Should guys have to pay for a girl's meal to be considered gentlemen?

I recently saw a post about how this girl lost interest in Asian men because of one instance where she went to a restaurant with one and he didn't offer to pay for her or her sister. So I'm just wondering how common this mindset is among women, and for guys whether or not you would be willing to date a girl who thought like this?

Should guys have to pay for a girl's meal in order to be considered gentlemen?

  • I'm a girl and I think a man should pay to be a gentleman.
    27% (91)3% (10)16% (101)Vote
  • I'm a girl and I DON'T think the man should pay to be a gentleman.
    70% (238)2% (6)38% (244)Vote
  • I'm a guy and I agree a man should pay to be considered a gentleman.
    1% (3)23% (69)11% (72)Vote
  • I'm a guy and I DON'T agree a man should pay to be considered a gentleman.
    2% (7)72% (210)35% (217)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • She's a cunt and that's pathetic of her to say all Asian dudes are shitty and cheap just because 1 dude wouldn't pay for her. Honestly she's not worth buying anything for.

    No smart gentlemen would pay if he doesn't have the money and I doubt she ever thought to consider that. Plus I don't see why he would even bother for her sister to be there. Over all that chick is just a full on pathetic cunt.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm gonna be pretty blunt here. When it comes to the topic of whether or not a guy should pay for a girls meal, many women are self centered bitches. Paying for someone's meal isn't nice unless they can't afford it, it's using money to buy someone. Nice is helping someone who could use help. Buying someone is paying for someone so that they will look upon you with favor, usually for the benefit of the person paying. What is the guy buying with his money in this case? He is making her feel like she's being provided for (which is a foolishly 2 dimensional delusion) as leverage to get romantic intimacy and/or sex. Alternatively, buying a girl a drink is spending money to make her feel happier and hornier and thus more likely to open her legs for him. Both are manipulation plain and simple, it baffles me that people not only consider these behaviors socially acceptable but they actually see manipulating people and being manipulated as a *favorable* means to an end in these circumstances. It is absolutely absurd that people do not see this for what it is, it's like people lack critical thinking skills. It would be nice if we could cut it out with this shit. Surely I can't be the only one who would rather have a relationship with someone on the basis that we like each other and make each other happy, as opposed to having to jump through hoops and buy the opportunity to date her and get to that point.

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What Girls Said 66

  • That's a ridiculous mindset.
    For one, it's silly to start hating a whole race solely because of the actions of one of it's members. Also... does this chick realize that the reason that this tradition (of men paying for their s/o's meals) came to be is that women were once not even allowed to have an income of their own by law? That if women want to continue fighting for equality and be looked at as equals by men, we're going to have to start pulling our own weight and not continuing to reap the benefits of getting men to be sole breadwinners and doing the dirty-work, yet not be viewed as inferior/dependent on them..

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    • well said. this is great.

    • Men are dependent on women for sex. Does that mean men are inferior to women?

      (Yes I realize that women want sex too but it's usually much easier for a woman to go without sex than it is for a man. Men are generally much more desperate for it.)

  • 1. He was invited as her sister's guess.

    2. 3 people? That's not a date; more like a social gathering.

    3. Just because he was short on money? It sounded last minute.

    4. He was the guest, I'd have paid for him.

    5. It's nice if a man *offers* to pay, but I'll never let him.

    Summary: This female disgusts me that she threw race into this.
    I'd have paid for his meal.

    He was invited, sounds like it was last minute, and he sounded strapped.

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  • If I am asked out to dinner by a guy, I go knowing that I am able to pay for myself, but honestly have never dated a guy who let me pay. G@g is seriously the only place that I have ever seen men complain about this. I have paid for dates, plenty, but definitely not the first one. When me and my husband dates I even had to fight just to pay. All of the guys I dated had the "if I invited you, I am saying I want to take you out, and it's on me mentality", not that it's right or wrong, but I appreciate that a lot more than someone who asked me out and would expect me to pay for something they planned. But I'm kinda old school I guess.

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    • it is right, if a friend invites me over to his house then refuse to even give me water; i'd say poor hospitality and think of them lesser!

      its your time, you are the one choosing, not him. he is applying for you. he has to impress you. so that kind of thinking is kind of justified. this gesture i think just says hospitality and care. if you invite a guest for a visit, would you not give them food?

      but then again, I am old school as well, so maybe we're a bit biased lol.

