Should guys pay for lunch even if it is not date?

I am having lunch today with a girl I like who works with me. This will be the first time we dine together. I like her but she doesn't know that. It's not a lunch date or anything. Should I pay for our meal or we each pay for our stuff? I was raised to always pay for the girl but my friend told me since it's not a date and we only have a co worker relationship right now I don't need to. I am still confused on what I should do. Anybody have any suggestions? Thanks for ur input!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • do it if you want to, don't do it if you don't want to. You are going out with a colleague, technically you don't have to... But if you feel comfortable and would like to do so, go ahead and offer and see what she says.. If she really prefers to pay for herself, then let her.. If she doesn't mind you paying after you offer, then go ahead..

    There are no such rules about these things. Just do what feels comfortable to you and see how she reacts... Unless she is extremely aagainst it or extremely towards you need to pay then decide for yourself whether you want to continue asking her out :)

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Dude, if you like her then throw a jab, pick up the tap and see what her response is.

    You don't want to read too deep into the meaning of the lunch, you want to see her reaction.

    If there is something then she will go with the polite response 'oh you don't have to' then you follow with some witty line about how she will have other opportunities like another lunch next week.

    If she shut you down with a split the bill and insist on it then you might want to back down. No point in pursuing an unlikely target.

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What Girls Said 45

  • If you want to be Kind and Generous with a Gesture with Someone Special, then Tell her when the Bill comes, "Lunch is on me."
    Of course, she will smile all the while and She may even Say, "Oh, you didn't have to do that." And if so, tell her without much Wry, "Next time you can treat."
    This may get you a Big tip with her here, dear.
    Good luck and Enjoy. xx

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    • *Of course if things do not go well when you Share the Bread, tell her "Let's split the Bill."xx

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    • I would also not say let's split the bill. If u are planning to split the bill, it will happen. It's not a date so she is not expecting u to pay for her. When u say ''lets split the bill'' u will come across as neurotic.

    • This is correct Etiquette, Asker. xx

  • while you're not obligated to pay for her stuff, it's definitely nice to offer (especially if you asked her to lunch). not only will you seem more chivalrous but, if you say "you can get the next one" and she agrees, then you've just secured a second date lol.

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  • No? Maybe for the very first date just for the sake of being symbolic and all but after that, I'd say to go dutch. Assuming both of you have similar incomes/expenses, there is no reason as to why she can't pay for herself.

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  • They certainly dont have to at all. It's just lunch after all. If he insists, then that is a kind gesture on his part.

    I do have guy friends who always insist to pay, no matter how much i argue lol... So yeah depends on the guy.

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  • I wouldn't say so.

    It's not cool always to make men pay.

    What if the guy always offers to pay? I had often told myself that since many of my boyfriends offered to pay every time, then they must actually like paying for me. They had made their choices so why shouldn’t I reap the benefits?

    But guys, like women, are also battling against social expectations of their behavior. If a guy insists on paying the bill, it might not be because he just enjoys paying.

    Maybe he has all sorts of warped ideas about money and masculinity, like that he's less of a man unless he makes X amount of money, has X kind of car, works at X kind of job, etc.

    He might be doing it because it is what is expected of them. Never questioning the ''guy always pays'' dynamic can open the door to a whole range of relationship problems, including frustration, or worse, resentment.

    It's always best to spilit up the bill, in my opinion.

    Wishing you the best of luck.

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  • They don't have too, but it is nice. When I worked in an office, a work mate paid for my lunch when we had to go out of the office for work. It was a nice gesture. I took care of his office plants while he was on holidays, picked up his dry cleaning if I was going past etc. so I think one good turn, comes back.

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  • I wouldn't say that you should. He's right I think. But it's always a nice treat and appreciated.

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  • Offer to pay if you want. I have male friends who offer to pay for meals/drinks when we go out, then I always make sure to offer the next time.

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  • If I invite someone out date or just friends I pay. If you want her to think you like her. Pay for it.

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  • Pay for your own. It's not a date

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  • I don't know. I think it's definitely polite to pay for her meal. Did you invite her out? Even if it isn't a date, that's probably the best thing to do. ( example: a pastor invited me out to get some coffee and discuss some things about the church. It obviously wasn't a date, as he's married and like, 20 years older than me, but he payed for coffee.) If it's just a casual get-together though, I wouldn't worry about paying.

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  • You are not expected to, but if you want to hint to her that you like her, you're welcome to.

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  • That's nice of you. I mean if you want to go by all means. But if you invite her for lunch again don't keep paying for her. A one off thing isn't bad 😌

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  • Well, you like her so it's a good chance to drop some hints that you're interested. Your friend is right, but you don't just see her as a co worker. You see her as a potential girlfriend.
    I would offer to pay, and if she declines, ask if she's sure but don't push it.

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  • You should pay just to be a gentleman but you aren't dating, so it's not like you have to. I've never gone out to eat with a guy who didn't pay for me, even if we were just friends, and I didn't expect them to pay, they just did it.

    I don't think she's expecting you to pay though, so if you don't, you should be fine.

