Boyfriend asks me to move in- to the attic?

Been dating for over a year. We each have a kid from a previous relationship. WWeve discussed marriage and future plans. We almost bought a house but decided against it as we are both going back to school over the next few years. I decided to stay with my dad and he is going to stay with his mom.
So I've had some money and family problems and he wants to help. My family has been pretty consistent at ruining things for me in the past and he really wants me to be successful. So he says, if I need to i can move in with him as a backup plan- but in the attic?
The thinks the attic is more appropriate because he doesn't want his son to see us sharing a room when we aren't married. He offered to pay me for housework so I wouldn't have to work very much while in school.
I feel like his intentions are good, but he says he considers us family and this arrangement doesn't seem very family like. It seems more like a maid that puts out. I already told him I would only accept as a last resort, but I haven't told him how weird it seems to me. What do you think? Is this weird?

Updates:
To clarify there is an apartment in the attic. He had lived up there years ago. Its pretty nice.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • it depends what the attic is like , maybe its better than some I've seen before. it sounds like a genuine offer but may or may not be a nice place to stay

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's one thing to be apart of a family and act like one, then there is another part where he doesn't want you around his son when you're not married and wants to pay you for cleaning the place up.

    I understand that he wants to be a good role model to his son. If I could ask.. How old is his son? If you've been together for a year has he not spoken to his son about you?

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    • Actually the son and I have met and are very fond of each other. He is 7. He also likes playing with my daughter who Is only 2. The problem isn't me being around the kid, he just doesn't want him to see us sharing a room supposedly, and that has to do in large part with the kids mom throwing a fit and trying to stop visitation. Buuut... We almost bought a house together, and we would've been sharing a room then so I don't get it.

    • Show All
    • No they are not fighting custody. The kid has always lived with the mom and just visited the dad. He just doesn't want something else to fight about. He said he would stay with me upstairs sometimes but he wanted to keep his own room for when his son is there. He knows we are a couple but he has never seen me stay the night. And the only time we have stayed overnight with my daughter is on vacation. (We do family vacations) if I HAD to take the offer I wouldn't accept any money for cleaning. But I don't like the fact that he even offered it like that. Indentured servitude much?

    • Argh yeah not fighting about something else is always nice. No one wants conflict. The whole sleeping arrangements isn't bad at all. I think the main issue is that his offering you to pay? You need to tell him how you feel about that. Just say (in a non attacking way) "I appreciate the thought of you wanting to help me financial wise. But I don't want to feel like i'm being paid to provide you with a service. It's really puzzled me that you'd even say something like that"

What Guys Said 1

  • the attic? if you feel comfortable yeah, but Attic?

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    • Are you afraid of attics? Lol

    • I have one, its small and a confined space. you can't even stand up there.

What Girls Said 6

  • I honestly don't think it's THAT bad.. lol the way you wrote the question makes it seem like he's stuffing you away, but I read that you said there's a full apartment up there. He basically is just asking you to move in as another roommate. That's not too bad. You'll have your own space with your child and he will have his. This way you guys and the kids will be able to get used to living together. Plus the paying thing I think is him genuinely trying to help you with the money situation. It is a little weird, but I do think he doesn't mean anything more by it.

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    • I think he is trying to be helpful, I think it just confuses me because were were going to buy a house and live together as one family. I think I would feel differently if it didn't seem like regression.

    • Yea I get where you're coming from, but I think buying a house together is a little different because that's basically an obvious sign that you guys are creating and building a family together. Since this is with his mom I think he's just being more cautious about how it comes off.

  • Hmm he probably wants you to have your own privacy I do find it really off but who knows how his mum feels about it right? She also may not want you two to share a room because of the fact you aren't married, its his mums house so its her rules etc. I think its a but weird but I would accept it if its the way to move forward.

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  • Sounds like a pretty good deal to me! Even if the relationship doesn't work out, its going to help you get through school. I don't know why he would care about you sharing a room, but that is a different problem.

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    • He is afraid his ex will say something about us sharing a room with his son there because we aren't married

  • LMAO the attic. No way?

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    • Its like an apartment he and his sister both lived there previously

    • Listen if its a job as a housekeeper and you need the money and a way of getting away from your family then take it but dont be in a relationship with a guy that wants you to move into his attic

    • Yeah that's kind of how I feel about it I don't want to feel like "the help"

  • The Attic! Not a chance in hell.

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    • I forgot to mention its like a huge apartment up there. He lived up there before. But when he originally mentioned it i thought the attic would be our room and my daughter would take his room. But he intended me and my daughter to take the attic which is what makes me feel weird

    • I think the two of you need to sit down quietly alone and thrash this whole situation out completely.
      Otherwise it almost sounds like you could end up being nothing more than the hired help.

  • Why, what's wrong with staying in the attic?

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    • The attic is nice, its just that we are supposed to be a family and I was invited to live in a separate area and work for wages. It kind of makes it feel like servitude

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