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    • @slimstiffy I don’t think you’re a misogynistic idiot... you just seem overanalytical. I guess but like I said... the only guys I’ve ever heard say that are here. I have been on plenty of dates where I’ve offered to split the bill and the guy looked at me like I was being ridiculous or silly. I don’t know if there are guys here who just overanalyze or are quick to assume/try and avoid someone they perceive to be high maintenance or what because out in the real world, guys never let me pay. Especially if it’s the first three dates. The only time they warm up and agree to split things is if we start seeing each other on a regular basis.

    • @CosmicallyCombined
      Okay. Fair enough.
      Maybe they dont think about it. Or maybe they did notice and won't judge on that right away and decide to see more of a woman before labelling her high maintenance. But i think that even though they were confused. They probably appreciated your offer. Thats just what i think

  • he didn't have to pay but it would be the sweetest thing (:

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  • That's the dumbest thing ever.

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  • Being a gentleman is not about paying for things...

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    • occasionally paying is a sign of generosity, and if it's on the first dates, the guy wanna make an impression.

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    • @blunttalker I agree that we shouldn't be easy but being bought is a risk...
      Gentlemanly behaviour to me is about chivalry... Anyone can pay for a meal.
      I have had guys test my personality before because I have been put in a position to pay for myself which was annoying as I had made him dinner numerous times in the past and I didn't see him again after this because it said to me he was inconsiderate. He said later he wanted to see what kind of girl I was. Made me mad

    • Not anyone can pay a meal.. A guy may not have enough money to pay for dinner, but he doesn't wanna pay dinner at mcdonal's, so he works hard to take you to some special place because he thinks you deserve it. Money doesn't come easier, plus he could have spent that money to buy his video games instead. We like our parents to spoil us from time to time when we are teenagers, even if we have the money, bc we like it and they love us, should we say no to our parents too? bc then that means im less than them or incapable of paying?

  • Yea, he didn't have to pay since he was invited by her sister (if I understood well).
    If it was a date that he planned, I guess it'd be appropriate for him to pay for the meal. If it was me, I would have told him to pay for what he ate. I don't like being offered everything. Even though it is not the guy's attention whatsoever, it makes me feel like I'm assisted and unable to provide for myself but mostly because I feel like I owe them something and I am tied to them with the feeling of owing them money. I wouldn't get mad at a guy who tells me to pay my part of the bill. That's why I always carry my card with me when I get asked out.

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  • I agree that a gentlemen would pay for her meal, but definitely not her sister's meal. But not necessary to pay... A traditional gentleman would, though. And he did, so... But he commented on how much he's going to pay - so that was not a gentleman move. Why ask her on a date if you're going to complain?

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    • He didn't ask her on a date. He was the one invited to go with them.

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    • @heavensgift2girls Yeah, I can see that. But then he can just tell her straight up - not hint at things because then she can always just pretend she's not getting it and then he'll become more and more angry about it until either they break up or it all blows up in her face - by him. Why go through that then... being honest is just easier.

    • Often they don't want to be confrontational so instead give out hints, hoping their partner picks up on it. Its really hard to have a talk with the other person, and them not feel like you are attacking them.

  • I don't think so... It really depends on where they are going. If I plan on going out for lunch with my sister and my guy friend tags along, I don't expect him to pay for me. That's a little snobby in my opinion. Him paying would have been nice, but it doesn't make him any less of a gentlemen. Holding doors open is something a gentlemen does. Letting me sit at the table before he sits is what a gentlemen does. Walking beside me instead of in front is something a gentlemen does.

    Paying for my meal is a gentlemen quality, but him not paying for it doesn't make him less of one.

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  • I agreed with all of it but the fact that "all Asians are cheap" lol wtf. That's a false generalization. I've been on a dat with an Asian before and he paid for everything. But besides that, the guy should have paid for her, and especially not complained about paying for his own meal like what the fuck... Common curtesy

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  • I would say being a gentlemen is about his attitude and how he treats others, I would associate kindness, generosity, politeness and consideration with being a gentlemen, and not so much based on his specific actions, such as does he pull out the chair, or pay for the bill?

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  • I disagree with her LOL.

