I've wasted my life at 23?

I've completely wasted it at 23...

let me tell you something about myself

Im a woman of 23 almost 24 and i live with my mother and she is depressed and i hate living there but up till now i had no money and was too stupid to move out and take care of myself. I feel like a failure... i did nothing special this past year but sit at home, broke but i go to school. I Always feel scared to live my life because i still live with my mom and im scared what she will think of me. I met a guy at 22 and i really liked me, he was like my first kiss and all and i was pretty sexual with him. I only saw him like 5 times but we texted a lot and he wanted to get serious with me but all of a sudden he backed out and left me hanging, im still a virgin tho... after that experience i had another experience with another guy... i made out with him was also pretty sexual but we didn't do the deed. I went on a few dates after that but haven't met anyone yet, the last date was 6 months ago and i had a fight on the last date with a guy... i was SO sick of my life and i just broke down, i felt like failure, with no friends, no boyfriend, still single, never even had a boyfriend just a few failure dates, and people look at me like im crazy,, i feel socially behind and just plain awful... what should i do? i was a very responsible good girl,. i just wasn't mature enough to take care of myself, reeally insecure... i miss myself and I've lost myself... my morals, my life... Im seriously at a dead end...


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Most Helpful Guy

  • "[...] i felt like failure, with no friends, no boyfriend, still single [...]"

    One of the things I would suggest is to stop trying to determine your own self-worth by fixating on getting laid.

    That will generally deprive you of developing those social qualities which will actually allow you to have a nice relationship with a man.

    It generally goes hand-in-hand that people who have a very hard time getting attention from the opposite sex also have a hard time making a large number of friends of the same sex.

    It's easier to develop those social qualities by just seeking out friends first before you go chasing after boys. So I recommend a detour, try to focus on making just ordinary friends and putting yourself out there and having a good time. You do have to put yourself out there. Don't decline invites to parties, social groups, don't shy away when people say "hi" to you. Let yourself brighten up, have fun, laugh.

    Put the idea of getting a boyfriend behind you for a bit. Focus on yourself and making friends. It'll generally help, and you might find a boyfriend before you know it if you just take it easy and learn to navigate the social aspects of life.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I know exactly how you feel and I'm there too currently. I live out of a suitcase, have been bouncing around from state to state for 5 years now, living with whoever will take me in. I can't get a job to save my life, can't go to college, have health issues on top of that, the love of my life who I was going to marry recently broke up with me, and I'm insanely depressed because I thought he was going to be my ticket out of this self-made hell I've found myself in. My last resort is to start my own business and finally start climbing out of the hole. I'm not going to stop though, even if i fail, I have to keep moving.

    Keep going, do whatever you can whenever you can. You're still young, we both are, and I'm in your corner. Don't worry about what your mom thinks, I wasted a lot of my life trying to please my parents who both expected different things from me. Parents can raise you but they can't determine your life and you can't let them. In the end you are your own person and its not too late for you.

    Just keep swimming :)

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What Guys Said 14

  • One of the best places to be is at the bottom, realizing you are lost and need a change. I was there around your age. It is a great place to start turning things around. It is hard to be around a depressed person. I had a similar scenario 2 years ago with a very difficult and depressed xGF, job loss, and home was in disarray. We all break down. I feel great now... there is freedom. Here's stuff that works.

    God = Jesus = Love - learn about this and learn to have relationship with God. If you have a relationship with "Love" that is right... it is what we all need and require. Go to church, socialize, give love, feel love.

    Counseling - you don't have $ now, but go to a church that offers lay counseling... free. Can help sort through mom issues, childhood issues, someone to talk to, set a path.

    Love yourself as you are: learning you don't need all of that is key. Let go of the expectation to be someplace... accept where you are, but that you want something better and work towards that.

    Exercise! Feels good, socialize while doing it.

    Possible to get part time job at some point for $?

    Read to improve yourself: change your life in 7 days... about self esteem an image. Mars and Venus on a Date - about dating.

    I'd say stay away from guys now. you are not in a healthy place mentally and are looking to them as a bailout. I undersatnd, but two needy people in a relationship is a mess. what you want is two healthy people on their own coming together... or at least one... Some guys can build your self esteem, but most are "needy". you'll drain each other unless you find a really good one.

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  • every day you live is a day is an opportunity to improve your situation.

    perhaps you just need to create a list of tangible goals.
    for ex. 1. could be work on sustaining a relationship for a certain amount of time.

    but you are in school so i wouldn't get down on yourself about being broke. most college students are. dating is tough and you aren't a failure because at 23 you haven't had a serious relationship. just work on taking steps towards obtaining achievable goals

    but remember you are absolutely NOT a failure

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  • You have listed everything that you don't like about your life.
    It might not be easy but you can take each one of these things and change thing.

    First get yourself to a sport, gym, yoga, dancing, running etc basically of something that gets you to feel good in your body (youtube if you don't have the money for classes
    Second, don't worry about dating, sex, guys. These things things aren't what defines you.
    Third try and worry less about what others thing of you, and letting yourself feel your negative thoughts beating yourself up.

