The guy I'm dating is afraid to commit to a relationship due to his past ones being bad. advice?

Have been seeing each other appx a month and a half now, known each other for a few months before. Things are great, don't fight and always have a great time together. He has a busy schedule we have to work around that. He always finds time during the week to make time for us though. He started to feel bad last week, about how he thought it was unfair to me that we don't have as much time together as he feels I should get from him. We talked and I told him I'm ok with that, I understand, the summer is busier time of year for him. Everything is ok with that and he feels a bit better knowing I don't mind. He talks to me throughout the day when he can.

During that conversation he mentioned a couple things. I'm just direct quoting them, they are in order minus my responses.

"I haven't had someone care so much in a long time and its freakin me out"

"I know you said before you understand which is great but it's still not fair I feel to you plus I'm worried as to how long you'd go before you'd say enough is enough type thing :("

"For me the concept of a relationship keeps popping up more and more but that's freaking me out. I like my freedoms and every relationship I've been in started off fine but turned into me being restricted as to what I could do and where I could go. Like I went on a trip to Ottawa with Mike for a week and I was given a hard time cause I didn't take her along type thing. I want to travel, see the world bits and pieces at a time but I wanna do that on my own accord. Like some trips I'd love for you to come but other trips be like a bro kind of thing and I feel that I'd be restricted in that regard which frightens me a bit"

I told him I wouldn't and I feel the same about trips sometimes you want to go with friends and others Id like to do with him he said "Awe, okay good to know. Just so you know I do miss you 💕"

I want to help him push passed those past feelings from his previous bad experiences so we can move forward I just don't know how.


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What Guys Said 1

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What Girls Said 2

  • It would be an excuse or no. Guys are very straight forward and rarely drop hints unless they couldn't make up their mind. If he truly like you or want you, he wouldn't want to keep saying things like that, since if one day he keeps saying that, what if one day you say, okay then let's break up. So he already expected this would happen and sort of leading to it. Being passive and let you the as the person to decide. My boy have a hard time dealing with 2 jobs and 3 kids, and he had a very bad experience from the previous marriage which the girl cheated on him and dumped the kids. But he never feel afraid of falling in love with him again and not afraid to pay all of his emotions into me even though he had such an experience. I asked if he will be afraid of committing again, he only told me he just not even dare to think of the days without me. He probably still likes you, but I'm pretty sure just not as much as you do. A guy loves you will be strong for you. By seeing he typed several bigger messages explaining how he feels, I guess you can kinda ask him something like, so do you want me to go then? If he says yes, then you know what it is... Good luck :)

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    • A guy loves you always figure out ways to make the relationship works, instead of throwing out more questions... :)

    • Well the reason we had that conversation is: That same day he had actually said he wanted to stop seeing each other because of how bad he felt about how we could hardly see each other since his work picked up. He sent me a text around 5 when he was home from work that day and told me and said he felt bad and didn't want to to end up hurting me because he knew that i really liked him. Later that night around 10 he texted to see if i was ok and i asked how he was his response was

      "I dunno, I've been wrapping my brain around it for hours feeling like I fucked up if you want honesty. Like on one hand I really like you, but on the other hand I don't feel it's fair that I can't see you so often and I dunno I just feel I fucked up and I'm full of regret"

      That is how us talking about it started, I never asked him about a relationship it wasn't him making excuses he was just opening up to me

    • We also live an hour apart and because we haven't defined anything yet, we decided no parents to be introduced. We talked about that decision right away because I live at home while I'm in college and he is living at home to save up money so between those and his busy work that is what makes it harder to see each other. He still makes time and we figure out things to do that don't involve one of our houses unless we know it will be empty. Otherwise we would spend the night with each other but its just not ideal to go over so late when we are both up at 5 am and one of us would be driving home an hour really late.. He was house sitting his friends for a week, a couple weeks ago so I was staying with him for that whole time. He does make an effort its just not always that easy

  • I think his past is just an excuse he's using. If he really wanted you, nothing would stop him

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    • That same day he had actually said he wanted to stop seeing each other because of how bad he felt about how we could hardly see each other since his work picked up. He sent me a text around 5 when he was home from work that day and told me and said he felt bad and didn't want to to end up hurting me. later that night around 10 he texted to see if i was ok and i asked how he was his response was

      "I dunno, I've been wrapping my brain around it for hours feeling like I fucked up if you want honesty. Like on one hand I really like you, but on the other hand I don't feel it's fair that I can't see you so often and I dunno I just feel I fucked up and I'm full of regret"

      That is how us talking about it started so I don't feel like that is him making excuses really

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