    FIRST: that wasn't a date that He invited Her on

    SECOND: Her sister invited Him not the other way around ( so why the hell He should pay? She invited Him She should pay if just one person have to pay LOL )

    THIRD: what the hell was the sister doing there? Why didn't they bring all the family for the pour guy to pay? LOL

    FOURTH: How stupid do You have to be to invite a guy with You & Your sister to go out and wait for Him to pay all the bill. I think someone wrong Him with a sugardaddy LOL XD Guess she's one of thoes girls that thinks guys are her pigg banks... and thoes types of girls have a name ---> GOLD DIGGER !!! :D

    Although I agree that if a guy asks You out He should pay and it is a gentleman's move. I hate when a guy invites me somewhere and than I have to hear complains that everything is expensive ( PS. I do not go anywhere with a guy that I can't afford myself and I'm a normal person ). I just take my wallet with a "Don't worry I got the check" and than it is Goodbye Mr. penny-pincher.

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  • i'd say she's just materialistic and only sees man's worth by the amount of money he is willing to put on her... which is quite cheap coming from her actually (ironically).

    and i think this kind of mindset USED to be dominant, but I see a lot of girls nowadays who values more the time he spent with him rather than if he payed a 10$ or 100$ meal...

    and for my case, i'd rather spend the time doing other activities which would involve going out, walking and stuff rather than sitting my butt down and eating some food lol.

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  • When I was dating I went to every date with enough cash to pay for myself and some extra. But that's because I was raised to never depend on anyone, least of all for luxuries like going out. But, if my date offered to pay for me as well I would graciously accept it. I didn't expect to be taken care of by random men, but I deeply appreciated it when I was.

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  • lol wut. i thought you meant on a date so i'm glad i read the whole post before i voted. that's extremely stupid. and now she views all Asians as cheap? -_- sounds like a troll if you ask me!

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  • That girl has a gold digger mindset. I believe the only time a guy should pay for dinner is when it's a first date. And for the record, it's not a date if a third person is there as well.

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    • why do you think a guy is obligated to pay for your food? even if its the first date? this honesty concerns me that women think like this. women have jobs and wages now, pay your own food.

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    • @ravidricha96 I've got nothing more to say.

    • @anonman32
      I imagine.

  • This is honestly so stupid. he was invited to go. he did not invite either of them to go. I'm not going out with your trashy ass if YOU invite ME to go with YOU, and then expect me to pay for you. That's idiotic. And classifying one race as cheap simply because one man didn't pay off their entire bill? This is just so insanely stupid.

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  • The situation she described wasn't even a date... why would he have to pay for her? That's stupid! Lol

    Even on dates it's not a matter of the guy should pay, it's a matter of whoever does the asking should be prepared to pay.

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  • I would certainly prefer if the guy offered to pay, since it shows he does care, but it's certainly not going to be a breaker for me. The only thing that would really piss me off is if he asked in the end for me to cover all of it because he can't afford it. That's just tacky no matter if it's a date or just a night out with friends.

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  • Her mindset is definitely not right at all. Not all Asians are cheap. It's wrong of her to just generalize like that. And those two are not dating so he's not obligated to pay. When I hang out with guys they always pay for me even when I try to 'fight'. I never expect anyone to pay for me unless it's my parents or other family members I usually feel gusty even then lol. But one thing I will say is that I usually am impressed and find it charming when a guy insists on paying. I am seeing one guy now and he believes it's the man duty to pay for women no matter what he's old fashioned and so am I.

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  • This wasn't even a date lol... why did she even expect him to pay? Stupid ass...

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  • Well i don't stereotype but in general a guy should pay for a girls meal to be looked as a gentlemen in MY OPINION.

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  • Its a nice gesture but its not something a guy has to do necessarily... i'm more of a half each kind of girl...

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  • If a guy asks a girl out – he pays. If I ask a guy out – I pay. I just gave a very simplistic answer. It has nothing to do with being a gentleman or a lady. It has to do with common sense and civility. Bandit 74, I respect your questions and I see them come up quite often. I tried to give you the correct answer based on my experience and common sense. It appears you are at the beginning stages of dating. There are no rules but it's all common sense

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    • Thanks for the complement :)

      The girl in the post stated that her sister invited the guy so I dont see why he should have been expected to pay for either of them.

