Can women send the first message on online dating?

I get a pretty decent number of messages on online dating but whenever I try to initiate the conversation I almost never hear back. I try to mention something specific in the profile as opposed to a generic "Hey how's it going?". Guys do you like it when the women messages you first?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's fine. I think that's how I met my wife. She wrote to me on match. com. I didn't get many messages from women, so I responded to them all, even if to say "thanks, I don't think it would work."

    The truth about online dating is that people respond as much to the picture as the message. Make sure you have a good picture posted. Not a mirror selfie, and FFS not a "Glamour Shot".

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What Guys Said 19

  • Women who initiate contact are like unicorns. You rarely see them.
    I have a rule, when a woman message me first, she gets bumped to the top of the list. Not that there's a list, nor a line, but she does get preferential treatment.

    And don't get discouraged either. Just cause one dope doesn't like you doesn't mean nobody does. My other take on this subject is this: Imagine dating as a forest, and you and I are looking for each other. We both search for many years finding nothing, And then suddenly you see me, but I dont' see you. If you don't yell 'Over here!' how the hell am I suppose to find you?

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  • duh yeah, thats what online dating is, even if its not online, and sometimes i guess you have to be quick to make moves, especially since its the girl who chooses who she wants, even if its in the offline world so to speak, cause you have many others competing for someone its like a store with a hot item during Christmas time.

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  • Online dating is even worse for men than real life, so I don't bother with it any more. But yeah, it's cool when a girl messages first, as long as she's not fat, old, or a single mother. And really, even if she IS a single mother, if she's bangable I will probably respond.

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  • Now you know how the other half lives. It sucks doesn't it? Imagine sending out 30+ messages and never hearing back. Makes you not even wanna try.

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  • God, yes. Not because us men are scared but it let us know your interest in talking with us too.

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  • They probably think you're a bot because it's so rare that women actually message first.

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    • So true, just got one of those on Tinder, got happy then boom another bot

  • of course! and I wish more would do lol

    I'm on one, not really looking for anything so it doesn't really matter, but I have about 200 likes and 100 matches and only 1 (!) messaged me first lol

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  • I'd probably like it, I've had girls make the first move IRL and I thought it was cool.

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  • Of course. I think it's time women grow up and start making moves instead of sitting back expecting men to do the initiating.

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  • Only if she's fat. I've never seen a dating site where sending a message to a man was an option if you're an attractive woman, just the reply option.

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  • ehh yea why not?

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  • Of course we do. it shows your interested in us.

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  • of course you can.. good luck

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  • Were swimming in such a cesspool of diversity that no one knows what they truly want and youl just get turned down because you seem needy. UNLESS you're like a 9 or 10

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  • sure. i would like a woman to message me first. as long as she's reasonably healthy and not psycho.

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  • Generally the only time a guy gets a message from a girl it's because it's a spam account. It's rarely ever a real account so they probably just assume it's a fake account.

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  • The only luck I had in online dating was from women messaging me. I very rarely got a response when I'd message but I'd get 3 or 4 woman a month who'd message me first. I'd reply back to the ones that I was interested in.

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  • Yes anyone can send the first message on online dating. The problem with online dating is that whether you are male or female, you are likely to not hear back from the other person. This can be for a number of reasons, but it doesn't have anything to do with gender.

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  • It all depends on beauty.
    Apart from that, they generally don't like it much.

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What Girls Said 5

  • I guess they don't believe it

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  • I initiate sometimes if I think I really wanna meeting talk to the guy. Sometimes I don't hear back and I don't stress about it. I also try to mention something more personal than just a "hey how are you" also.

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  • Hey, so I've been on dating websites before. I've actually been on them for about 6 months (but, recently got off because I met a guy.). What I normally did was send a smile/wink and let them choose to message me. Because when I was messaging the guys first I would hardly ever hear back. hope this helps. Don't force it. I use to try to force it. If the guy is interested then he will respond. :)

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  • Yeah and I ain't Afraid to like a picture from 86wks ago

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  • its not always a good idea to initiate contact with them (online or irl)... dont fall for the ones encouraging it here on GAG
    they want whats easier for them not whats best for you

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