Why he won't stop leading me on and commit! What is his agenda? Help?

I dated a guy for a couple of months. He was basically treating me like a girlfriend.. Making a lot of insinuations as well.. So I didn't even question the nature of the dating process as I just assumed it would end as in a relo. Randomly he was cold for a couple days it gave me an odd feeling so when we caught up again I asked like well what are we.. Like when's this going to be more.. His answers totally shocked me and made me cry. He basically said he was not ready for any commitment and doesn't know if he will be ready for a long time. I would respect that if he hadn't lead me to believe he wanted one so much. I basically said well I don't want to see you anymore then if you don't want me. But he won't let me go.. But won't commit to me. I feel he won't ever either. Does this mean he just wants sex? The other day I finally texted saying look I can't keep being friends with benefits with you.. when I want a relo sorry it's too hard goodbye xx he texted back saying I have so much to say but can't right now. An hour later says unless you want me to just leave it as every time we talk you just forget all the problems. I said its up to you if you want to say something then say it if not then don't. 6 hours later he said I want to talk to you properly. I'll call you tomorrow. It's tomorrow no call yet but it might come. What is this guy doing to me!! What does he want from me?


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What Girls Said 3

  • How close were you emotionally during the few months you thought you were dating him? I may be playing the Devil's Advocate but it sounds like something happened that either scared him or made him close off emotionally. He says he wants to talk to you properly, that he has "So much to say but can't right now". He could be going through something that he's just not ready to share yet. OR he's trying to be a player. Perhaps he met someone else and he's trying to string you both along.

    Either way, those are his problems, not yours. You need to decide what your own feelings are for this guy. You don't want to be just "Friends with benefits"; how about "Just friends"? Or would you ideally want to be romantically involved? Once you determine your feelings, then decide if he's worth it. Regardless if he has a commitment phobia or if there's something serious going on in his personal life - are you willing to wait and see how a casual relationship plays out? If the answer is no, then don't waste anymore time on it or him.

    One of the best ways to determine if a guy likes you for you or is just playing a game is to take sex off the table. You told him you can't just be 'friends with benefits'. Stick with that decision for a while and test the waters. Go see a movie or grab a bite to eat with him. If he declines or pressures you to get physical - you have your answer.

    • I was pretty close emotionally as i saw him soo much. Like 30 times in 2 months.. he was so into me.. Then as soon as I start to like him.. And express this.. He freaked out. I just get this feeling he isn't capable of a real connection and not just a matter of time. But I feel stuck as I know logically yes I need to let it go but I feel so attached that I just don't understand why he is just so almost indifferent about it. Like he is just letting me go. And it's like I don't get why he couldn't just message me back. Why did he say he can't talk right now and yet active on Facebook constantly. It's like why does he want to call.. Like to act like he cares more?

  • Don't stay to find out. Get another guy. Forget him, don't even wait, delete his number and get tinder or something.

  • Then you need to walk away.