Are "new" boyfriends shy of asking what they want sexually? And why?

my new boyfriend is really really shy to initiate sex and does not talk about it at all. Not at all. He is really shy even though he wants to get intimate, his heart seems to be racing even for initiating it. How can I reduce his shyness and bring us to more talking it out and in action? I think he is shy because he wants to be respecting of my culture.

  • Yes they are
    38% (3)50% (6)45% (9)Vote
  • No usually they aren't
    25% (2)17% (2)20% (4)Vote
  • Other (Please specify)
    37% (3)33% (4)35% (7)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think that depends on the person

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    • I need to open him up more...

    • Talk to him, take it easy.. let him know or get the feeling that he shouldn't be afraid "to be himself"
      You could like have sex and then after it like ask it to him if he has any stuff he wants to try

Most Helpful Girl

  • I would say that's true to some extent, lol :) My boyfriend at the beginning of our relationship was treading lightly when we first got together because I think he was nervous that he might be moving too fast. I'm a pretty shy girl so of course I wasn't going to initiate anothing, lol :P I eventually just told him that I wanted to move things along & he gladly accepted ahaha :P I guess don't wanna seem too eager or pushy about it, you know? Sometimes guys get a bad reputation when they don't respect a girl's space/boundaries :) I appreciate how considerate he was!! :)

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    • I hope he is a keeper since his behavior is really decent with this :D

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    • Made my day :D :D Thank you ^^

    • Glad I could improve your day :) Stay happy ;)

What Guys Said 3

  • Not me. I ask for a FMF threesome on the first date.

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  • You can't.

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  • I think the biggest question is what is your culture and what is his?

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    • he is european and im indian.

    • Your cultures are completely different (as you know). Good luck on your relationship lasting long-term, because it most likely won't.

    • He is a major in Asian studies with specialization on islamic knowledge and knows the eastern and middle eastern culture well. Not only that he admires them.

What Girls Said 6

  • My SO wouldn't really initiate often and when I asked why that was, and he'd always joke about how horny I was all the time, he said he just likes to test the waters. It didn't take him long to be making his constant sex jokes and saying things and asking for it himself. So I'd say no. He's just getting a feeler for you, doesn't want to pressure you out of respect, and then when he understands that he may go for it.

    Unless what he's asking for is really weird and freakish and then he may take years to share it.

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    • but everytime he cannot do this to me :D He needs to initiate things. lol

    • Yeah, maybe he's testing things out. He doesn't want to just initiate things all the time too early, he doesn't know when you are or aren't horny etc.
      But tell him. Say you want him to initiate it, you like it when he takes charge etc. You can make it sound hot.

  • They can be. What you need to do though is be the one to open the doors of communication. Be the one to bring it up first and invite him to be vocal about it.

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    • Yea thats one of the options I have. I am on shy side of spectrum myself but I dont see any other way.

  • Totally depends on the guy. Yes he's probably nervous about it, it should get easier once you guys are together longer and you are more comfortable with each other, but I feel like for most people in the beginning it always takes a little time.

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  • it depends on the guy

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  • Sounds like he's a virgin and just unsure

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    • no he is not a virgin. Maybe unsure.

  • It really depends on the person, I've only had a few SOs but several sexual partners, and they were all different, some were shier than others, but in general most of them were really outgoing in bed, maybe because they already had plenty of experience, and I think the best thing you can do is talking about it with him

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