Men with old fashioned ways really know how to treat a woman? Yes or No?

Old fashioned things such as - opening the doors for women , paying for her meal when not official boyfriend or girlfriend etc

  • Yes, they know how to treat a woman.
    69% (197)61% (177)65% (374)Vote
  • No, they're outdated. Women should be more independent.
    31% (87)39% (114)35% (201)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Hahaha.

    Any woman who thinks we could just go back to the 50's mentality without giving up a LOT would be sorely mistaken.

    I mean, YEAH guys paid for your meals and home and brought home the bacon and such. Of course we were expected to. What was a woman going to do... get a job? Get a job that pays nearly as much as I, a man, would get?

    Men were expected to pay for everything because expecting a woman to have a job was like expecting a child to have a job. They just "weren't fit for that type of environment". Pretty insulting, no?

    OK, fast forward to today. Now what is your excuse? What is your excuse for expecting to be paid for? "Because it is gentlemanly?" Being ladylike entailed not speaking up, not bringing up politics. Sit down. Shut up. Look pretty. That was the female equivalent of what we seem to erroneously call "chivalry".

    The remains of "men being men" is just trying to get the respect of being equals while still trying to keep special treatment. Like a child who wants to have the respect of being an adult... until they have to pay bills.

    "But buying her dinner can go a long way in impressing a girl"

    And buying me a Tesla Model S would go a long way in impressing me for sure. Do I "expect" that kind of treatment? no. Do I think a girl is "less of a woman" because she didn't buy me something? Hell no. It's not my money, why in gods name should I expect it from her?

    I'll put it another way: If a man is "cheap" for not paying for your meal, what does that make YOU, if you were apparently bothered you even had to buy your own?

    No. This "golden age of chivalry" is a myth created by looking back not at the world as it was then, but as the movies portray it. It is confirmation bias. Seeing the ways in which women got preferential treatment and acting like we can just recreate that without bringing along the sexist baggage it is so inexorably linked to.

    OK, so how does dating go for me? I must have a terrible time, right?

    In almost every date I've been on, going Dutch has been the assumption. Like any other get-together with literally anyone else. Someone can offer, and that is a nice gesture. I LIKE paying for girls who don't expect it. (I also like NOT paying for girls who DO.) I've paid many times. In many cases, girls paid for ME. Every unspoken rule or piece of arbitrary etiquette is a barrier to it just being us two in the room.

    And that's the point. It isn't the money, it is starting a relationship like we owe you something.

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    • Well they did have more rights (and in fact have significantly more rights now). The fact is women could choose to do what ever they wished men could not. The only real limiting factor for women was ability. For instance once we started having a standardized military that emphasised long battles vs. skirmishes you see a massive drop out of women (previously you had the scythian female archers/warriors who where most likely the inspiration for the greek amazonian myths as well as the nordic shield maidens). However for men what a man was allowed to do was incredibly limited their was significantly more social pressure towards men then women simply because based upon reproduction women had inherint value men did not so women irregardless of what they could provide where still valueable due to reproduction, men however had no value in reproduction so the only value they had within a society was what they could contribute. As for agricuture it is true it created some difficult times but

    • if it where not for that we would not have what we do today which is all built upon that change which has resulted in longer healthier lives. If you look at hunter gatherers despite having to worry about hunger and disease killing them the primary form of death was actually violence. Yet because of our system we have actually reduced the probability of dying by violence (for some tribes in the amazon it goes as high as 90% probability of dying due to violence) to nearly no chance of it. So it would be the "growing pains" of civilization, it lead to a much better more succesful system overall.

Most Helpful Girl

  • A lot of old-fashioned guys also have sexist views, such as
    - women aren't allowed to work and should only stay at home and cook
    - the man is the head of the household and the woman has no say
    - women should always ask the man for permission to do things, however the man can do whatever he wants even if it has a great impact on the relationship
    - women should keep the house clean and the men fed at all times, otherwise she's a bad woman and disrespectful
    - hitting a woman is ok

    etc. Really depends on just how old-fashioned the guy is. Plenty of old-fashioned guys DO NOT know how to treat a woman with respect.

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    • Most of those are true especially the last one.

