Why doesn't my boyfriend take me out anymore?

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for 13 months. When we first started dating, he would ask me out regularly, hanging out with him didn't feel like pulling teeth, etc. the last 4-5 months, things have been different. He seemed to have stopped pursuing me. He doesn't ask me out on dates anymore. When I ask him when will we get to hang out again (he lives an hour away) and he always sort of beats around the bush and says he'll get back to me, and never does. So then I always end up asking a few days later again, and still get this sort of beating around the bush answer that makes me feel like he doesn't want to hang out. He doesn't really express his love for me (even though he says I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him). He doesn't invite me to his families house anymore. Doesn't invite me out with his friends. He just comes over, and then says he doesn't care what we do. Multiple times we have had plans where they got canceled because his sister called him to do the dumbest stuff, like take out the trash (which I ended up saying to him can you do that another night, we have had plans for a week and they are just now calling you, and he did call them back and say no) or his dad called and has to go do something and needs him home (they both take care of his ailing mother). I get that he has a big responsibility at home but I wish that he would communicate with his dad our plans so that ours can stick, or learn to say no when people need him and it conflicts with our already made plans. I talked to him about how I feel a few months back, and how I was feeling sort of last next to everyone else. He asked what he could do to help that, and I told him just asking me out on a date and keeping our plans would be a great place to start. Every time our plans get canceled i feel like I have to convince myself that's it's not me but his crazy life. I have no idea what to do. And all he says is that things won't always be this way.

So we broke up. He asked me out in a date Friday, and it felt weird the whole time. He wasn't holding my hand or anything. So I told him how I felt later that night and it of course turned into a fight, with him telling me things won't always be this way and they take time. He broke up with me because of the same reason and that he can't handle all this. Had I not told him how I felt, we would probably be still together, but I guess it's for the best.


What Guys Said 1

  • He's bored of the relationship... honey moon period is over. It is not his crazy life, you just use that excuse to avoid the truth.

    • When he tells me that's his life is just busy and he is spread thin, I always point out the fact that it wasn't like this the first few months. In all honesty, things really started to change once he said he loved me... We started talking in Feb, calling each other boyfriend girlfriend in May, and Oct is when he said the 3 most meaningful words ever. And now he says that's these things take time...

What Girls Said 2

  • Sounds like to me you are his last priority, my ex boyfriend stopped taking me out too and then I started to resent him because we also we'rent connecting on a intimate level anymore due to his plans always changing, I finally just gave up to be honest and I felt like he gave up way before me.

    • That's what I feel like. He does have a lot to deal with. His ailing mom, his grandma, he owns a business and runs another shop for someone else. And I will say he only had his business when we first started dating, but we still see each other often, it's just always hanging out at my house or his... Or if we do go out its whatever i want to do or have planned. He is saying no more to people cause he realizes he is a pushover with his family and so on. But this last week we have been fighting a lot over my feelings and it's making me crazy. So I started googling how I'm feeling and found this page.

    • I wish I never said anything almost. It's funny how we say how we feel and then get the opposite. All I wanted was for him to give me a little attention and let his actions speak louder than his words.

    • But its better that you did say something because it's not okay, if you did bring it up later he'd just ask you why didn't you say anything sooner etc. I understand he has a lot of responsibilities but as his girlfriend you should be the last person he's saying no to.

  • Cut your losses and stop chasing him. He's caught you so what else is there left? You need to ignore him for a bit and see if he picks up the slack. Right now he's using you and you're allowing it to continue. Go out and enjoy yourself with your friends.
    If he doesn't pick up the slack move on.

    • That's exactly how I feel. That he already has me so he stopped trying. And I tell him that and he always says it's his life. I haven't talked to him since I made this post yesterday. All he has said is he hopes I'm having a good day.

    • Ignore him and enjoy yourself. He's waiting for you to contact him first and he knows that you will, which is why he doesn't care. You're doing the best thing for you x