Im a woman of 23 almost 24 and i live with my mother and she is depressed and i hate living there but up till now i had no money and was too stupid to move out and take care of myself. I feel like a failure... i did nothing special this past year but sit at home, broke but i go to school. I Always feel scared to live my life because i still live with my mom and im scared what she will think of me. I met a guy at 22 and i really liked me, he was like my first kiss and all and i was pretty sexual with him. I only saw him like 5 times but we texted a lot and he wanted to get serious with me but all of a sudden he backed out and left me hanging, im still a virgin tho... after that experience i had another experience with another guy... i made out with him was also pretty sexual but we didn't do the deed. I went on a few dates after that but haven't met anyone yet, the last date was 6 months ago and i had a fight on the last date with a guy... i was SO sick of my life and i just broke down, i felt like failure, with no friends, no boyfriend, still single, never even had a boyfriend just a few failure dates, and people look at me like im crazy,, i feel socially behind and just plain awful... what should i do? i was a very responsible good girl,. i just wasn't mature enough to take care of myself, reeally insecure... i miss myself and I've lost myself... my morals, my life... Im seriously at a dead end...
"[...] i felt like failure, with no friends, no boyfriend, still single [...]"
One of the things I would suggest is to stop trying to determine your own self-worth by fixating on getting laid.
That will generally deprive you of developing those social qualities which will actually allow you to have a nice relationship with a man.
It generally goes hand-in-hand that people who have a very hard time getting attention from the opposite sex also have a hard time making a large number of friends of the same sex.
It's easier to develop those social qualities by just seeking out friends first before you go chasing after boys. So I recommend a detour, try to focus on making just ordinary friends and putting yourself out there and having a good time. You do have to put yourself out there. Don't decline invites to parties, social groups, don't shy away when people say "hi" to you. Let yourself brighten up, have fun, laugh.
Put the idea of getting a boyfriend behind you for a bit. Focus on yourself and making friends. It'll generally help, and you might find a boyfriend before you know it if you just take it easy and learn to navigate the social aspects of life.
I know exactly how you feel and I'm there too currently. I live out of a suitcase, have been bouncing around from state to state for 5 years now, living with whoever will take me in. I can't get a job to save my life, can't go to college, have health issues on top of that, the love of my life who I was going to marry recently broke up with me, and I'm insanely depressed because I thought he was going to be my ticket out of this self-made hell I've found myself in. My last resort is to start my own business and finally start climbing out of the hole. I'm not going to stop though, even if i fail, I have to keep moving.
Keep going, do whatever you can whenever you can. You're still young, we both are, and I'm in your corner. Don't worry about what your mom thinks, I wasted a lot of my life trying to please my parents who both expected different things from me. Parents can raise you but they can't determine your life and you can't let them. In the end you are your own person and its not too late for you.
One of the best places to be is at the bottom, realizing you are lost and need a change. I was there around your age. It is a great place to start turning things around. It is hard to be around a depressed person. I had a similar scenario 2 years ago with a very difficult and depressed xGF, job loss, and home was in disarray. We all break down. I feel great now... there is freedom. Here's stuff that works.
God = Jesus = Love - learn about this and learn to have relationship with God. If you have a relationship with "Love" that is right... it is what we all need and require. Go to church, socialize, give love, feel love.
Counseling - you don't have $ now, but go to a church that offers lay counseling... free. Can help sort through mom issues, childhood issues, someone to talk to, set a path.
Love yourself as you are: learning you don't need all of that is key. Let go of the expectation to be someplace... accept where you are, but that you want something better and work towards that.
Exercise! Feels good, socialize while doing it.
Possible to get part time job at some point for $?
Read to improve yourself: change your life in 7 days... about self esteem an image. Mars and Venus on a Date - about dating.
I'd say stay away from guys now. you are not in a healthy place mentally and are looking to them as a bailout. I undersatnd, but two needy people in a relationship is a mess. what you want is two healthy people on their own coming together... or at least one... Some guys can build your self esteem, but most are "needy". you'll drain each other unless you find a really good one.
every day you live is a day is an opportunity to improve your situation.
perhaps you just need to create a list of tangible goals. for ex. 1. could be work on sustaining a relationship for a certain amount of time.
but you are in school so i wouldn't get down on yourself about being broke. most college students are. dating is tough and you aren't a failure because at 23 you haven't had a serious relationship. just work on taking steps towards obtaining achievable goals
You have listed everything that you don't like about your life. It might not be easy but you can take each one of these things and change thing.
First get yourself to a sport, gym, yoga, dancing, running etc basically of something that gets you to feel good in your body (youtube if you don't have the money for classes Second, don't worry about dating, sex, guys. These things things aren't what defines you. Third try and worry less about what others thing of you, and letting yourself feel your negative thoughts beating yourself up.
Overal you are still very young and have a huge amount of years left so you aren't wasting any life, you are ony starting it. but you have to accept the responsibility for changing that isn't in the guys you meet or your mothers approval. It's in you taking the step to step up and change your life. Use the list you have put above and find a small thing to change and keep at it. USe any judgement you or others give you as fuel to keep at it. In only 1 month you will realise you being happy with you, attracts more and more to it.
What you should do is change your life for yourself.
Your words suggest to me that you may have depression, in the medical sense of the term. I would encourage you to speak with your doctor to ask for a referral to a psychiatrist for assessment. I have walked with the black dog since I was a small child, but it was not diagnosed until I was 42. Please, seek help, if only so that you can rule out a medical issue as the cause for your current state of mind.
At 23, you're still starting your life. It's never too late to change things and if you're unhappy with your life, you have to make changes so you are happy with it. It's normal, most people are unhappy at some point in their lives, how you deal with it and what you do about it is the difference between staying that way or becoming happy.
your just overthinking it too much, im 24 and i never even touched a girl before, so does that mean i wasted my life too, ? no. feeling like a failure is i can understand since im a dyslexic, i have failed in my life soo many times that no one has ever been i think. my point is problems always come in our life, but that doesn't mean we get depressed or think that we are failures, no, we shouldn't look back and we should keep moving forward. life goes on and we should move on.
Generally 23 is the time that people get their act together and do stuff. Look at the history of great people and 23 is the game changer. The brain is developing and you are becoming independent. I'm not quite in your position but GO OUT THERE AND DO SOMETHING. Up skill if you need to.
you haven't wasted your life. I went through a similar feeling after I got out of abusive relationship. you need to get out, find something that can be yours alone and you can have pride in. for me I started fencing. met new people, made friends.
take a deep breath and relax. everyone has their own timelines in life. it's still early. finish school, get a job, set your self settled and stable and then you can look at how to improve on other things. that way you can still rely on yourself when nothing else comes through. I'm 24 and I still live at home, it saves me money so I'll have more when I actually do want to move out and do my own thing.