Guys opinions wanted - Difference between needing space and losing interest?

Hi, so I've read a few things about men 'pulling away' from a woman every now and then as they need their space. I was just wondering a couple of things, would be interested in hearing from guys, but girls feel free to answer too.

1. How can you tell if he just needs a bit of space, or is losing interest?

2. How long should the girl wait before giving up?

3. Should you text him once, or leave him alone completely?

4. What if he comes back after a few weeks, and you've given up and moved on?

Updates:
Thanks. I should have probably clarified that I am asking about the very beginning of seeing each other, say a couple of weeks to a month. And the guys have not asked for space, just stopped contacting me. It's happened to me a few times.

Usually I wait about 2 weeks before completely giving up and moving on, but sometimes the guy has come back after that, and then I feel conflicted.

I don't usually text, but I did it once, just a casual offer of drinks, but I felt like I was hassling him.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You should drop the hint about going out once. If he doesn't set a date. No contact for a week. Then try one more time. If he doesn't set a date. No contact period. If he contacts you after you have tried twice, you are a back up plan and he will only be using you. There are so many incredible guys out there. A man needs to feel you have options otherwise he will take you for granted and use you. That's all you need to know about men. The reason women think guys only want S@x is because they hang on to a guy who doesn't like them. Find the guy who worships you. That's the guy you want. Those people are rare and keepers. You'll figure that out one day.

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    • Thanks, sounds like good advice but I just couldn't contact him twice. Once maybe. But I hate doing it, it makes me feel crappy.

      I like your answer, I do already know that, it's just that I've been wondering recently if I've been too harsh in the past by dropping guys who lost contact.

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    • Really? I'm surprised to hear that, you would think that the advice would meet in the middle somewhere.

      Thanks, your advice is helpful and sort of comforting!

    • Ok so I was brave and just messaged him asking if he wants to meet up again. I was thinking if he likes me, he'll be glad I asked. If he doesn't, it wouldn't have mattered what I said. Thanks for the advice, I'm nervous now!

What Guys Said 16

  • "1. How can you tell if he just needs a bit of space, or is losing interest?"

    I must admit that it's kind of a blur for me. I'm fortunate in that I have to take overseas business trips every few months away from my wife. Generally there comes a point where I start to take her for granted, get bored with her if I'm really blatant. I just know exactly how she thinks and how she behaves. I can put myself in her shoes and know exactly what she'll do in all kinds of situations and predict what she's going to do with, say, 95% accuracy.

    That said, the moment I'm on the airplane overseas, I'm missing her already. I miss even the things I find annoying about her. When I come home, I'm overjoyed to see her, and for a brief moment it's as passionate as when we started dating. It's my ritual for reinvigorating our relationship. I'm not sure our marriage could have lasted without it.

    "2. How long should the girl wait before giving up?" I'd say several weeks of no contact.

    "3. Should you text him once, or leave him alone completely?"

    One text is not bad, on a daily basis without any replies from him, it starts to feel clingy. Especially in my case when I'm overseas, it's crunch time preparing presentations for lectures, business meetings, working day and night.

    "4. What if he comes back after a few weeks, and you've given up and moved on?"

    That's a pretty short amount of time to move on. One time I lost a girl and was brokenhearted for years. If you can move on that quickly, maybe you're not so into him.

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    • I'm going to disagree with about 50% of what ak666 stated. Of course I'm on the high side of age and experience so factor that reality into my opinion. Under your scenario I'd say that the man has lost interest. This isn't hard to accept once I see you are referring to a new person in your life and only after 2-4 weeks of dating. ANY Man that has found someone in this world that literally rocks his boat will keep that boat afloat for as long as he can. I would NOT give him more than a week. After all, look at what God did with the world in 7 Days... Just Saying.

      IF he comes back after you have moved on I'd say he was out Tom Catting and simply 'wanted' you for something you gave him that made him feel good. He was taking care of his needs elsewhere. Simple...

      Life is to short and I sure as hell would never give him more than 7 days with NO Contact in the high tech world we live in today. Seriously? I've been able to send a SMS from my my Deer Stand at 0330hrs.

    • @SJPI1954 Thanks, that is what I wanted to know. I do usually set a week as the limit so I'm glad you said that too.

      You are wrong about one thing though - it is hard to accept. I do actually get upset by these situations. If I really like someone, and they've been pursuing me for a while, say 2-4 weeks including dates and frequent messages, then I do get attached to them, especially if they seem to be serious about me. I try not to get my hopes up whilst dating someone new, but if they are mushy with me then I do think that they actually like me. Mostly because I wouldn't do that unless I was serious.

      Thanks for your opinion, it is really helpful.

  • 1. Typically we are truthful about this. If we say we need space thats usually just it, especially after a stressful time. Any recent stressors in his life?