      Also the rule "whoever asks, pays" pretty much translates to the guy pays since the guy is usually the one who does the asking.

    • In the above example the girl the sister pays. I agree with you. And you're right it does translate to the guy paying for the first date. That's the way it is. I'll give him a blow job in order to ease the monetary pain. lol

  • That girl is just rude. whenever a guy asks me to hang out or on a date i never expect for him to pay, even though they always do, i at least offer to pay my share. if they don't the next time we go out i make sure im the one asking so that way i have the excuse to say "i invited you therefore i get to pay"
    it shouldn't be all about the guys paying, she probably just isn't independant so she needs someone else to take care of her. i myself feel pretty independent so i have no problem for mine or both when on a date or just hanging out.

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  • Paying for your dinner date would be a gentlemanly thing to do but not doing to doesn't mean you're not a gentleman. He went out with friends, he wasn't even dating that girl. He's not her keeper he shouldn't need to pay for her.

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  • Well shouldn't have to pay for her sister, it's not like he's dating her. Also, did her sister invite him with the expectation that he would pay for the whole meal? If so - what cheap women. I have friends (they're Asian) who literally battle for the check even in outings among friends, so like, whoever that girl attracted reflects her own personality it seems. I, personally, never go out with expectations to pay for me.

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  • Wth, lol.
    Her sister invited him and she wanted him to pay for both?
    Ugh. That's piss me off.
    My best friend moved and when his new chick friends and him went out to eat he'd pay for both of them and it just..
    Pissed me off.
    He'd pay for his girlfriend's friends svgdvhfcjfd
    Anyways, no.
    Just no.

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  • paying is not polite its pimpish.

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  • lol what

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  • More from Girls
    36

1 private opinion(s)
Only the asker and the opinion owner can see it. Learn more

What Guys Said 63

  • If she thinks $60+ is "only $60+" then she should pay for her own spoiled ass.

    I voted D) because she's clearly sexist and unempathetic and spoiled and high maintenance. Nothing will ever please her as a human being.

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  • When dating I always expect to pay for the first date and I hate that expectation. It's why I only ever buy coffee now. It's beyond rare I take a women anywhere expensive because... well why should I? It's about getting to know the person. The romance is still there (walk along the see front for example) it's just always cheap in actual cost. I also get to finish the date quickly if it's not going well. Not being trapped in a three course meal with someone I don't like has it's advantages.

    Outside of a date I wouldn't pay for a women just because she's a women. If I enjoyed myself and wanted to offer I would but I would for men as well. Women don't get special treatment on that front.

    If I'm being honest I see two things wrong with this post.

    1) The girl sounds a little racist. She branded all "Asian men" as the same because she felt entitled after her sister invited him out.

    2) Not only did the sister invite him but there were three one the "date". At least that's the way I read it. Either it a double date and neither man offered or the three of them meaning "date" isn't the correct term and she's just sore she had to pay for herself? The second would be much worse.

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  • if she considered it "... only $60+" she should have paid for him...
    Asian, indians, jews, and Arabs don't become rich by blowing their hard earned money on entitled idiots like her.
    Part that irks me the most is that she didn't even want him to tag along, but expected him to be a "gentleman" to her spoiled ass nonetheless... i would have stuck a middle finger in her face.

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  • Entitled little princess.

    She also has no concept of money if she thinks it's "only" $60. So she's also spoiled.

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  • No, shit is made up by females. Tell me what do girls do to guys that benefit us men? ill give you my pay check for an entire year if anyone can answer that. I don't want hear sex either. Anyway. He did not eat all the food, why should he pay? He don't love his sister why should he pay? She's clearly one sided on what a gentleman is. And now she seem like she only like his for money.

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    • Why not sex?

      & you realize that men benefit more emotionally from relationships than women do?

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    • @mistixs wow? Umm all I saw was basically telling me women sacrificing more but no examples how? But I'm not saying woman haven't made the effort cause they have. They are just highly misunderstood for the most part but lacking drastically in the logic department. if I'm getting to know you or we are friends but you want me to pay for your food... Then you expect me too so we're through or she gets upset at me? Okay then we just don't see eye to eye on things cause I do t know her like that and clearly she was raised differently so it's not meant to be.

    • @mistixs also sorry for getting off topic but I like your profile picture by the way.

