need it.

    Switch to part time school and get a job to earn money. Pick a good diploma that will be pay and will help you find good work and fast (engeneering, IT, nursing), or simply go into the trades (they can earn surprisingly well). While you study, get a job that you'll use to help her out.

    If she doesn't want to loose this kid, there is nothing you can do. Try with her. Try to make this relationship into a marriage now. Try because you are bound to her for the rest of your life trough this child and children raised in single-parent households are significantly more fucked than those with both parents at their side.

    I'm sorry this happened to you, but I also hope this girl brings you happiness. Maybe it will be a good mistake and you'll accept it because it'll lead you down a better path.

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  • Well I guess you better pick up some books and start learning.

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  • Sit down with her and your families and come up with a game plan (abort, adopt, raise). I'm guessing abortion is absolutely out of the question. If you choose to pit up the babay for adoption, I suggest you look into couples wanting to adopt and choosing a reallyyyy good home for the baby. If you decide to keep the child, attend parenting classes or head to your local library and pick up a few books on parenting. Do research online about young couples and how they've dealt with some of the struggles of raising children.

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  • first of all calm down and take deep breaths.
    now you can't just deal with it, but you can prepare for having a baby you have 8 and a half months. you can nurture a baby easily all you have to do is love unconditionally. you both have your parents for help and advice and there are other services that can help to when you are in a real pickle, but your parents will be there for you. so start with telling your parents and listen to the advice they give. failing that you can find parenting sites online or parenting groups you can join.

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  • you bettr have enough money to support ur new family cuz UR A BABY DADDY NOW CONGRATS FAM :D

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    • Cute... very cute

    • He obviously doesn't and can't provide for the baby in anyway as he suggested in his post

  • Well you guys gotta have a serious talk and do what you need to do. You gotta figure everything out. There's always a risk of that when you put your dick in a female's vagina and she participated in it so now it's on both of you. Have a serious talk about what you're gonna do. If you can't come to an agreement then you can leave. And it sounds like you'd want an abortion but if you want that and she doesn't, you should probably leave her if she wants to keep the baby. Us, women have 3 choices if we get pregnant. 1.) adoption
    2.) keep the baby, make it work and parent and raise it
    3.) abortion
    You guys did what it takes to reproduce whether it was planned/wanted or not, so now both of you have to do what you gotta do accordingly.

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  • Well, first things first. You should've been more careful, condoms and birth control are wonderful inventions. If I'm assuming wrong, that you did use protection, and it failed (hey, condoms and birth control aren't infallible)

    Second, how is your relationship? Are you at a point where you could see yourself marrying her? Are you guys not on good terms?

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  • Obviously you two didn't believe in safe sex either. Didn't you two learn in sex ed man and woman make babies when they don't use birth control? Sex is for adults, If you can't handle adult responsibilities don't have sex. You don't need to be with her but everyone deserves their father in their life. What do you do? Own up to your responsibilities.

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  • You be a daddy.

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  • Just don't be a pussy and try to fulfill your fatherly duties.

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  • U don't need to know how to raise a child (I'll learn that on the way) u just have to be there for ur girl cause it's gonna be MUCH harder for her than it is for u. so just back her up tell her u there for her she'll guide u through it
    And congrats

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    • OK all the people saying that adoption and abortion , hit it then quit it shit r f... ed up
      Dude it's a life a living thing don't u think it deserves to know his /her father and more other and have a chance at life.
      What's done is done it's all in the past but it's time to make wiser choices and better choices if or a good guy and love the girl I'll do the responsible thing and stick around and help out as much as u can

  • Tell her to give it up for adoption. Both of you probably can't afford to have a kid. Tell her to be realistic.

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    • If she refuses, then tell your families and everything. if they're willing to help then great. If they aren't, tell her to be more realistic. I'd be shocked if a college kid could even afford to pay for child support. And if you don't pay, there can be really bad consequences or even jail. So if you two can't afford it, then it could end badly for the both of you. And I don't think it's a fair burden for your parents. They're older now... to take care of a baby means staying up throughout the night for months. It's not fair on them, let alone the expenses.

  • You're gonna have to step up and help her, just be there for her a d for the baby

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  • You better learn quick is all I can tell you.

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  • Leave her alone. She probably doesn't want to be bothered by you

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  • You man up and take your responsibility.

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What Guys Said 22

  • LOL tour is over boyo. Shouldn't of been a dumbass and went in raw. You made that decision to be a dumbass and now you have to live the consequences. The question now is if you're going to be a man about it and devote your life to that child's well being. Or are you are going to be a little bitch and continue to act like a child smoking weed with your bros asking your mom and dad for child support. Society doesn't need more boys growing up without dads.. our generation of men are already complete pussies.. You fucked up and now you have deal with the repercussions that follow your actions. Probably the first time in your life that you learned your actions have consequences..

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    • Unless she deliberately sabotaged him in order to get pregnant, a. k. a., entrapment. It has happened to many men I know.

    • I completely agree with everything you've just said. I can't believe how so many men on gag are telling him to be a complete pussy and abandon his responsibilities.

  • Have a serious talk with her, and figure out what each other wants. If she wants to keep the baby, but you don't, then leave her. She has the right to have an abortion, so you have the right to leave.
    But if you leave, you can't come back later. Once you leave, the kid is not yours anymore. It'd be nice to have a lawyer with you to sign papers so that weird stuff won't happen in the future, just to be safe.

