We had sex, and now I feel used and gross? Also, I was obsessed with him, and now I dont like him, why?

This guy and I have been talking for about a month now. We went on a few dates, i went over to his house and slept over w/o having sex a couple of times. He let me know of his insecurities in relationships, he said he doesn't know what he wants from anyone right now. I know he is not in a place where he wants a relationship, and he may be seeing other women, I don't know.

A week ago we had sex for the first time. Then last night we had sex again.. and as I woke up this morning laying next to him, I was spooning him.. looking at him, and I just lost all obsession or desire I had for him a day ago. The past month I was enamored with him, I thought so greatly of him.. then I don't know, last night he invited me over late (he works night shifts so the hours we spend together are usually late) and I went over there around 3am. We jumped right into making out, then having sex. It was good sex, it lasted enough time and we communicated well ( I think anyways), but... I feel so OFF. I left before he woke up. I texted him a little later with a reason why I left early (work) and that i had a really good time, and all he sent me was that he figured thats why I left, and to have a good day!

Why do i feel so bleh? Is it because I feel partially used? Because I kinda do.. since i just went over there and all we did was have sex. I know thats what couples do and it was late at night, but... I just feel kinda rushed and taken for granted or something. I feel kinda gross.

by the way, im 21 and he's 28


Most Helpful Girl

  • Are you sure it is you feeling that way or worried that now that you have done it he will feel that way? I have been in the situation before, many times, where the lead up to sex is great, I feel like I am being respectable and he feels that way because I am not sleeping with him off the bat, then when I do, that excitement does go away and sometimes I feel like I "gave in". It changes things when you open that door, it could go either way now. So, the excitement always goes away and anxiousness into what will happen next sinks in. Either way, yes, you rushed into sex this particular night but you slept at his house without having sex! AND went out a few times, I see you feel that way because you jumped into it on that night, but he is not using you, you have went out a lot. I think you gave him a respectable amount of time before having sex.

    • Thank you! I do mostly because he said he isn't fully ready to be exclusive because of his own issues... So it makes me wonder what if those are just words to string me along.. You know? Should I just go with the flow and continue with what I'm doing?

    • Thanks for mho! Yeah, it already happened now and you cannot take that back so I would just do whatever you feel like doing. He still might not want a relationship with you and might not ever. But, since you already slept with him it might hurt more if it doesn't work out but if you have sex with him more it won't hurt any more so just keep having fun and go with it for now. Try and keep your options open though and look for someone who will commit.


What Guys Said 1

  • Because you don't know what you want.


What Girls Said 1

  • Perhaps you wanted more, but accepted a substitute and now you're disappointed.

    Maybe you're building up sex too much in your mind. It's a normal human activity, not something magical.

    Probably a little of both.