Why do all of my dates I meet online go poorly?

i'm a mid-20s (26-28) guy back in school, but I'm studying a STEM discipline, getting good grades, and I'm in good physical shape. My main defect is that I'm 5'1'' (yes five foot one inch, precisely).

Yes on my dating profiles, I add a few inches like everyone else, and girls should be expected to know that, right?

Why has every date I've gone on in the last 11 months not gone anywhere? The only girl i was able to get to hang out more than once (12 months ago) was a super boring person whose online profile pictures lacked other people in it; my profile pictures have other people in them. I was a fratty brosef in college; so given all this, what don't I have? Why am I never good enough?

Is my problem relying on Match and Tinder too much? Its true I don't have many friends at my school, but I'm new (6 months) where I'm going to school and living; I'm a guy - guys don't force friendships like girls do so as to avoid going out alone. When am I going to get my romantic/sexual keep? I'm nice, open, and friendly to everyone I meet; I work my azz off to be in physical shape, and its not like I go out with slender girls, to be euphemistic. I want something in return.


0|0
18|18

Most Helpful Guy

  • Becuase women are material and can only see things like status and material stuff. Plus most women are not "women" anymore. Honestly use them for sex and move on with your life

    0|1
    0|0

What Girls Said 18

  • No one lies about their height, If anything it's their age or weight.
    Your dates don't go anywhere cuz girls find out you're an insecure liar and that's not attractive.
    And delete the frat pics. That will not attract anyone. If you're 26-28 years old and still have college pics up, that's concerning.

    7|1
    0|0
  • I actually haven't known anyone to lie about their height on dating profiles. I know that it must be really hard to be short and have women judge you by that at force, but perhaps it is about the internet. On the internet, everyone has so many "options" for dates. Yes, dating is partially about options (because you can't just pick someone and say "I'm going to marry you" on the first date) but online dating can lead to superficiality. I know because I've tried it and while it was fun for a while, I realized nothing was going anywhere either, and a lot of the guys were flakey. People I met in person were much better (even just out at an event, because when you talk to someone in person, that's when they get hooked). Also agree with the person who said you can't expect to be owed something. To say "when am I going to get my romantic/sexual keep" is indicative of needing to change your attitude on dating. I mean that kindly; but if you're looking for a relationship, you need to be selfless, and so does she. It's not about dating a trophy and saying "look at what I got," it's about finding someone you're genuinely interested in, and vice versa, who you want to be selfless for and they want to be selfless for you.

    1|1
    0|0
    • Every man under 6'2 lies about his height on dating sites. That's common knowledge.

    • @TheSpartan But why would you do that? It doesn't make any sense because if you meet, the other person will know that you lied... not a great way to start anything.

    • Well, women value height, so they're probably lying so that they'll be more attractive to women.

  • First of all you cannot expect someone would lie about the height and you are making people think you are a lier at the first place and whatever you say later on is being suspicious. Lying on height is funny coz its something want change and everyone would tell you lied as in physical features. Yes a lot of people lie on online dating app, but not height coz they will know once they meet you in person. Smart liar would lie about their income, what kind of work they have, random love history etc. Because all those are not written on your face. So I guess no one would be that stupid to expect someone would lie about their height. Plus, a few inches is a lot. 5'1 and 5'5 makes a huge different. Not saying being 5'1 is super short but definitely below average. But hey people have different preference but Im sure no one likes lier and people who lack of confident. My sister is 5'2 and her boyfriend is 5'1. Not a problem at all. Good luck on this and things would work out if you open up yourself. Best wishes.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Well for starters you're lying about your height which you get found out on as soon as people see you, so don't lie, it's dumb. Group pictures make it difficult to see which person you are but also you're probably showing yourself as a frat boy and that can be off putting. And you're expecting something - like you're owed it. You're not owed anything and the sooner you realise that the better your attitude will be.

    3|0
    0|0
    • He doesn't sound like he thinks he's "owed" anything.

    • Show All
    • Lol whatever, honey.

      Tell me this, then: what's his problem? What is he doing wrong? Really, I'm curious 😆

    • @TheSpartan For starters, sweetie, you're a short arse nobody wants to date - that's your problem. Secondly, I've expained myself. The world doesn't owe you shit just because you have a penis. Now get your high heeled boots on and walk away.

  • Don't lie about your height for starters. Most guys do, and we don't like that at all. At least if you're honest up front, it'll save you from meeting up with girls who will judge you simply because of your height. Not all women care about that, but at least you won't waste time on the ones who do.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Just cause some guys add a few inches to their height on dating profiles doesn't mean women should be expected to know that -_-

    1|0
    0|0
  • I wouldno lie about my height... the second theyeet you its exposed and a turn off only because you lied

    2|1
    0|0
  • Don't lie about u our height in your profile dude...

    1|0
    0|0
  • Don't lie, be honest. Don't go with the crowd. If they're lying it's there problem, don't do the same.

