The 'spark' is an excuse right?

Personally, I think it's a convenient way to get around really explaining your emotions or reasoning. Thoughts?

Girls, you know exactly why you rejected that guy right?

  • Yes
    41% (12)50% (5)44% (17)Vote
  • No
    59% (17)50% (5)56% (22)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
Well GaG thanks for the awesome advice! I'll just be trolling along now...

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think it's a combination of both. Maybe they are off putting, or you want too different things, and the spark isn't there. It's just a feeling you get. You're sitting with someone, and you're not happy talking to them, you aren't connecting, you just are not feeling it. The reason the spark isn't there is because of those things. You're too different, they are off putting, they hate everything you like, they seem completely uninterested in listening to what you have to say. So you feel... empty towards them, there's nothing there.

    When you meet someone who just instantly makes you smile, the way they talk makes your heart beat faster, the way they walk, the way they listen, the way they care. That's the spark. The spark is not just a saying, or an excuse, the spark, is that feeling you get when everything falls into place. That feeling when everything you didn't feel with other people, everything the other people did that annoyed you is just gone, and this person, this one person, is everything you want and more than you even knew you needed. You just feel the spark, you just, know you want to be with them.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • "Spark" is very much a real thing. Spark is that intangible attraction you have for someone that is all feeling.

    Are you telling me that you ONLY use logic to make yourself attracted to a gal, with absolutely zero feeling?

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    • *sigh* No that is not what I'm saying. I do not sit there calculating whether or not I like a girl. HOWEVER, I am capable of working backwards to determine what the basis of that supposedly 'intangible' attraction is. There are patterns in the girls I've been attracted to that are consistent even to outside observers. There are also patterns consistent in men and women that are deemed attractive in the general sense.

      I do not have zero feeling and the feelings do come first, but they have an underlying logical basis which can provide me useful information about how I can improve my life. Especially if women are capable of coherently explaining those feelings at that level.

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    • Do you really want women to say to your face, "you come off like a scared pansy and there's no way that i'll fuck you?"

      The lack of spark is NOT an excuse, spark is a real thing. Most gals are doing you a favor and saving your ego by not saying why the spark isn't there.

    • Honestly, yes. I've received much harsher criticism in the past in situations that were not relationship-based and in general they helped me greatly. Rather than spin my wheels for years in failure, I was shocked at first with the proposition but slowly came to terms with it and fixed it.

      I get it. Women don't owe me anything. But they're certainly not doing me any favors, and as for my ego, enough rejection will destroy it just fine anyway. In any case, this is more of a personal discussion than anything. All I was asking was whether women or men for that matter, can determine the reasons why they weren't attracted to someone. How that affects the way I obtain feedback from them is not relevant to this question.

What Girls Said 13

  • the spark encompasses many things: physical attraction, chemistry (emotional and sexual), compatibility, etc.

    if, after a date, i tell you that there's no spark, it usually means that we weren't compatible. for example:

    1) if you're looking for traditional wife material, that's not me.

    2) if you can't make me laugh, or are a terrible hugger, it will never work.

    3) i'm a writer and avid reader~ if you don't like books, aren't well-read, or if i don't feel that you're someone i can share my passions and big ideas with, then you're not getting a second date.

    that's basically it. physical attraction is only one (very subjective) piece of the puzzle.

    -von

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  • it's real, sometimes a guy is perfect except he can't turn u on

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    • I will never understand what you just said.

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    • This guy needs to stop being so damn smart brain-wise and and start raising his emotional intelligence. Spark is all about primal attraction, not tangible traits on paper or variables in a formula to computer. Like how @Chintita said here about Guy A vs Guy B.

      Attracting women is way more about emotional intelligence than it is about tangible traits. I think this is the secret sauce that you are missing.

    • @Prof_Don That's all fine and dandy Prof, but the thing is that I could have found this advice anywhere. Do you think you guys are the first to tell me that I don't understand 'primal attraction'? I understand MY primal attraction to other people, however, how to evoke those emotions in others is not a skill that can be gained from pretty basic observations like the ones made in this discussion. And even in that case, as I said before, this isn't extremely relevant to this question. What I want to know, is whether spark really is inexplicable to most people, because it is very easy for me to describe my experience of it.

  • If there's no spark it means there's no emotions. Its not an excuse unless it's a lie.

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  • No its not.

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  • Not at all. If I don't feel a spark with someone, then I basically don't feel that amazing attraction for him. And that's really important to me.

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  • The "spark" is very important, it keeps me attached and makes me want more, I'd keep thinking about that spark we had. I've actually had this happen, I met a guy at a festival and we had so much connection like it was crazy we connected, we clicked and I couldn't stop thinking about him, just the way we'd even look at eachother I mean I barely knew him and there was a spark!