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    • @genuinlysensitive I'll copy-paste a comment I already posted that you clearly didn't even bother reading:
      "A lot doesn't even mean "the majority", a lot can be "enough to make a distinction between those who practice common courtesy and those who take it to an extreme level"."
      Not even 100 years ago it was widely accepted to hit women in order to "discipline" them.

    • For some cultures maybe. But hitting Women was never in mine

What Guys Said 67

  • - slapping her for speaking out of turn
    - expecting her to make his dinner, clean his clothes, raise his children, keep his house, run his errands,
    - be seen and not heard
    - be able to rape her if married

    I get that there are some sort of golden age nostalgia about relationship but the fact is that women have it better than they did 50-60 years ago. the real need in my opinion is for people (men and women) to treat people with respect, practice good manners and be polite (so for example; hold doors for people man or woman)

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    • Yes!! Well said Sir!

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    • In fact it is entirely one sided as the evidence shows. I never once stated that it was acceptable to abuse a partner, not once and you know that so why claim otherwise? What I stated is that their is a distinct difference between not having a law and something being legal. Furthermore if your claim to spousal rape is a sign of sexism then wouldn't the fact that a woman raping a man was legal up until 2013, something which is different then your claim of spousal rape since sex between the spouses was considered obligatory by contractual agreement (otherwise again you would then have to claim that the man providing the home paying the bills and providing alimony was theft rather then spousal obligation, which of course you haven't ie you made an acception when it came to the womans role in the relationship ie she was not obligated to fullfill her end of the agreement but he was absolutely obligated to fullfill his end of the arrangement) While rape is, well rape their is no agreement.

    • As for abuse I merely pointed out that abuse against women was never acceptable however abuse against men has always been acceptable in that the man would be punished for being an abuser as well as being the victim of abuse ie the woman irregardless of the situation was always viewed as a victim and was always protected while the man was never protected. So again you are wrong, as can be proven by factual evidence not propaganda.

  • I am old fashioned and I know how to treat a woman BUT I never do anything that is demeaning to my girlfriend. I don't treat her as if she is incapable of doing things her herself and I respect her as an intelligent, equal partner. She can be independent AND I can treat her like a queen; the two are not mutually exclusive.

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  • So we're talking about "certain" old fashion ways, right? Not about the "I don't like the sandwich, get back in the kitchen *slaps her in the face*" kinda way, right?

    If so, then yeah, I guess guys that are more old fashioned know how to treat women... since we're just talking about the positives.

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    • Lol exactly what I was thinking.

      People romanticize "traditions/traditional" things too much haha.
      Really, many things of the past sucked and there's a reason why they were changed.

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    • I guess it depends on the time period you are talking about. I thought the OP was referring to something more recent.

    • @NearlyNapping time has has bred out all the negatives.=]

  • I am old fashion and treat my lady like a Queen 👑

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  • I dont get the door thing...

    I hold the door if there's someone right behind me regardless of gender and I have had the door held for me by people of both genders. So I really can't relate to whatever people are complaining about.

    Now paying for dates, I can totally understand why guys are sick of that expectation.

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  • I can't really answer this. I believe in my heart that women are equal in my eyes. I treat everyone with a degree of respect out of good manners, and because I consider me to be in high class in the way I carry myself. Everyone must treat everyone like a person who has their own way of life, and own free will to master their life. No one can judge, rule, or dictate over another person, man or woman. I have seen women try to force men to do things for them, and treat them like shit. I have seen men treat women like trash. It goeas both ways. Men and women can equally be tyrant against another person. opening doors for someone should only be offered if that person truly needs the help. paying for someones meal can only be done if it accepted by both parties, not just because your a man and she's a woman. a lot of old time chivalry in the past have been about men taking care of women, because women didn't have money, or were allowed to take of themselves. Today women are more independent. Rolse have changed so much so, that even now their more stay at home fathers, who take care of the kids, while the wife works. a lot of times the woman will be smarter financially, and the man takes are of the housework. However, just because there are such role reversals, does not dictate who a person should be treated. For each person is doing what the must to provide for the household. Main objective is to raise the kids, and live a good life together. No one is above the other, or superior. As quickly as one role changes another can change again. And in order for us all to live comfortably in this life, we must work together. Or we risk repeating certain errors in our behaviour, and our well being.

