Why did it take a child to make him become better?

I was dating a man I loved for two years. He just was lazy and would cheat and wouldn't make a change. Each time I ended things he would come crying back saying he never physically cheated it was just online flirting. Not long after I ended things with him, he knocked up a girl 10 years younger and whom he doesn't love. She hasn't given birth yet but now he decides to mature and make a commitment to her and cut off the women he was trying to cheat on me with. I gave him my all. I know it's a good thing he is taking this child seriously but it could've been us. It takes a little girl who works at a fast food restaurant to get pregnant for him to change? This really hurts. I thought him and I had something special. Is having a family more important than love to some men?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Children can change people and your prospective of life. Your not all about yourself anymore and you want to be a positive influence on your kid. Its a life changing experience. I think I'm a different person because of my children (I'm still a jerk for the most part though) but fatherhood is a things that makes you look in a mirror and see who you are.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • How are you so certain he is going to change anyway?

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    • That's true. I'm just basing it on what I've heard.

What Guys Said 2

  • Maybe she's better at sex? I don't know. But once you have a kid, guys will change. Things will click, and switches switched.

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  • Believe it or not, most men love to protect. I I would try and be the best I could be for my baby, even if it means re-defining myself. But I agree, it seems like that is hard to understand, given you cared about him a lot. Life is never planned

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    • It feels terrible. I don't have those same feelings for him anymore but when I found out about this it's been hurting me. I even tell myself he's not the man you would want as a father and he is fine with living within minimal means and he doesn't care about travelling and all the things I love so it wouldn't have worked out anyway but it really kills me on the inside.

What Girls Said 2

  • Simply because he wants his child to grow up knowing that he did take care of his mother and is trying, children sometimes do make people grow up and know that they aren't the only one now, they can't be selfish if they want their children in their lives. He probably really wanted a child and if he's an asshole chances are the mother wouldn't want him in the childs life, if he cheated on her and did awful things she could take him to court.

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  • In his case I don't think he really loved or respected you. However yes a child does change many people because it's a real commitment and it's a huge deal. Some people do see the importance in being a good parent and good role model so that might have really just changed his perspective on things.

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    • You're right he didn't respect me. But he rather have a family with someone he doesn't love than have had a family with someone he claimed he still loves.

    • I dont think you can look at it that way. It's not a comparison between you and her, the fact of the matter is that he now has a child with her so he has to take on that responsibility. If he accidentally got your pregnant too, I'm sure he would have done the same.

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