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  • I voted yes when I meant to hit no. The other girls pretty much explained what "spark" meant so.

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  • Saying there wasn't a spark is like saying there wasn't a click. For some reason, the two people didn't sync. It isn't an excuse.

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    • Let's clarify something here. Saying that people didn't 'click' is no clearer than saying that there was no spark. If anything the terms are interchangeable. Friends 'click', are you meaning to say that there is a 'spark' between friends.

      The question is pretty simple. Spark = Attraction and if there is no attraction, I would expect girls to understand their reasoning behind it, instead of classifying it under the horribly vague excuse of 'lacking spark.'

    • It's not just attraction. It's about a lot of little things, like how they act together, how they talk to each other, how they connect. Yeah, I would say there is a spark or a click between friends. Just because it isn't easy to explain doesn't make it an excuse.

  • A lack of chemistry, generally, in my opinion, is due to a lack of physical attraction.

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  • I believe it's an actual thing which I just haven't experienced yet.

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  • If I feel confident around you when I first met you there is no chemistry.
    I get shy if I'm around a guy I like. Then I wait for the spark to happen

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  • I think the 'spark' refers to either initial 'hitting it off' with someone and likeing everything your getting right there right then in that second (looks/ what's presented of their personality) or a romantic one built over time like the friends that always wanted to be more and everyone can it

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  • No, it's the truth. I have been on so many dates with men who were kind, funny, charming, good looking etc. and I just didn't fancy them.

    It's annoying to us too, we often wish that we did fancy you, because you seem like you'd make a great boyfriend!

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    • so why if the guy was kind, funny charming, good looking etc and you did not fancy them So what did you need then to fancy the guy who seems to have good quaiities? I mean how can we please the guy in order to fancy them and plizz do not involve the sex topic here.

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    • @kitty71 I really want to believe that it isn't luck, but I am literally surrounded as I write this right now with self-help books. Any problem I've had, I've dealt with it, or am dealing with it. I've been to therapy. I'm running out of hours in the day to do stuff, but still nothing. At this point, even the opinions of strangers I don't know are better than nothing. But obviously, their answers can't be very comprehensive. It's pretty frustrating... I don't know what to do

    • @kitty71 Sorry missed your last question. I don't know, it scares me sometimes, but I try not to think about it.

What Guys Said 6

  • Yes, and almost always the reason is that the girl thinks in SOME way, he isn't good enough for her (usually she doesn't think physically he is attractive enough).

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    • Eh, I disagree. I actually really liked a guy and wanted to start something with him but then all of a sudden I just... realized I wasn't attracted to him anymore. Couldn't tell you why, couldn't tell myself why. I was baffled.

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    • I don't really... go for physical attraction that much. Yeah, I know that sounds cheap but there are some personality-oriented girls out there. :)

    • @I3uglove

      I am a personality person myself, and I have often fallen for girls after I got to know their personality, even though I didn't initially find them physically attractive. But with girls... I dunno, it seems like they care much more about a guy's looks than they are willing to admit.

  • It's difficult to express emotions with words, so "the spark" is the best way to convey certain feelings and emotions.

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    • Well for me it's not that hard. For instance:

      Hey (girl's name), the whole date you have not made eye contact with me once and you can't talk about anything other than the patriarchy. Therefore, I find you much less attractive and more annoying to be around.

      See it's pretty easy.

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    • @Prof_Don My emotional idiocy aside, there are researchers/academics that would disagree with you that there isn't logic behind mating behavior.

      In any case, I think I made the mistake of making this question overly personal and avoiding the subject that I was trying to get at. I think you've made your point. I'm an emotional idiot, despite being very successful at other things. The classic stereotype. Arrogant, logical, decisive, ruthless, etc. I'll absorb the idea as quickly as my emotionally degenerate brain can do so.

  • Hell yeah its an excuse when they say it fads away. Relationships take hard work ladies and gents. People are too lazy nowadays. Its the culture we live in.

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  • No the spark is vital
    It's the feeling you can't describe
    You just know it's the most perfect feeling you've ever felt

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  • @chintita is "chemistry" synonymous with "spark"?

    I like to think it refers to the actual chemical reactions going on when two people are in each others bubbles.

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    • sure, but give up on this guy he's alrdy given up

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    • r u getting paid for every reply we make? didn't think so

      equivalent to saying "at least i made u mad" after losing an argument.

    • @chintita Of course I'm not getting paid. But every time someone comments, the post goes higher in the feed, which leads to more responses. And you're giving me honest criticism about my personality that would be hard to get otherwise.

  • No, relationships should involve emotiosn on both sides, if there are none then why be in one

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    • That is very true waffles. But are you capable of determining what caused the emotions (or the lack thereof)? That is the real basis of this question.

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