    0|0
    0|0
  • online dating is the problem... try offline dating

    0|0
    0|0
    • I do. The nice thing about online dating is that when you try to talk to a girl, you can be reasonable sure she's not going to give you a raft of shit for it. On a dating site you know she's there to meet people. Offline, oftentimes women seem to have an attitude of "why are you taking to me? I'm just here for ________. I don't want any guys hitting on me.

    • Show All
    • @Sixgun77

      what i am telling you is that not every one who has an online dating account are there to date
      i had no idea about dating sites til one of my friends made me an account on my cell then i got some message... its always better to do the whole dating in person at least you know for sure if the person does want a relationship and how serious they are about it

    • People who don't want to meet people to date have no business being on a dating site, that's just as dishonest as the guy who lies about his height in his profile.

      And I do try to meet people offline, but it's usually a very unpleasant experience. I'm at the point now where I don't know what hurts worse, being alone or attempting to meet women. Both on and offline are both pretty shitty experiences.

  • Because...-.- dammit how should I know lolll

    0|0
    0|0
  • The only common denominator here is you. Maybe you're just picking terrible people.

    0|0
    0|0
    • The only common denominator is his height.

    • Show All
    • Yes, he wants something in return from life for all the hard work he's putting into getting a relationship.

    • @TheSpartan nah. He's just a horny former serial rapist with no game.

  • how much more inches do you add?

    0|0
    0|0
  • You lied and you're Short

    0|0
    0|0
  • What's wrong with not having other people in your dating profile pictures? I've never had pictures of me with other people. I don't know why that would be such a big deal? I have friends, but I don't feel like it's very respectful to just plaster pictures of them on a dating site with me.

    I think part of the problem is you are lying about your height. Whenever someone lies about anything online, it already starts the relationship off in a bad place. Be truthful about who you are and people will respect you for it.

    Also it sounds as if you think you need to be rewarded for being online. I'm not really sure what you mean. But if you think meeting up with a girl once means she owes you sex, that is also problematic.

    There's nothing wrong with hooking up, but perhaps they just want to get to know you better before they have sex with you? If you are in school that might be a better place to meet available people. Online can be sketchy. I am a self-professed online dating veteran. The online dating game has changed dramatically over the years. Especially since Tinder has hit the scene.

    Things move very quickly now. People are very flakey. The best thing you can do is try to meet people in multiple ways. Both in real life and online. It also may help to ask some friends to set you up as well.

    I think you have a good advantage to meeting women as you are in school. Try going to some events to meet people as well.

    1|0
    0|0
  • You're a liar. And I'd ignore people who have group photos as their profile pics on a dating site. You have friends, good for you but I am not interested in them so they shouldn't even be there...
    Good luck finding someone.

    1|0
    0|0
  • 1. No adding inches, even if it's just a couple. It is not something we know or expect. We expect honesty. Repeat: WE DO NOT EXPECT A HEIGHT LIE BECAUSE THATS NOT A THING. We will notice and we will not appreciate it - not because your short, but because it's not a good start if the guy you just met has started off with a lie (I don't care if you want to call it a fib or if everyone does it. It's a lie to us girls). It's especially tragic if the girl's height falls in between your claimed height verses real height. This happened to my friend and she was not happy - not about the height - but that the guy was dishonest. Starting off with dishonesty is generally not a good idea.

    2. Group pictures - Great, you have friends. But if I can't figure out who you are in the group, it's an auto left swipe. If you have a close up solo picture as your first one, I will take the time to go to the next picture. But if the rest all all group pictures where your face is small enough to be made up of like 5 pixels, that's again an auto left swipe. Use pictures that showcase you. It is a profile for *you* after all. PS not having group pictures don't make us psychos. It simply means that (1) I want you to focus on me and (2) I feel weird about showing my friends" faces on an app without them knowing.

    3. App choice - bruh, Tnder = hook ups just like Grindr is undeniably a gay hook up app. I have never met or heard of anyone using Tinder to find long lasting love. I don't know about those website stuff but try Coffee meets bagel - Quality of matches, people, and expectations on there are WAY better than Tinder. Also there's a spot for height.. please put your real height. You can adjust your match criteria to include girls 5'1" and below. Likewise, girls can do that too so if they put in 5'1" and they match with you, you're set. There's also Bumble, Hinge... you'd have more luck on there than Tinder.

    4. Meeting new people is hard, but you have got to put yourself out there. Invite a bunch of guys out to get beer and watch soccer or something. People bonded over booze very well at my school lol. Try to get involved in your interests - group runs, yoga, cooking class, whatever. If you meet someone there you know you have at least one thing in common. Even if a girl has no romantic interest be friendly, she will have lots of single girl friends >.>

    Most importantly, be confident, genuine, and friendly with everyone you meet. Connections can get you to some crazy spots...

    1|1
    0|0
    • Every man lies about his height on dating sites. Are you slow?

