I know this is probably going to sound like a rant but I'm really annoyed right now. A guy just called me shallow because I told him (nicely) that I'm not interested in anything other than friendship. It's not the first time this happens but the way he said it really bugged me. Like he was entitled to a chance because he's a nice guy while I'm the shallow one who only goes for looks. The thing is, he's 8 years older than me, overweight and below a 6 in looks. We have absolutely nothing in common even though he's nice to be around. I'm a college student, I like to work out and I care about what I eat while he works in a supermarket, hates working out and loves junk food. I'm not saying there's something wrong with that but is it so wrong of me to want a guy with similar interests? A guy who I actually find attractive? Why do people, especially guys, keep blaming me for being picky and call me shallow? I'm so tired of this double standard...
It's not wrong at all I'm sure if you had more in common with him even just beyond looks you'd have formed a bond and he would have had a shot, but that was the case here. People often get frustrated when denied even of its in the nicest way possible because they are frustrated with themselves and are frustrated with their hardships. For me that has never been an issue i don't look amazing I am a bit over weight but I except my self and cherish who I am and enjoy those around me there are struggles in life and I have lost many people that I loved but even then there is a brighter out look a brighter tomorrow. In that o have never struggled in relationships or finding sex even with beautiful women or even done better sexually than many friends who are notably more handsome but that's simply because I am who I am and because I am confident in myself. Confidence, joyand, laughter those are the three major hurdles to get past one who is confident in themselves often attract those around them, one who is joyful even in the bad times often attract those who simply want to enjoy themselves and be happy, and laughter is the way in to people's hearts and mind. We often forget that being kind of just being kind to others it's being kind to ourselves as well and when we are kind to ourselves, when we are confident, and joyous, and enjoy laughing as well as having people around us that can laugh as well and generally just enjoy the moment that is when people become attracted that is when people try to get to know us. Who are you more likely to go to a hot guy at a bar who is by himself and just seems moopy ad down on himself or the guy who may not be so attractive but seem like the life of the party and is just having fun and enjoying the company of others and who's just putting his best foot forward and having a great time. Odds are the not so good looking one that's having a great time. That's what people fail to see attachment and attraction although dose have a part to do with the physical really is only a small part of the big picture and if you love yourself and generally give love and happiness to others then people come to you. Most of the time I don't even have to do anything and I will get hit on but that is only because I except myself and those around me.
You're not shallow. In fact, your expectations seem totally reasonable. Calling you shallow is just a typical butthurt guy reaction.. For some reason guys often seem blind to their own hypocrisy especially when they get rejected. They are overweight yet would never think of going for an overweight girl but then complain about fit girls being shallow when they get rejected. There's a good chance this will happen to you again in the future so I wouldn't care too much about it if I was you.
You are shallow, and so is everyone one else on Earth. There is nothing wrong with being shallow. The entire idea about how shallow is something bad was created by butt hurt people that didn't meet the standards of others. Literally anything that someone can be attracted to has been called shallow at some point. No one is going to want to be partners with someone that has nothing to offer them. The word shallow no longer has any real meaning do to its over use.
As long as you are reasonable in your standers then its fine. Just don't become one of those women that start whining about how you never get approached when what you really mean is you only want to be approached by guys that are out of your league. Or complaining that the guys you want are all afraid of commitment, because they don't want to commit with you. Those are signs your being too picky. As long as you can actually land the type of guys you want, then be you can be just as picky as you want.
Its not exactly a double standard if it happens on the other end as well... But hey, if you wana be picky, by all means. I encourage picky people. Just reducing your chances of finding happiness by preselecting/judging before even getting to a deeper area. there's a quote..."love comes from the strangest of places"... so unless you are dating as a recreational pastime with no future plans or anything, being picky is not exactly the best idea. Wait till you are 35 with about 6 failed relationships under your belt from the very tiny pool of people that you restricted yourself to due to being "picky"... you think you are annoyed now... lol... not yet.
Being shallow is not the term to be used, many guys can't take rejection properly but it is totally your choice and you are opinionated. But you can't complain that there are no nice guys. You can't find all the qualities in just one guy. Guys with good looks and body realize the market well, so they know well, that there is always his demand, so many turns out to be jerks, not all though but the possibility of finding such who is just the perfect match for you would be close to about 0.001%, so it is your choice to have an opinion but making certain comments would make you a hypocrite!
