For as long as I can remember I have always said I would never, under any circumstances, date a guy with children.
Then I met him. He has two beautiful daughters (5 and 9), and though I haven't met them, as I grow to love their dad, I already love them as an extension of him. I don't have any clue what's come over me, but now I find myself needing advice on how to best not fuck this up.
His love for his kids and his willingness to openly put them before me completely unashamed has made me like him even more, and has made me grow to respect him as a man who has his priorities straight. It's looking like soon (ish) it will be serious enough for me to meet them. So how do I deal with this? What can I do, what shouldn't I do, what can I expect from them as far as resentment, and what kind of protectiveness can I expect from their mom out of fear of me stepping on her toes?
Most Helpful Guy
Don't discipline them directly for doing generally bad thongs, let him do that, but don't be a pushover. If they do anything directly to you that you don't like, simply voice that: you have as much right to stop them from messing with you as anyone.
That being said, the most important thing you can show them is patience. They are kids: as mean and pigheaded as they can be, they are just trying to learn how to be a person. Sometimes, they will step on your toes, both literally and figuratively. Don't get angry, just try to direct them in the right way.
Realize that if the relationship is to become something more permanent, you may become family. They might be your new daughters, and you their new mom. Don't be afraid though: being their mom will be an awesome and fulfilling experience. Begin showing care and affection for them right now: you are auditioning for their love just as much as you are auditioning for his. Buy them presents on their special ocassions, be involved in what they are doing, and put their needs before yours.
As for him, doing all of these things for his daughters will make you a thousand times more attractive. Just as they will start to see you as their mom, so too will he start to see you as his woman, his wife: soneone who will help him as a parent, a partner in all he does. The most important thing, however, is that you can't treat him like a dad. He is your man, and as much as both of your relationships with your kids will make you parents, you have to remember that at his core he will want you above all else. Be that woman he craves, and make him feel like a man.
Source: I am marrying a single parent myself.1
Most Helpful Girl
I think you should act like a friend rather than a parental figure. They have both parents and don't need another one.3