My parents don't approve of my boyfriend?

It sucks, it's the worst situation I've been in my life, choosing between my parents and him. My parents are really great, I have a very good relationship with them, though they can be over protective and don't give me the intimacy I need sometimes. I am 18 years old, by the way. And my boyfriend, well, he's my first one and I have always liked him and finally now he confessed his feelings for me and it was awesome until now. My mom has doubts about him, really wants me to stay away from him, because of his race! Indeed, he is not perfect, nobody is, he did some jerky things in the past, but race is not a good reason and I honestly don't care about it! She says that I lowered my standards, that I can't think clear because I'm in love, and that I should have morals and stuff like this! It hurts me because I want to live my life, I want to experience, I want to love! She really hurts me when she talks like this. And he's all I wanted and now when we can be together, this happens. One detail, she found those informations on my facebook, she has my password and she logged in. That's what I meant by wanting space.
He may not be the best for me but we've always had a connection, something special. I know what I am doing and I really like him! I don't want this to end! But it's tough to confront my parents.
What should I do? Thank you!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Your parents love you and want the best for you however.. i do agree that they need to be supportive and not critical of you. This relationship will run it's course, you will learn from it, enjoy it and then who knows.

    But that's something you need to experience. When it's time, you will know... meanwhile.. unless he's something detrimental to your progress, goals and ambitions in life... they should support you!

    What should you do, i'd keep gathering information in terms of how you feel, what you'd like to see and how it'd be best for them to help you.

    "but honey, he's not good for you."
    - mom, think back to your past relationships, the bad boys you chased and got your heart broken.. It was fun right? And it was also exhausting... but those are experiences i may or may not go through but their are paths in life that cannot but taught except through experiences.

    Unless i start doing drugs, getting abused or if he's actively cheating on me, this is my relationship, my experiences, my own lessons and i would love for your support as i know it's hard for you to watch your daughter potentially getting hurt and your protective instinct kick in."

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm actually in the same situation but mines a tad bit different my boyfriend is long distance!! So yeah I understand but you're an adult go wit your heart trust your gut listen to your parents and keep what they say in mind but don't live your life through their standards , this guy could be your soulmate for all you know... Prove to your parents that he treats you good and makes you happy not through your words but your actions.. don't give up on him but don't throw in the towel with your parents either

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What Guys Said 15

  • well first off. perhaps you should change your fb passowrd huh?

    aside from his race what are their issues with him?

    if race is their only problem then i think you should proceed as you wish. if they have issues with interracial relationships that's on them

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  • they are right in that you an't think straight when in love like that. And that love will fade... it is infatuation. if it is just interacial, then that is their issue. But I doubt that is the case, they see concerns with his maturity level... I suspect. and that is a concern. Young girls just don't think straight in my opinion...

    but... it is your life... your choices... your misatkes... you get the rewards and the hurts and get to learn. they should give you some freedom.

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  • From what you said, you are definitely in high school and living with your folks. I don't think a boyfriend is worth ditching your parents. He will find another, so will you.

    Look, you knew your boyfriend for how long? Compare it to your family. Is he really that worth it? Do you respect your parents? What you feel with your boyfriend isn't love, it is just attraction, and you are hungry for attention (you said that you don't get the intimacy from your parents) Maybe if you talked with your parents about growing up is a process, and that attractions develop as one matures. It is natural. At this point, you need support from them so that you can feel loved by them, but on your side, you could start treating your mom like your friend, because you are becoming an adult. Start taking on responsibilities and owning your mistakes. If you have a disagreement with your parents, just listen. Doesn't mean that you have to agree with everything, but it is important that you 100% understand why they think that way.

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  • That race thing again! I wonder why humans can't realise that we are all part of the 'human' race.

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  • Honestly its YOUR life. if he makes you happy and you have good reason to be with him then that is YOUR choice not your parents. if people constantly strive to make others happy, then YOU won't ever be happy. As long as its within reason you do what makes you feel happy. You are an adult and can make your own choices. Live for yourself, not for your parents, not for your boyfriend, not for your future husband, but for you.

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  • It's really a race thing. You're probably Asian and Asian parents are very horrible at raising children (just my opinion). My mother is filipino and she couldn't handle the constant questioning and "back talking" I gave as a child so I can relate a bit to overbearing parents. Distance yourself from your parents emotionally then when you can move out when you are financially stable. That is when you can punish your mom and don't allow her to be in your life. Also, keep your guard up from your boyfriend. Boys have a tendency to say things for the sake of sex.

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  • Your folks sound controlling and not very supportive. The hard truth is you live under their roof and they can be as insulting as they want. It's not right but it's something parents do.

    There's no need to confront them you either listen to there unreasonable request or move out. What she's doing is pushing you away. I just don't see you being able to talk this over with them. They seem unreasonable about. What does the dudes race have to do anything, seriously.

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  • Your mom is a being a complete pain in the ass!! Hun just do you and who cares what she thinks. She should not be saying things like that even if she didn't approve. You'll only learn things on your own if this doesn't work out. She needs to realize that. Tell her to bud out of your personal life and if this becomes more of an issue tell her she's not the same person and that you are disappointed in her cuz you are.

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  • Race is the best possible reason for an objection, but you are too young and indoctrinated with race mixing BS to see the obvious.

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  • Well that's bullshit. But jut out of curiosity what are you guys. Jewish and Palestinian or Asian and black?

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  • This decicions doesn't concern your mom, having a relationships is your thing and no matter how much she loves you or protects you, you are the one who is gonna decide who is going to be your partner for the rest of your life, you can hear her advice sure, but if you are not convince then go out with him, do what you think cause she is not the one who is gonna spend her rest of her life with your boyfriends, its you

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  • Sometimes parents can be wrong.
    Key word : sometimes

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  • Is he black

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  • I know how you feel... There's always that fine line between doing what your parents tell you to do and listening to your own voice, in this case do what you think is best. It may be hard, but you have to make it clear to your parents that you really like this guy and keep on pushing to get your parents approval. It may also be due to the culture gap between you and your parents, they just have to accept that the standards now are different, and that you can truly date whoever you want. But be strong and positive and I know you'll make it through and work it out with you parents. Best of luck!

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  • By any chance is he black?

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What Girls Said 6

  • I'm going to say stick with your parents instead of your boyfriend. Boyfriends come and go but your parents are always going to be there for you.

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    • Well, of course I am not gonna ditch them! I want to make them understand that it's ok to date him.

    • Oh I get it, and well no offense but your parents sound sort of racist... Just because he's of a sort of race doesn't mean he's bad. Race as nothing to do with determining if someone's good or not.

  • I was in the same situation as you. My paretns are old school and only want me to stick with my own kind otherwise they'll disown me. I was seeing a guy for a bit. But I was always very indecisive and scared and confused so we mutually agreed to just leave it alone.

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  • Then do what your heart wants. Your parents are being protective and you should understannd. But you're the one who needs to show them why you like this guy, what makes him special. Let them know him, and if he's really nice and got no intentions in hurting you eventually, they will like him.

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  • i wouldn't be able to date someone my parents didn't like, but thats just me.

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  • Do want you want.

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  • listen to them...

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