Depends what you're picky over and just how much you expect, if you use certain things to tick boxes you'll miss who the person actually is and wind up dating someone who's just good on paper which is shallow and superficial. I know girls who've dated dudes who were intelligent and had money but weren't attractive, after they turned out to be assholes they were really kicking themselves because it was all that trouble for a dude they didn't even find attractive. lol. Anyway do what you want, who cares if loads of ugly dudes think you're shallow. haha
Their just mad they can't rise up to your standards so they try an attack those standards lol similar to an army unable to lay siege to a city and take it by force because that particular town or city has strong/secure walls built around it to protect whats inside but little do they know or care there is a good reason for that village to be as heavily fortified as it is.. just beware of the trojan horse they may try to slip in & trick u with to gain entrance.. tge Trojan horse was masked as a gift but actually had many soldiers waiting inside to get inside & take that town by means of deception & cunning which also is the devils main tools as well. GoodLuck!*
In short no. The person is a moron. I've been on the other side of this. I slightly larger women asked her friend to let me know she liked me. I said I wasn't interested and suddenly I hate fat people and was "fat shaming".
I can't help who I am interested (attracted or otherwise) to and I shouldn't have to force it. Neither should any women. It's there problem if they feel entitled to something. The world doesn't owe anybody anything.
It can be depending on how picky you are (ie. if you're looking for like the perfect guy that just doesn't exist), but also, you're attracted to who your attracted to and you know what you want and don't want which is a good thing. A lot of women truly don't know. The guys that call you shallow may just be lashing out because of the rejection (you hurt me so I'll hurt you back kind of thing). Some guys (people) don't deal with rejection well. Just ignore them.
Tell him you have nothing in common (if it's true, maybe you really were just rationalizing away the fact you just weren't attracted to him physically). Always give people a short explanation, if they're still dicks about it then so be it, but do try to give them that explanation so they can work on themselves or understand that it wouldn't have worked out anyway.
A friend of mine (player type) said that you know you are a size 42 jacket, but sometimes you should just try a 38, a 40, or a 44, 'just to see how it fits'. I know what I like and want, so why waste my time and money with others I know aren't a good fit? If that is 'picky', then I guess I am.
Nothing wrong with having standards. I work hard for my body.. bust my ass @ uni.. take care of myself. I deserve to have a girl on my same level. You're entitled to have a preference. I think I told someone else this earlier too.
No, it's absolutely fine, I'm the same way. The relationship wouldn't work anyway if you genuinely aren't attracted to him and don't have anything in common, it would probably be a waste of time to try. I do the same thing. :)
It's ok to have standards and to be picky but a lot of girls are severely picky. As a guy a lot of times it seems like nothing you do will work if you lack something, but anyway, that guy is clearly mad because he got rejected and is calling you shallow to make himself feel better. Just ignore him and move on.
I dont think any those standards you listed are too much to ask for. Whats frustrating is when girls put requirements like "he has to be at least 6 feet tall". Because then as a guy its like damn it, I work out, I am in great shape, in college studying to get my masters, but I still miss that height requirement by 3 inches. Its at the point you know nothing you do is good enough,
if you date someone (or don't) based solely on his appearance or for purely materialistic reasons, then yes, you are shallow.
however, there is nothing wrong with having standards. physical attraction is important in a relationship, though it shouldn't be the only reason you date someone. plus, if you have nothing in common, it won't work long-term, if that's what you're looking for.
There's nothing wrong with that, his comment just reflects that he's insecure and frankly, he needs to grow up. Believe me when I say it is always good to have standards. I lowered them once and aha, lets say i'm never going back there again. As long as you are not actually being shallow, and you just know what you're worth then whatever - good for you. Keep your standards high.
There's nothing wrong with it. You're looking for a guy who would likely relate to you, and vice versa. That isn't shallow. Now, if you were saying no solely because of his looks, that would be a bit shallow. But you still have the right to refuse a relationship that you wouldn't enjoy.
They are blaming you just to feel better about themselves. It is really good to be picky as long as you're being realistic. Also, no one should lower their expectations because they want a relationship. You should want a relationship because of the person, not a person because you fear not having a relationship. By the way, congratulations for taking care of your body! :)
I think we have the right to be picky and have our own standard. I am on a dating website and I dont really like them that are overweight. I dont look for someone like a model, but I do care for eating healthy, work out and I am nearly underweight (in a healthy way, Asian tend to weight less..)
he only said that because he was upset, Because you are pretty and he though that you only go for looks. But i am picky too and it's okay. we only want the best for ourselves, so ignore him and keep looking for a guy that is at your standard:)