  • 1. Not a date if 3 people unless somehow he dating both of them which i doubt it
    2. he was invited so generally the inviter pay, not the invitee. That why when a guy ask a girl out, he pay, because he invited her.
    3. He a dumbass for saying " oh man this gonna hit my pocket" outloud. NEVER say it outloud. That is really rude and is basically complaining.
    4. Plenty of girls with all kind of opinion and preferences. Just forget about her and move on. I don't see why it bother you so much that you need to make a topic over this.
    5. If it were me I would pay and not said a single words. But I would cease all contact right after. I would definitely not pay for just one person while bitching about it. Either pay for everyone or not pay at all.
    6. She is really closed-mind for lumping an entire race together because of one bad experiences.

    I know a friend whose boyfriend who was Asian cheated on her, she was so hurt that she decide to never date Asian ever again. Do I disagree? Yes. But that is her choice. Her problems. There still plenty other guys just like there plenty of other girls to choose from. Worry not my Asian friends =)

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  • A man should pay... if he is daring her and invited her out. If they are not dating, he has no obligation to pay for her unless he offered to. And if she wanted to go out, and invited him, he should not be expected to foot the bill.

    But the general mindset that a guy pays on a date? I neither disagree nor find it offensive.

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  • "only" $60+. Right, "only". A day's salary for some. Bitch, you think a hoe like you with that rotten mindset of yours is worth 8 hours of a guy's time? Cause that's how how long some people need to work to get that money. And that's in a relatively advanced country. Luckily, that's no longer a problem for me, but it used to be and I know what it's like to work all day for even less than that.
    What a spoiled little brat. Not only does she generalize an entire race based on ONE SINGLE encounter with what sounds like an American-Asian no less, she's also an entitled little shit. And on top of that her sister is the one who invited him, not the other way around and SHE didn't at least offer to pay for HIM when they both obviously knew the guy is tight on money? Well, they can both fuck off then. Even if she were a 10/10 goddess and begged me to date her, I wouldn't even look in her direction. What an entitled child.

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    • i doubt shed give you the chance hahahahahaahahahah

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    • @ivaneca - I want you to know, I just read this ENTIRE conversation. I want to give you an award. Not only for keeping your wits about you but for continually standing up to this individual.

      I also wanted to throw this in there, you're actually pretty cute. ^-^

    • @Smmyskittles , haha thanks. A bit late of a response from me, but I don't really get on this site that often. And you're pretty cute yourself :)

  • Fuck that. That's the type of girls you hit it and quit it. They don't respect you, they think you're less than them, so you have to pay for them.
    I'm never dating a girl like that, if she's a gold digger, she can find someone else.

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  • only $60? WTF
    That is almost 2 times dinning out for 2 people.
    1) Whoever asks the person out should pay. He is not responsible to pay at all since they asked him.
    2) he probably should have paid for himself. but he is certainly not responsible for paying for the sister.

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  • I can't stand girls like this. Just because you're a girl doesn't mean you're entitled to my wallet ESPECIALLY without a title.

    You INVITED ME. Why am I also paying For YOU. I do the 50/50 system. One thing I learned about today young females, if you don't put your foot down from the Start, they will run you dry. Some guys feel this is OK cayse they might be getting sex

    You're paying for sex now? I had girls still sleep with me after the 50/50 system.

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  • We were told:
    "A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle." - Gloria Steinem
    www.brainyquote.com/.../gloriastei101986.html
    We were told that all men were rapists, because all sex was rape. - Intercourse (1987) by Andrea Dworkin.
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intercourse_(book)
    The vast majority of women responded to these insane statements with. . . silence.
    Okay. Buy your own freaking lunch.

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    • OK but only if you men are OK with sticking to your hand rather than getting actual sex

    • Thankyou for admitting that women bring only one thing to the table... and even that is a depreciating asset.
      My hand will not divorce me and take my house and other assets; or use a child-support order to turn me into her impoverished slave for life; or make the standard false allegations of spousal rape, domestic violence and molestation of my ow children.
      All things considered, my hand is an attractive option.

  • Guys don't have to do that in order to be considered a gentleman. It's just icing on the cake. Just be courteous. Know where you're taking the girl beforehand and if you do decide to ask instead, just be decisive and pick the damn restaurant. Walk up to her door to pick her up. Say hello to family if she's living at home. Open the door for her and your bases are covered. That said, if you take her somewhere you don't expect to pay, without telling her where beforehand then pick somewhere affordable.