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  • I think that older guys, like 35 or more, are more willing to take the time to appreciate a woman, and respect her as more than just a one-nighter, like a lot of younger guys do.
    Yeah, I open doors, hold her hand, position the chair, when she sits, but is isn't about anything but respect, and caring for her, and wanting her to have an amazing time, with me, when dating.
    I don't expect sex, ever, even on the third date, or the seventh, or whatever some say.
    I walk her up to her door, and make sure she gets in, and I don't expect anything but the great evening we shared!
    When did 'respect' become 'old-fashioned' and a joke to some?
    Ladies, why wouldn't you want a man to treat you respectably, not assume that if he buys you dinner that you will sleep with him, or even kiss him goodnight?

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  • Since when is being nice, and thoughtful "old fashioned"? It may be expressed many ways including opening doors, pulling out her chair, or something more modern, sending her a thoughtful text just because. In the same way all "modern" things should not be automatically classified as "evil" in defense of nostalgia, things that are "old fashion" should not be considered "evil" in the name of some phantom "progress."

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  • Hell yeah they know how to treat a woman. Women are all helpless princesses who can't do shit for themselves and need to shut the fuck up and get the fuck in the kitchen: equal measure of romance and restriction.

    Now the real question is, did women with old fashioned ways really know how to respect a man?

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  • I was raised to be a gentleman, and if that makes me "old school" and some idiot wants to construe it as some ass-backwards way of being sexist, so be it. If my intent is to be polite/helpful/respectful, and you take it as some kind of slight or suggestion that it's because I think you're simply incapable of doing it, then YOU'RE the asshole, not me. Where the hell is the world at nowadays where we can somehow twist kindness into an insult. Fuck the 21st century, this shit is a joke.

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  • I think we treat our women much more special than the younger generation of guys do. Is it outdated? The younger generation of guys and a large portion of girl think so. But as long as my Lady is happy I won't stop for anyone , out dated or not

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    • Yeah x you're right about the younger generations. Some think old fashioned ways are bullshit

    • It's funny how hundreds of year old traditions became bull shit in the last 15 or 20 years. I'm not impressed if that's what is being peddled as progress

    • I don't treat my woman like an invilid who isn't capable of doing for herself or any of that , but I do still think that a gentilmanly guesture of opening the door isn't gonna cripple a woman's pride or independence

  • Funny how women talk about how sexist and oppressive men where to women back in the day and how all men should act more like that. Make up your mind. Also define "knew how to treat a lady" because they treated women that way but women reciprocated, something that is not happening know. It was a give and take. So yes men knew how to treat a lady but seeing as how ladies are a rarity now a days, most men have little if any insentive to give such dedication when their is nothing returned.

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  • Yes, we do know how to treat a woman, but we do not do that often any more because we are tired of being attacked by screaming harpy feminists when we extend traditional European social courtesies, such as holding a door open.
    When feminist loons ranted that women needed men in the way that a fish needed a bicycle and that all sex was rape we heard that. We also heard only the sound of chirping crickets when we waited for dissenting voices in the female population to challenge those views.
    Ask yourself, what would be the logical conclusion to draw from that silence?

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  • It depends on which set of old values. Men were also very oppressive back in the day as a woman "Had a duty to do as he man told her".

    Fuck that shit. Men and women are equal. The best value is treated on equal terms.

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  • I tend to treat the women in my life with respect and kindness.

    I am not sure if I would call it "old fashioned" or just treat them the way I want to be treated.

    I am not the type that has to be "the man" in the relationship where what I say goes. I like a woman that can express herself and provide an alternative point of view on a subject. To me that is just her intelligence shining through. I am not so overbearing that I have to be right/correct all the time and the only voice in the relationship.

    So I guess I am a blend of both!

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  • It's turned into a double standard. You will see women say stuff like "I want a gentleman" but they don't consider that the female side of the "gentleman's code" was in place to "help" women who at the time had no rights, were thought of as incompetant and were expected to do whatever they were told. If we truly want equality we need to dump the code and treat everyone the same. I hold the door open for people not just for women.

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  • You're on the right track, though much more is involved. I could write a book.

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  • Usually, but sometimes they can be sexist if they expect to always be in control. I prefer a more traditional relationship where I take care of the woman and treat her like a princess, but I cannot be a total dictator. To me it has to be a union rooted in love and benevolence.

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  • Some do some don't. Many that do though will expect the girl to basically do very old fashioned women things like clean up after him cook and basically give him sex whenever he asks for it.