    Overal you are still very young and have a huge amount of years left so you aren't wasting any life, you are ony starting it. but you have to accept the responsibility for changing that isn't in the guys you meet or your mothers approval. It's in you taking the step to step up and change your life. Use the list you have put above and find a small thing to change and keep at it. USe any judgement you or others give you as fuel to keep at it. In only 1 month you will realise you being happy with you, attracts more and more to it.

    What you should do is change your life for yourself.

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  • Your words suggest to me that you may have depression, in the medical sense of the term.
    I would encourage you to speak with your doctor to ask for a referral to a psychiatrist for assessment.
    I have walked with the black dog since I was a small child, but it was not diagnosed until I was 42.
    Please, seek help, if only so that you can rule out a medical issue as the cause for your current state of mind.

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  • At 23, you're still starting your life. It's never too late to change things and if you're unhappy with your life, you have to make changes so you are happy with it. It's normal, most people are unhappy at some point in their lives, how you deal with it and what you do about it is the difference between staying that way or becoming happy.

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  • your just overthinking it too much, im 24 and i never even touched a girl before, so does that mean i wasted my life too, ? no. feeling like a failure is i can understand since im a dyslexic, i have failed in my life soo many times that no one has ever been i think. my point is problems always come in our life, but that doesn't mean we get depressed or think that we are failures, no, we shouldn't look back and we should keep moving forward. life goes on and we should move on.

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    • i did know better, i knew better, i should have left at 18

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    • well, its useless to think about that now, because you can't change the past. so focus on moving forward

    • I know I'm the same. Your parents should have been helping you to become more independent at 18 but they might have manipulated you when you were still naive. Don't forget that the recession was fresh when you were 18, and work was tight. You may not remember.

      My dad tried to keep me dependent on him by withholding the money I earned while working for him, calling up training courses and canceling them, stifling my driving and putting me on meds to make me more obedient. He would tell me the world is too 'expensive' and I realize the false economy because you actually earn more money when it isn't withheld from you. And back handing me when I made progress with my animation career trying to stop me completing commissioned work. I didn't realize that he had been deliberately stifling me until he got violent. He still tries to make me work for him and withhold my money. I just got over the fact the support was conditional and went out on a limb.

  • Pffffffftttt you just told us stories about your life. You didn't waste your life. Just move on Playa and keep ok rollin.

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  • Generally 23 is the time that people get their act together and do stuff. Look at the history of great people and 23 is the game changer. The brain is developing and you are becoming independent. I'm not quite in your position but GO OUT THERE AND DO SOMETHING. Up skill if you need to.

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  • And nothing will change if you keep wallowing in self-pity.

    You want something to change? Then stop wallowing in self-pity and actively do something for a change. In german we say that you are your own fortunes smith.

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  • its never too late to turn the tides and start doing something with your life. all fears can be conquered.

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  • never too late my dear go and find job keep your money leave from mother , you will find a man soon i believe that.

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  • Game over.

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  • you haven't wasted your life. I went through a similar feeling after I got out of abusive relationship. you need to get out, find something that can be yours alone and you can have pride in. for me I started fencing. met new people, made friends.

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    • at least you had a relationship

    • again I will repeat it was very abusive. being in a relationship does not define your place in the world. every day of your life is an opportunity to change it, meet people, find happiness.

  • Feminism has really messed up society. Its actually hurt girls more than guys. Sigh!!

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What Girls Said 5

  • take a deep breath and relax. everyone has their own timelines in life. it's still early. finish school, get a job, set your self settled and stable and then you can look at how to improve on other things. that way you can still rely on yourself when nothing else comes through. I'm 24 and I still live at home, it saves me money so I'll have more when I actually do want to move out and do my own thing.

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    • you dont get it... i should have got out of the house at 18... it wasn't a healthy enviroment... i live with my older sister who bullied me around for years and because pf her its hard to mantain a social life with a psycho and a mother who constantly nags and can't be alone... i failed myself... i should have dumped them at 18 and should have LEFT, i would have had friends a boyfriend a degree a LIFE noe i have nothing and im STILL a virgin at 24... never had a boyfriend at 24? people always think im crazy and look at me like im crazy... i feel so ashamed then,... i mean what should i tell them... i didn't have a boyfriend because i lived at home? if i did my best i could have had so MUCH more! i could have finished school and started uni at 23 but like a FOOL i stayed and now im depressed... im so STUPID i chose money over my freedom... it hurts so bad and I've feel like my mother and older sister won and i lost...

    • I'm sorry :( but it's not too late! do all of those things. it might be later than you planned, but you will get there. you don't have to tell anyone anything. if they ask why you didn't have a boyfriend you say because you didn't feel like it, you were focusing on other things. you can't live your life thinking "what if" you had done something instead. you have to look forward. make a plan, follow through with it and things will slowly fall into place.

  • You posted this a number of times. All is not lost unless you DO something about your life.

    Life isn't over just because you can't find a partner at your age. You are still young. My advice is. take care of yourself first before you try to look for someone to take care of you instead.

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  • Do not waste another 77

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  • You should be seeing a therapist. Is there some kind of insurance you can use through your school?

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  • Most successful people (I mean that go through a straight path of graduating and getting a job from an early age) did so because they had a very strong support network of adults/parents.

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