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  • I believe if it's not a relationship, she should pay for her own. She shouldn't just assume you'll pay because you're being a "gentleman" or whatever. I know some girls might assume that the guy will pay just because he's the guy, but they shouldn't. Although, it is always polite and nice to offer to pay just because.

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    • She probably doesn't assume that at all. Most don't. Well, maybe you.

  • then dont

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  • You like her so it will be a good move. If she feels like you pay extra attention to her she will probably pick it up.
    This is how you are raised anyways so it's natural to you. It will be nice.

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  • Well it depends on how you phrased the question. If you asked to take her out for lunch then yeah maybe but if you just asked if she wanted to have lunch with you then I don't think you should be expected to pay. If it's something you want to do then go ahead and offer it but it shouldn't be something expected on her part.

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  • A girl should pay for herself if it's not a date. And if it's a date, whoever planned the date and invited the other should pay. Or go Dutch, that's fine too. I took a guy to the movies and paid for it all because I planned it and I insisted. He was hesitant to let me pay though

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  • Are you friends? Sometimes i pay for my friends sometimes they pay for me whether male or female. You dont have to pay for them if you dont want to.

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  • Just spilt the bill. When I go out with my co-workers we always split the bill. It's not a date.

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  • You shouldn't have to pay. At most offer to be polite, but she's your equal so each can pay their own.

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  • If you want to make a good impression treat her.
    You are not obliged, but it is a nice gesture. She will think highly of you. I know I would. Don't listen to your friend, he has zero clue about how women think. Does this girl like you?

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    • I'm blocked by the person who said that u should say "next time on you". Here my reply: the point of making an impression is to show that u are an open, generous person. If the girl has common decency she will treat u too other times. No need to remind her that. The person who wrote it is not very sophisticated and has no clue about social etiquette.

  • No, unless he wants to be nice, but if it's not a date, she could pay for herself, it's just lunch, if you pay she might get the wrong idea.

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  • It's not a date so you both pay for your own lunch.

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  • I always say men should pay, but if she's uncomfortable she'll pay for herself.

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  • Pay for her. I'm sure she will appreciate the gesture.

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  • It's a nice gesture. You can if you want, but it's not expected.

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  • if you wanna make a good impression.

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What Guys Said 35

  • Of course not. Even less if it's a date.
    So if you go out to lunch with 5 female friends, are you supposed to pay for all of them?
    Fuck that.

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  • Why should you pay for a woman's food, just because you are near her while she is eating it? You might as well pay for the women at the next table over while you are at it if that is your standard.

    It isn't a date, and you have no relationship with her, therefore she doesn't fall under your umbrella of protection even by more traditional standards. Your paying for her, when it isn't even a date, would just come across as desperate at best.

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  • Ofc not. I go to lunch with coworkers all the time, if the company isn't paying everyone pays for themselves. Its not a date lol

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  • Well... I have personally always paid (or at least offered to pay) whenever I have dined with women, irrespective of whether I liked them or not, because I just feel it's the gentlemanly thing to do.

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  • no you don't need to pay for lunch and you may send a weird message if you do attempt to pay for it

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  • I am usually one paying when I go out with my bros lol And i really can't give a fuck who is paying as long as one of dude or chick I am hanging out with have money to pay lol

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  • Do you want to? Then go ahead. If you don't, then don't. It's that simple. ^.^

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  • No. F that bs. I hate how women want to be pampered by men just because they have a vagina. If you wanna go out to eat, we'll split the bill. That's it.

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  • Fuck. No.

    If she has not formally accepted our outing as a date, as far as I know we are friends. She needs to pay for her own stuff.

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  • Do you ever treat your male friends to lunch? Same thing really.

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  • It happened, yes.

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  • No, She can pay for her own shit. She's equal and empowered and all that. She's got a job for a reason.

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  • so every time i find myself with a girl at a table and food is ordered i should just pay for her? this makes no sense whatsoever. i dont see whats wrong with people paying for their own food.

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  • they shouldn´t pay even if it´s a date. women have equal rights and equal chances to earn money. why should they get freebees?

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  • You should watch this
    www.facebook.com/.../?pnref=story

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  • You buy them lunch as a treat, they should probably pay for you next time.

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  • Are you doing this on your free time?

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  • The person who invited should pay or you go Dutch.

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  • You pay for what you buy. The end.

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  • You don't owe her anything. If she expects you to pay just say no.

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  • Personally I believe you should do what you want. If you want to pay, offer and insist.

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  • At the very least you should kindly offer to pay

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  • Be nice and pay for one thing and let her pay for the rest. Like u would do with ur friend.

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    • Only if u invited her out if not then no. If shs say let's go to BOA or something then only pay for ur stuff u less she offers then order some expensive stuff lol

  • Offer and if she says no dont fight it just let her pay

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  • Not for mutual meals between friends... only on dates.

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  • I understand your delimma.
    You can offer to pay for her meal, but if she declines, than dont.

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  • I think she should pay for herself.

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  • No, if it's not a date let her pay her own meal. If it's a date make it 50/50.

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  • Not if they're broke.

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  • it depends of the girl and the boy!

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