    I don't mind opening doors but I also will do that for guys. I'll pay for the meal if I'm the one who asked them out. If they asked me out I'm cool with paying my share but would be super turned off if they expected me to pay for something that they asked for and suggested.

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  • I will never understand where this concept started. If you are only gentle towards women, you are not gentle at all, you are just trying to LOOK gentle, which is completely different.

    And "old-fashion" is a really dumb concept, older generations of men treated women like shit, and forced them to stay at home instead of getting to work. My grandad's dad got drunk every Christmas and beat his wife when he was, he was still thought as a great men, because in those days it wasn't a big deal to give a punch or two once on a while.

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  • It may be charming when he opens doors for you, pulls out your chair, and pays for your dinner, but you will quickly become irritated when he starts trying to make all the decisions on his own, making you feel inferior, and regarding you as the equivalent of an uneducated child.
    ___________________________________________

    He may seem like a cheapskate at first, but I'm certain you would rather have a man who treats you like an equal, and values your opinion long term.

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  • Most likely thats just manners not being old fashioned I guess. I don't know I hold open doors for men and women. Ill run to grab do of if someone is carrying a heavy bag and holding the door open. Its just a nice thing to do. I'll always pay for like the first dates until we are serious. Then we can split it or she can treat me one time and then I do the next.

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  • In short yes we do.

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  • They're definitely outdated. Women are able to open their own doors, their vagina doesn't prevent them from doing so.

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  • I'm cool with all the above except paying for EVERY meal when they are not official yet.

    What, am I trying to buy her affection?

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    • I haven't met a girl who appreciated an old fashioned guy, apparently they're outdated. You can tell she's not used to it when they run up and open the door themselves. lol

    • @red324 yup happens all the time

  • What happens behind closed doors is was and is hardly reported. So the idea that things where better or treatment was better is not entirely true. Also the idea of a stay at home wife not working as hard is a bit crazy. It was pretty common for the wife to be responsible for the children 24/7. While the husband was mainly working his 8-5 or doing maintenance around the house.

    Anybody who has worked in child care can tell you. Taking care of kids is no cake walk. Four hours feels like 8 and so on.

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  • Old Fashioned men have plenty of issues as well. Are they worse then modern men's issues? Its up for you to judge.

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    • @Red7336 *makes exaggerated victory pose* Ca-ching! ^_^

    • hahah alright relax xD

  • The best option is obviously a combination of both. You should still treat her with love and care but also realize that women aren't inferior or anything like that.

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  • You want equality right up until the point that a traditional role means he pays for your food.

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  • I think that chivalry too often gets equated with chauvinism, but chivalry asks a man to treat anotger person with respect and dignity, something that has been lost on the three most recent generations.

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What Girls Said 41

  • I voted yes.

    My man has traditional values. He treats me well. But would he suit all women? Of course not?

    My boyfriend walks on the side of the road with cars, he opens doors, he offers his hand or arm for me to hold, etc etc.
    But behind closed doors he can be himself.
    He toots, he burps, he tickles me, he calls me a bitch and a cow.
    Now you might be shocked.
    But I toot, burp, tickle and call him a dick.

    We hold traditional values but behind closed doors we respectfully disrespect each other. We always know when it's gone too far to be a joke, but we embrace dropping the show behind closed doors.
    The values are there, but we just joke on them.

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  • If that's what you consider a "treat". Personally, I'm very used to being a provider and if someone paid my rent for me I'd feel like a totally useless adult.

    This is what I want and I highly doubt an old fashioned, traditional man would want this too (this is why I prefer not to date them):
    4.bp.blogspot.com/.../GenderRollesLove.png

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    • So if you're into doors being opened, which many non traditional types do as well, paying for your dates, buying you shit.

      Then yes you'd be happy with that.

      Personally, I'm not into that. So it's not a treat at all.

  • it depends; some traditions (ie: holding doors, offering your coat, etc.) are chivalrous, though others (the expectation that my place is in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant) need to die.

    my man holds doors for me and pays for meals, and i do the same for him. he's the king of my castle and my heart, and i am his queen; we are equals, in every sense.

