I've never had a relationship, that's because I am afraid of commitment and being played, or hurt. And that's why I rejected most of the guys that liked me. I had dates, never went far. But now there's a guy that I really like and I want something more. But I'm still thinking about being played. I hate showing my feelings, he already told me he likes me and sends me nice texts but I'm still a bit cold towards him. I am not trying to play hard to get, I really am, that's my nature. I can't really confess him right now that I like him. Can you give me some tips on how not to make myself a fool? What do guys like in a girl? To be open, straightforward, warm or mysterious and a bit cold, not showing the feelings from the very beginning, just giving some signs?
Most Helpful Guy
Straightforward is always more preferable. I don't know where this "guys love the chase" shit came from, but it doesn't apply to me.
Alright. Chances are you really will get played, honestly. That's just how relationships go. They're awesome for awhile, then they breakdown for one reason or another. The good ones. And if they don't break down and they last a long time, they end up becoming miserable most of the time. Hope for the best, expect the worst.
But, if you're always focusing on that, then you will never live life.
There's a saying they throw around in NA. "When we dwell in the past, we get depressed. When we dwell on the future, we get anxious. Learn from the past, live in the present, plan for the future."
You have to live in the now. You can't live in the future, worrying about everything that *could* happen. And if you truly want a relationship, you have to get over your fear and take a leap. It probably will turn to shit, and you might get hurt really bad. But denying yourself the chance at some amazing times shouldn't keep you from that, in my opinion. And you'll learn from that experience and be able to adjust for the future. Normally I don't recommend relationships to anyone, but if you've never been in one, I think having the experience just "to know" is best. Well, right now I believe that. I might change my mind later...>.>
I really don't believe that relationships should be planned out and tried to be manipulated. As trite as it is, be yourself. Like I said, live in the moment. Let go of all the anxiety of planning and trying to say the right thing at the right time, and focusing on the future. Just go with the flow. That's always how I've done it, and I'm not disappointed with the results. You know what to do, it's in your DNA. You just have to let go of your mind and just get in the vibe. You can do that without completely letting go of your mind. I'm not saying "be an idiot"... If that made sense.
Don't think "Oh, I'm going to fuck it up." Focus on the situation, enjoy it.
I'll say that all of my deep relationships stemmed from both of us just being open and not playing silly games like "oh, I should wait 5 hours, 26 minutes until I text them." Just do what you feel and what you want to do.
I will say that one thing guys really hate is subtlety. Well most of us probably. We do not understand it, generally, by nature. It's something we have to learn that women do, in my opinion.1
Most Helpful Girl
Interesting topic and Im going to give my opinion too. Im similar to you and Im much older. I also never had serious dates at all, I never had a relationship either in the past but im also afraid of being played out even at my age beacuse I haven't that experience to know for sure. Some guys even at adult ages like to play hard to get others like straight forward girls, but in my case who never had had any kind of dating expreince or even hang out with a guy for some times,
I still get afraid of getting hurt and I could act like a kid sometimes because it is like im a first time girl who is excited about seeing a guy, therefore I never told directly a guy who I liked, because I was afraid of what he may think, maybe he is not into me so I still keep it to myself. I met this guy last year he is 42 years old, he seem pretty cool guy, we had similar interests, we broke the ice quickly (that had never ever happened to me before only with this guy) one of the reasons I thought things could start to go well, he seems for the way he treated me he liked me but never told me directly, so I was excited, someone finally paid attention to me. We even gone to one date, and even made out, he told and shared to me me (not because I asked though) stuff about his personal life a bit, he even asked me what did i think of him.
In summary there were several things I thought the guy was into me especialy becaue of the way we got along, and the good time at the date, but then this guy went on a European trip and told me that whatever we have or it was is not going to work, that he is sorry. I mean it was just one date, he came to the conclusion taht he alreayd knew me in one date?
Noone knows the person to see if things are going to work in one date.
But then I found out the guy enjoy being single and enjoy life and not being in a relationship, , and he wants to keep it simple and drama free and he is 42 years old!!
One thing I never mention to him when we met that I wanted to marry him or that I wanted to be in a serious relationnship we were just knowing each other im not taht fool!! So I dont get why he wanted to know about my love status back then and want to know things about me if he was not interested then.
I mean I did like him and he seems he was also so I just play along, but I never told him I was attracted or that I like him I thing it would had been worse If I did even if I came straight forward in that case honesty for me would had been worse.0