    If you decide to stay, then you can't leave.

    So think about this carefully, it's a big decision. If you would've been more careful, this wouldn't have happened.

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    • He can choose to leave but he can't terminate his parental rights and would still be held legally responsible for child support.

    • @sparkly-crystal I'm not an expert on this, but I'm guessing if there's a lawyer involved, and both parties sign agreeing that he shouldn't be responsible for child support, and this is signed by a notary, then he's free of all responsibilities as a father.

    • The process may be easier if the mother agrees to the termination. You'll still need approval from a court. Most courts are unlikely to accept the termination unless someone else is ready to adopt the child (and not just the other parent).

  • well you tell both of your parents, pick you up some baby books, find a job if you don't have one, finish school, and do your best to raise your kid and be a supportive partner to your woman. Come on man its not rocket science you'll be fine take it day by day do your best and it will be alright. trust me plenty of people have kids young and in not as good a situation as you have right now so relax and and get your shit together you'll be alright. first things first though tell your parents both of you together.

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  • Well unfortunately for you your a man and do not have rights in this area, had you been born a woman this would be different as you would have options.

    Before you sign the birth certificate get a paternity test!! If you sign and are not the father you will still be on the hook for the baby, I realize you may be 100% sure your the father but keep in mind 1 in 5 men raise a child they think is theirs but is not theirs.

    DO NOT support your girlfriend, she has to support her self, don't even let her work part time, assuming your not students, and make sure she pays for her fair share half of everything. Otherwise you risk having to pay for the baby AND her for the rest of your life.

    Decide if you want to take care of the baby, if you want to then go for it and best of luck.
    If not then you have 2 options,

    Option 1: You need to be ready to lose your drivers licence and possibly go to jail. Debtors prison and slavery have been illegal for a long time but men do not have the same human rights as women and men can still be put in debtors prison and/or enslaved.

    Option 2: Go to school in another country and then immigrate there so you can't be taken to court and put into debtors prison or enslaved for exercising your right to choose to be a father. This is easy to do at your age.

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  • Time to start looking for a job that has good medical insurance... unless of course either of you come from rich families. Stop freaking out man, you're just going to make things even worse. She can easily go to family court and have your check garnished if she wants. I mean, You can pretty much kiss away finishing college for at least another 10-15 years. Are you're in the U. S. ? you're going to be financially liable for this kid till he/she is 18.

    You just need to accept the consequences and realize the world isn't over. Your behavior now is going dictate how you and your baby's mom get along. Trust me, you don't want a vindictive, angry Babymama' it's really bad.

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  • Chill out dude. First off, its already said and done. You just have to roll with it. Don't be a deadbeat dad, you had your fun but now this is not a consequence rather a new beginning. You can choose to legally distance yourself from a kid but its still yours. He/she will be born and thats simply something to get over. There is plenty of self help books and videos regarding this.

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  • Well, even if she somehow did entrap you, you DO have an obligation to be the best daddy you can be.

    Will she drop out temporarily to have the baby and let you study harder and finish school first?

    If she was / is a genuine good person, perhaps this can work. But if she did this as entrapment, well, you are going to be furious, and rightfully so.

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  • This is why I'm pro choice, it's obvious that you can not provide for her and the baby even if you wanted to don't listen anybody that tells you different. Unless your from a rich family get a lawyer and make sure the child isn't legally yours so you don't end up paying child support that puts you in debt. Just remember if you stay your future is over. Also I would try really hard to convince her to give the child up for adoption it sounds like he or she will have a tough life.

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  • It's happened billions of times before, you'll be ok.

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    • This doesn't really help me or make me feel better

    • i agree with @Asker don't use those sidestep comments... speaking from experience, i can understand his POV... saying he is scared... thats an understatement. i was 20 when i heard those fatal words too... scared is childs play compared to what he is feeling right now.

  • You sound like your going to be great father.

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  • Man up

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  • I personally don't feel like anything is wrong with aborting a child that has yet become a mere fetus. It's in her stomach and if she doesn't want to there's nothing you can do but be there for your girl and your kid. Good luck and God bless.

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  • Oh my. Wow. Okay, that is a pickle. Similar thing happened to my sister. Be resourceful. Find a way to secure resources for the baby but ultimately you have to do what works for you.

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  • Wait does that mean she can force you to pay her?

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  • You be a man and take responsibility of your action and don't you dare to bitch out this

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  • I hope you're taking something that pays well with a Bachelor's...

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  • You could put it up for adoption.

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    • She doesn't want to

    • She wants your baby? My sister got an abortion. But I know a guy who had adopted kids at 22 and still managed to secure a career as a film maker. He had to be organized, and he had a lot of support but the girl came from a poor background. I helped him out.

  • All the women saying he better man up better not be pro choice.

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  • get an abortion anyway

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  • First of all the baby is not a thing.
    Secondly, what do you want us to say?
    You've already made your decisions, and if she doesn't believe in abortions there's nothing you can/should do about it. Maybe if she doesn't want to raise him or her, she will give him in adoption. Life has consequences man, I'm sorry you have to learn it the hard way.
    Ps no one knows how to be a father at the beginning, be brave and don't make any choices you might regret later

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  • You fucked up, bud. I'm glad she doesn't believe in abortions because you deserve to face the consequences of your actions and take responsibility.

    Say goodbye to the rest of your youth.

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  • Man up, do your best to support the child with a job while also taking classes to finish your degree and then find yourself a career and take care of your family.

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