    2. If he doesn't specify, give him a week or two, before breaking contact. I wouldn't give up right away. When you do contact him, you need to make it a reminder of why he loves you and needs you. Don't be mad and annoyed "we need to talk" etc. Try something like:

    Get into your favorite kinky outfit, text him as a pic, say something like "I have been thinking about you, I hope your feeling better. Would you like to come over tonight/tomorrow? I'll make (whatever his favorite food is).

    If he is still into you good chance he will agree. When he gets over just be happy to see him. No pressure, no annoyance, just remind him of why he fell for you in the first place.

    3. If he keeps declining its a good bet he is loosing interest. You can keep trying to rekindle the romance, but if you are thinking of leaving you need to tell him.

    4. As I said, you need to always tell him before you leave or move on!

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    • Thanks. Does this apply in the early stages? Around 2-4 weeks?

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    • @asker yes from your update it does sound like he lost interest and/or he is seeing other women.

    • I'm talking beginning stages

  • It can be tough... I am a guy who needs lots of alone time/ space. I work with people all day long and am still doing school on the side, so often when I get a free moment, it can be tough for me to want to spend time with someone else when I'd rather just do exactly what I want, when I want, where I want. I am also not much of a texter... unless it is too make plans to meet up, or just some casual how was your day, I would prefer not to text more than a dozen or so times a day. Especially if I am having me time, like a reading a book or playing a game, I would def ask for space if a girl wanted me to text through that.

    I can also see how that can seem pretty unromantic and cold. I can be very romantic and loving believe it or not. I just need someone who understands I am highly independent and am not up for much dependency in a relationship (I like independent women as well).

    Signs I would give to let a girl know I don't want to loose her/ stop seeing her would include making time weekly, always responding to a text within 12 hours and genuinely wanting to see her. If I felt she was pulling away, I may try to come towards her more to compramise as well.

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  • Men are generally much less social than women are , much like ccp 16's answer , I deal with people ( & am not that fond of people in general !! ) , plus I'm a single dad , so I grab alone time & treasure it !! Hence I don't date , no time & simply do not have the inclination , plus from a woman's POV , no woman wants a 45yr old single dad ! You have a big advantage over a man , women are in demand , men are not ( Bateman's Principle ). However many men are on their guard due to previous bad experience , so this could be another factor.

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  • 1. needing space is temporary loss of interest.

    2. until she's bored, until she feels like it or until a better option comes along.

    3. leave him alone completely. Give him the gift of missing you.

    4. GOOD! This means you're living life right!

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  • You know each person is different. Some are more direct and really just need some space. Others are cowardly and don't say what they mean. Sorry this may not help much but it pretty much depends on the guy. As far as coming back? That puts the ball in your court. When and if he comes back, it's your choice to keep him or not. Just depends on the person.

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  • It's a fine line. The best you can do is use your intuition. If that bastard is alienating you, making you fell uncertain & insecure - fuck 'em..

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    • Sorry for being so blunt. Look at your age (and mine for that matter) do we need the drama?
      Hell no!

  • I never understood that space thing
    My woman is too jealous to the suffocating point
    And whenever that suffocation decreseas, I miss it

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  • Needing space = you're fucked

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  • Both same for me lol

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  • needing space = nice way to say losing interest

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  • I don't believe in that distinction

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  • I really don't know the answers to these questions. But this is what drives me nuts the most about dating. I ask all the same questions when dating women. I see your older... I would think people would be more up front about their intentions at your age but I guess that's not the case.

    There's also a 3rd possibility. He could be playing hard to get and trying to make you chase. Whether people still do that at your age or not, I don't know. Generally, I would think if someone wasn't interested then they wouldn't contact you again unless you initiate. And even if you intiate, they may even ignore you. Needing space... well you could take the "I need space and I'm sick of intiating conversation" card and they'll still come back a couple weeks tops.

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    • Thanks. Nope, men still play games at this age.

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    • No, well I don't anyway. Generally speaking I think women are still nicer to men than men are to women, at any age.

    • I've found opposite at least when I was younger. It depends.

  • Some men have trouble with intimacy (including myself) because it means a girl starts to see our quirks/insecurities. I see my current girlfriend about twice a week. We are not the serious but we are not just "hooking up" either. I really like it that way. It gives me time to focus on myself (and for her to focus on herself). Builds up anticipation for when we do meet.

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  • go by what you feel and dont think too much

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  • You have to ask him, get in his head, if he needs space he'll let you know. Send him a messag, let him know you're thinking about him. Well it's your loss if you move on. Not like you're going to find a new guy in a split second

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    • lol nah. A guy I had been seeing for 6 weeks or so pulled back and didn't text me for a week, didn't see me for 2. I tried reaching out. He said he has just been so busy and thinking a lot blah blah f*cking blah. Met a new guy within days after moving on and I am so glad I did. You shouldn't have to be hung up over a guy who is treating you as something he can pick up whenever he wants then cast away as he chooses.

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