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  • that female opinion owner answer...

    ha. ha. ha. ha.

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  • I'm not attracted to gold diggers & princess syndrome types!

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  • Honestly, maybe its someone thing a guy would want to do to impress a woman but its not something that should be considered the "right" thing to do to be considered a gentleman.

    We live in an age where women have equal opportunities men do and are perfectly capable of paying for their own meals. Personally, I'm not going to try to insult a woman by treating her as if she is incapable of taking care of herself or paying for her own meals.

    If I want the meal to be my treat then yes i'll pay but if its just a casual experience then there really is no reason to pay for every meal. That's just stupid and unfair toward the man.

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  • A pink text on gag clueless about dating lol what a surprise

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  • Lol GAG women. What can I say. A lot of them are truly special. Their mindset and their repetitive generalizations.
    66.media.tumblr.com/.../...1dYkHx1s77f7bo1_540.jpg

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    • And to be honest the guy should pay for the first few dates till they become official or whatever. If he was the one who approached that is. If the girl asked the guy out then she should pay for the first few dates. After that, they should split or take turns each time.

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    • @lucky4u The dude got invited. I'm not even sure if that was a date now. He's not obliged to pay for her sister when he was a guest. He should have paid for her possible date though. But I wouldn't call her a date. And why shouldn't anyone call her names? When she was being blatantly racist by generalizing Asians. Are you racist like her too? Only a racist would defend another racist.

    • honey everyone is a racist, they just deny it.

  • Obviously that girl is outta her mind and thinks she's a princess or something. But its actually quite common. Not as rude as her but soooooo many girls expect it during dates.

    Its nice for a guy to pay but not for all dates with every girl. Only with the girls he really likes and wants something serious with because in those situations you want too rather than feel obliged to. But women know this and thats why If he doesn't pay she'll think he's not that into her

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  • Gentlemen do what women want, like a good little tool. It's chivalry when it benefits them

    "Only $60?" Sorry, but anyone who can hit my wallet like that with no hesitation is a gold digger. I'm not dating some spoiled princess

    This is also why men aren't going on dates if the woman invites him. They say "whoever invites has to pay," but come on. We all know that shit doesn't really happen. The moment the man doesn't pay, he's cheap, and it's gonna be used against him at some point.

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  • I would not even want to talk to a girl like that.

    Some extra info for you. The whole gentlemen thing is a mindset and has nothing to do with your wallet.

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  • That's one dumb female gager right there.

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  • The payment should be split equal, or be paid by the one who suggested the place. (If my girlfriend wanted a double date in Disney World, I would NOT be paying for all that!)

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  • thats just a case of another self entitled dumb ass who thinks its a Mans job to pay for everything when a guy pays for the food at a Date that means he is being nice if it was a friendly get to gather with more than just him an a girl dont expect him to pay for everything. sure 60$+ in reality isn't much but for food thats a bit expensive and especially if he is not wanted by one of the party members.

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  • He was invited. If you invite someone you pay for them or at least it is rude to expect them to pay for you.

    There are different situations.

    I would pay for a girl i am in a relationship (girlfriend, wife, mom, sisters...)

    I won't just pay for the first girl that pops up. (I am not rich. I am a freaking part time paying for college or even if i did have money.)

    If they are a friend (girl) i hang out, i may pay for her sometimes, but i just can't pay for her all the time.

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  • She invites me out to dinner and expects me to pay for it? Yeah... No. I'm not even Asian and I wouldn't do that. Cheap hoe.

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  • I would have paid and then gone to a toy store. Bought a cheap plastic tiara and the next time I saw her I'd give it to her and say "since you want to be a princess". Then cut her from my life.

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  • The fact that she thinks guys need to pay to be gentlemen doesn't bother me. What bothers me is that she now thinks all Asians are the same just from one experience

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  • HAHa, if its not a date, Why the hell am I paying for you and your sister. I always am very aware of being used, and that sounds like pretty girls using their charm to get off free.

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  • To me, these girls are prime targets for running game. There's absolutely no ethical dilemma about using her for just her body and beauty if she sees you as nothing more than a credit card.

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