Is it selfish or bigoted to want to not date a guy who's out of your religion?

My religion is really important to me and I don't think I'd want to date a guy who didn't share it. I mean, for one, I'd want my kids to be raised in my faith, and that would probably be a big conflict if I married a guy who wasn't the same religion. Plus there's a lot of other things, like I'd be worried a non-religious guy wouldn't be happy waiting til marriage. I just don't think I could do it, but some of my friends say I'm being a bigot for saying I wouldn't date someone who's not my faith. Am I wrong?


0|0
6|18

Most Helpful Guy

  • Absolutely not. When it comes to relationships, religion and politics are the kind of thing that can end a marriage faster then light. It's not just a question of your willingness to "tolerate" someone else's belief or lack of belief. It's a matter of dramatically contrasting worldviews, and when worldviews collide, the results can be devastating for a marital relationship.

    However, given that you say that "I'd want my kids to be raised in my faith", I wonder how important your religion is to you.

    1|0
    0|0
    • What makes you say that last line?

    • I'm sorry, I miss read what you wrote. I though you said that you would want you kids raised in your faith. My mistake.

Most Helpful Girl

  • You don't do it because you think you can't... It's all about your mindset and clearly you are just not open to the possibility because you are too busy living in fear instead of experiencing it and finding out for yourself if it can work or not. Maybe it can't, maybe it can, you don't know.

    But I guess that's what religion does to you, control your mind about the things you can and cannot do.. Do your thing girl and if you really believe that only a religious man can provide you waht you want, go ahead and do that, maybe he will, maybe he won't... That you can only know when and if 20 years from now he is still the same man and you are the same woman you are today...

    Life is a very powerful teacher and sometimes it will give you things in the least way expected... so brace yourself, you might just be surprised in thinking you know better :)

    Good luck.

    0|0
    0|0
    • The worry for me is that we wouldn't "find out if it could work or not" until after we had kids together. I've heard a lot of stories from fellow religious people who had everything working fine until the first child came along, and then suddenly it was a huge fight over how to raise the kid - even if they thought they'd previously agreed. And once you have kids it's too late - you can't back out of having a kid with this person.

    • That is why I said life is a very powerful teacher and there are just things that you WILL NEVER know how they will play out until they do...
      And that is very well applicable to marriage as well as to ANY other aspect of life... It does NOT matter you choose, at the end of the day, you do not know and will NEVER know what the outcome will be until you are right then and there in that situation/moment experiencing it. And it is never what you expected/hoped it will be. It will sometimes be better, sometimes worse, other times unexpected but never exactly what you think it is or will be. That is why I said, you don't know unless you try.
      How many same faith people dont marry and then divorce 30 years later? or different views people marry and divorce 30 years later? It's about the people who are in the relationship and how they change/grow as they age.

      You can never know & you will never know.. &looking for validation to make the right choice is a waste of time. U can never b sure.

    • So you just have to make a choice aand stick with it and HOPEFULLY, hope that it works out for the best... and if it doesn't... well at least now you know and can do better/different next time or try something else.
      But if you want it to work, that just means 2 people need to be equally committed, and serious and dedicated to making it work. Otherwise, sooner or later - it will end, regardless of religion, beliefs, culture, etc. or whatever.

      Those who WANT to make it work, no matter what.. Those who give up, will give up no matter what.. Those who want to fight, will fight no matter what.

      It is just a simple as true as this.. If there is a will, there is a way; if not, there is an excuse - whatever it may be and however valid it still is.. That's just how it is.. Welcome to life!!

      The one place where you don't have the answers and will never haave them, so make a choice and live the consequences of your actions, whatever those may be. Success!

What Guys Said 17

  • you're not obligated to do anything in the dating world that you don't want to do.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Not at all.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Well, it's incredibly stupid. In my rational and personal opinion. Religion should not be the thing that directs your life or decides or tells you what to do or what not to do. All you truly need is faith. Faith and unconditional love in a man that's just. I can guarantee you there would be more compatible mates outside of your religion.

    0|0
    0|0
  • no it isn't , in fact i think ts traditional in Jewish and catholic familys to marry someone who is of the same religion but im not sure how many do that still.

    0|0
    0|0
  • That is entirely your choice.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Neither. However, you would be severely limiting the men in your dating pool. For example: Me. I'm an Atheist that doesn't want to be married and doesn't want to have kids. That alone rules out 95% of my dating pool. Only thing I would compromise is religion and I would let them know I would not convert.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Not bigoted but close minded and everyone is close minded to some degree you're just human like everyone else.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Not at all. If anything, I think two people sharing their lives together should at least share a moral framework and oftentimes that is informed by your religion. As an atheist who believes most morality is relative rather than definitive, it is hard for me to see myself with someone who follows a fairly laid out idea of morality whether I abide by them or not. There is also the question of the kids; which religion they would grow up with can get quite contentious.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Whatever, everyone draws their own lines to create their reality... If that's where you draw the line, so be it... Just realize most people aren't hard core Jesus Camp people...

    0|0
    0|0
    • and of the one hard core Jesus Camp family I know, the guy is bipolar and the wife is an abusive alcoholic...

  • You aren't wrong at all. I think when you can share your faith with someone the relationship will be extra special.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't mind dating any girl but it's your preference, If you are a religious person it may be a problem to you. So it's ok.

    0|0
    0|0
  • no, if someone has a radically different view of the world than you, then you probably aren't compatible anyways

    0|0
    0|0
  • No..

    0|0
    0|0
  • No tgats perfectly fine.

    0|0
    0|0
  • No, it's your opinion. Marry who you're happy marrying.

    0|0
    0|0
  • no , its up to you.

    0|0
    0|0
  • no there's nothing wrong with bigotry.

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 5

  • No it's not, it's just a preference, if your religion is not important to you and you don't think you would have a preference in the future then so be it, however there's many people who want their children to be raised in the same religion and not many people are willing to convert and actually commit, so I think you're reasonable.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't see anything wrong with that. I don't really belong to a religion any longer but was raised in a way that would conflict with a few other religions so I couldn't date guys who associate with certain ones either.
    (Let's not forget that cultural ways and religion are super closely intertwined.)

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't see anything wrong with that. You have every right to date or not date someone for any reason you see fit. It's your choice. If you want your partner to share your religion, there's nothing wrong with that.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I wouldn't date anyone religious, so I guess we're in the same boat, just at opposite ends.

    0|0
    0|0
  • No you're not wrong. Date who you want and who you feel most comfortable with

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...