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  • It's not just opening doors or paying for meals, it's being respected for who I am, it's being treated in loving ways, it's him being so much in love with me that he wants to do little things to put it into action. It's big things like helping around the house, folding laundry, vacuuming, picking up or doing the dishes. It's cooking a really nice dinner then telling me to relax while he cleans up, he'll definitely get rewarded for that! = }. It's a whole lot of little things that he does to show me he values me as a woman, as his equal one who is just as capable of taking care of herself than he could.

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  • I think everything needs balance. I once dated a guy who was sooo old fashioned that he broke up with me because he couldn't handle the fact that he wasn't my first boyfriend. Those are very sweet things, as long as it's something a guy really wants to do out of kindness and love and as long he still treats you as his equal and not as a damsell in distress who's incapable of even opening the door for herself. Just like I might fall into gender roles and make my boyfriend a sandwich because I care about him and not because he's too manly to prepar his own food. I think we should all forget about what society expects us to do. If you feel like paying for your girlfriend's meal then you can do it, if you feel like paying for your boyfriend's meal then do it. As long as it's because you care about the other. I'd never let a guy pay for my meal if his motives were "I'm the one wearing pants in the relationship so I'm expected to do such things".

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  • Depends on the guy.
    If the traditional guy is always laying on his couch in front of TV drinking beers and yelling around then Nope.
    😝

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  • Chivalrous men def know how to treat a woman. But unless he's my boyfriend, I dont want him buying my meals. Even when he is my boyfriend, I'll buy us dinners sometimes.

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  • Yes, that doesn't mean that men who aren't old fashioned don't know how to treat women.

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  • I voted B because the whole provider shtick makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I really don't want to owe anyone anything. In my experience, most dudes who do the old fashioned thing are not actually doing it out of the goodness of their hearts. They want something, and if you don't give it to them (because you're not ready or whatever), you're the awful one.

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  • I appreciate some old fashioned aspects of being in a relationship provided they are of a positive nature, such as opening doors etc. But appreciate others far less as they are either harmful or derogatory, such as slapping women (of course) and believing that women are inferior and are only to serve the purposes of a house wife. I do not appreciate the latter, but paying for meals and such yes of course i appreciate that. It really depends on which old fashioned aspects you wish to implement into your relationship.

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  • I like traditional men. They definitely know what we like. Modern day dudes only have their dicks to offer which they can keep to themselves. Women think differently, those things make us connect to a guy. We want to feel like a lady next to a man. We want to respect him as a man. I can't respect a selfish dude who is in for his own pleasure. Fck that.

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  • Sure, until the punching and kicking comes into play.

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    • *also treating her like a slave in the house even if she has a job of her own...

  • I open doors for anyone. It doesn't matter who or what you are. It's common courtesy. I actually prefer people not to pay for my meals or go out of their way for me to open doors and what not, I guess because I'd just rather not be dependent and feel like I owe someone.

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  • In the sense of chivalry and romance, guys that do this the old fashioned way are quite charming. I tend to be drawn more toward guys that know how to impress a lady without being an ass.

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  • Nice in public and raunchy behind scenes

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    • There we go. Good answer. Means I'm on the right track ;)

  • This question can be negative and positive in different ways. Back then, men were taught in society to dominate women and women were basically slaves towards men, assessing house chores. Today, there has been an increasingly amount of dirty work that both sexes have to deal with such as the contribution towards raising their children, etc.
    Positive:
    Men holding the door for women is still an old fashion jesture that is still used today. Men offering to pay the check, is another.

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  • I'm sure they do but old fashioned doesn't fly w/ me.

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  • Oh wow.. There is hope for 60% of the males on gag

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  • Depends on how far back you go when you mean old fashioned LOL

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  • As long as it's coming from a place of respect, I think this behavior is nice.

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  • That would be annoying to me if a guy did that.

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  • Yes I definitely think MOST do

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  • depends on what you mean by old fashioned ways

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  • It depends on the woman. An old-fashioned man attracts an old-fashioned lady.

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  • past is past... there's a reason we evolve.

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  • They're men like that. Wow...

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  • I think thone are very sweet gestures but I also think women should also pay the bills and open the doors to. Give and take.

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  • Yes, they know how to treat a woman. And this things are not old fashion but polite.

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  • A woman can be independent AND appreciate when someone does this for her, and do it in return for other people.

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  • Old fashioned men know how to treat old fashioned women.

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