Any tips on meeting the 'right' one?

Or just something close? I just feel so used by guys. And I know that's one big (sexist) generalization. I'm working on my mindset... I know that not all guys are the same. I hope guys can empathize with what I'm saying from their crappy experiences with the mean/petty/selfish/scary girls out there.

Background:
the ones who have shown interest in me are in it for the sex, or to get homework answers (back in high school and even college), or have attitude problems (act like spoiled children). I understand that the common denominator is me so maybe some of the problem is with me: I think about why I attract certain kinds of guys.
I have also tried to make the first move and it's a slightly better experience because they usually lose interest in me (they don't use me or stalk me. ). But I am so jaded over this dating process. I know it just takes one guy... but this sux.

anyone care to share on how to get more optimistic?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • "But I am so jaded over this dating process."

    - Dating is supposed to fun, if you're not having fun then take a break! Here's the way i see it.. if you are dating, texting or phone call and it's just "not happening?" Then that's just what it is.

    I was at a wedding not too long ago and the bride's weddings vows really resonated with me, she said "... i was 34 and not sure what i was waiting for. My friends were getting married and starting families. I had relationships that i knew had no future. I thought i was just meant to be single but i waited.. i waited for what i don't know... but now i know, i was waiting for you."

    You're 25-29, you still much time and much to improve, learn and earn in life. Keep knocking down goals, always improving yourself and it will just happen.

    Take a break! I'm right there with ya!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Perhaps, for now you could have fun as a single girl, and do things which make you happy and enjoy your life. They say that if you want to be with whichever *insert your traits here* guy that you want, you have to also be able to be on par with them.

    For eg, Perhaps you want a nice guy who respects you and everyone else, so you got to be able to respect yourself and others too, in the same way, and so on and so forth. Cause the guy probably also respects himself in the same way too, thus why he is able to respect others too. But yeah, that is a really simple example. Okay here's another example, perhaps you want a guy to be able to accept you for who you are, so to do that, you got to be able to accept yourself too and others.

    Basically a lot of these boils down to self-love, so perhaps you could spend more time cultivating it within yourself and as you do so, you set boundaries that shows others, that you love yourself enough to step away from toxic situations/relationships, thus eventually drawing only people who value and respect you in the same way that you will want them to. And yeah.

    But anyway, I hope this helps, somehow! And all the best in your search/wait and all!

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What Guys Said 13

  • Great question
    Book idea: Mars and Venus on a date...

    Its tough isn't it. You sound like a great girl, here I am:). I just went to a wedding (relative) that has "success" written all over it. Confident it is good... but took 50 years for him and 39 for her and 2nd for each.

    Definitely need to have standards and a guy cannot use you if you don't give yourself away... If he really cares about you, you can go at a more measured pace. Make your intentions clear up front.

    You sound really healthy the way you write. Use all avenues... via friends, activities, online, match making service if you have one.

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  • you just have to keep trying, and be around the decent guys and stay clear of the players and also having too much pride could also be a problem too, plus most girls mistakenly do the same thing and expect the guy to do everything and it doesn't work that way especially when guys seem like they are not interested anymore girls don't and refuse to try to make contact with them cause guys test girls out to see if they actually want us.
    girls you gotta remember guys have it rough in life and were rejected more, and its why girls gotta be more forward about what she wants and let us know, plus all guys desire sex soon in a relationship as much as love.
    plus asking the guy questions to get to know him also helps, NOT by jumping the sack first date and ask questions later.

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  • Good Lord honey ! I feel you and I've been at this a long time! And suffered through 3 longterm relationships at the hands of abuse. My life is in the toilet for all of my troubles, I know there is someone out there for me. I will always vote Love. Breathe you are worthy! And I want to leave you with this...3 things that will help...1 is he spiritual I mean warm in heart? is his word golden? 3 is he kind to all? plants and animals? If so its a good start. Smile lilcute , you will find love and when you do cherish it it is truly rare. Hugz n smiles 🍀🐶🍀

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  • I can give you the advice but I bet you won't take it.
    Every great guy watches girls reject them only to go out with assholes.
    There is probably something that makes these guys attractive, beyond the fact that they are an asshole. I get that. But make sure there isn't a difference between the guys you are attacted to and the guys you SHOULD be attracted to, because they might be better for you.

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  • No, since I myself am jaded. Women don't show much interest in me and if she does, she's really ugly.

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  • Have standards. Make a couple of guy friends. Get to know one of them... See if you're compatible... That way, you'll never go into a relationship without any info

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  • Hmmm so your looking for the good guy type... I got it. Maybe you could befriend someone who is popular and ask him to set you with someone like you are looking for. And go on a double date.

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  • I wouldn't date a girl who had many sexual partners. The race/class of the sexual partners also matters.
    So, from my perspective, at that this point you can't get a classy guy anymore. At least not what I define as a classy guy.

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  • let's see what you look like.

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  • Meet the wrong ones first so u know what and where the right one will be at or like.

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  • I'm looking for the same answer to your question

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  • the "right one" does not exist.

    " I just feel so used by guys." - Why do you think guys use girls in the modern time? Is it not funny that equality was supposed to unit the sexes instead we hate the opposite gender and women are seen as mostly sex objects. Feminism back fired on you girls, finally now you girls begin to see the damage. Its too late tho

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  • "Any tips on meeting the 'right' one" Simple, just don't meet the left one.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Read Mathew hussey's book

    It's really good and give good tips about thjs

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