    • Show All
    • @TheSpartan if by fact of life you mean a delusion to validate your actions, sure.

  • You should try dating sites for short people... Just saying.

    1|1
    0|0

What Guys Said 17

  • "Yes on my dating profiles, I add a few inches like everyone else, and girls should be expected to know that, right?" = 'Yes, I am a liar and they should expect me to be a liar, so what's the big deal?'

    How do you feel when a girl shows up for a first meeting and you realize her pictures were taken about 50 pounds ago?

    3|2
    0|0
    • Height is not controllable; weight is. The comparison is a culturally Marxist lie; height reflects nothing, weight reflects self respect, taking care of ones body, etc.

    • Show All
    • "Why has every date I've gone on in the last 11 months not gone anywhere?: Obviously, I am not the only one who believes this way about telling lies. Do you want to do something about the problem or just keep acting defensive? Come on dude!

    • He's a lawyer. This is what he does for a living - prove people are lying.

  • Lying about your stats isn't good. I had one date with a girl who was 250lbs, and had cunningly concealed it with careful photography and selected "A few pounds more" as her body type. However nice she was, realising I'd been lied to before we'd even met soured me to her.

    You complained the one person who seemed to like you at all was too boring. What qualities do you have that would make someone want to spend time with you? Are you fun and interesting to be around?

    As for Tinder, while it can sometimes be used for dating, you aren't likely to to find your 'romantic/sexual keep' on it. It can happen, but it's unlikely, Tinder is more for short term fun. I would be more inclined to say you should put yourself on POF and OKC, because they're free and so the huge barrier of having to pay is removed, making people more likely to try it out. I especially like OKC for the questions and quizzes, which let you express yourself and gives people who view you a better insight into your personality.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Nope, no one lies about their height...

    I go on tinder dates once a month, maybe 2 here and there. I would say about half go on to a second date, Only ever been on more than three with a girl on tinder and we ended up dating for a year lol

    I don't know what to say except I put zero pressure on the date, I don't even call it a date. I just ask to meet for drinks (their choice so they feel comfortable, or I'll pick if they can't decide). And if we can talk for half an hour or so and I like her, I'll ask her to dinner at a place I look up near by ahead of time. generally works out well, only twice did I cut the date short, both times because they were boring as heck, nothing to do with looks. (in fact almost every girl looks way better in person than on their account lol)

    I don't know what to say, I am certainly not in shape, but not obese by any means. I also never ask out the girls who look like models, I like the real looking ones.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You have several problems.

    Tinder is for hookups. It is all about looks. Don't waste your time.
    You have a lot of competition on Match. Don't waste your time here either, it is possible, but unlikely.

    As a male your height, you are screwed. College age American women put "tall" as their #1 or #2 most desirable feature in a guy. (although when it comes down to it, rich beats tall).

    Here is advice you can use: Stop looking for women you find attractive. Figure out what kind of woman would want a guy like you. Then, figure out where to find that kind of woman.

    What is HER height? Probably less than 5'0". Even short women want men of at least average height, so you may need to get down to 4'10" or less, someone so short the average guy wouldn't want her.

    Where would you find such a woman? It isn't the Netherlands. Here is a list of female height by country. It isn't by age, as seniors are significantly shorter than 20 year olds. Find websites that specialize in women from the countries on the short list, and you should be able to find someone.
    www.averageheight.co/.../

    0|0
    0|0
    • i'd rather die than have an Asian chick with zero personality.

    • Show All
    • You obviously haven't known many Asian women. All they say about Asian women being submissive, well, it isn't true. You will have bigger problem of Asian women who won't go out with someone as short as you are. But when you get to those under 5' tall, they tend to relax their standards.

      Besides, you have plenty to choose from. See if there is a website that specializes in pygmy women, or native South Americans.

    • You're right. I know nothing about Asian women. They don't do it for me, but my friend married a short little girl and he's got kids now so...

  • OK, I'll be a dick here and sidetrack based on a tiny snippet that has little or nothing to do with your question: Why the fuck would you (or anyone) have other people in your personal ad photos? I think it is a major turn-off when I see a profile where it is difficult to tell just who the ad is for. "Oh, look, I have friends". How insecure does someone have to be to hide amongst bro's ( or ho's)? What makes you (and other people) think their friends want to be in someone's personal ad?

    2|2
    0|0
    • because people do think those without friends tend to have mental problems.

    • Agreed. I want to see a picture of the girl I'm going out with. Not her brother or her friends.

    • Agree here too, all my photos are just of me and as my post said, I don't seem to have any issues with it...

      When I see the first pic from a girl has like 4-5 girls in it, I pass because I can almost guarantee you she is not the most attractive one... this is something people do to look hot by association, I could care less if you are social or have friends on a dating/hook up app lol

  • I think it is because the only girl who was kinda compatible you deemed boring, lol.

    4|0
    0|0
    • she was extremely boring. We had no common interests, no common experiences, and we hung out at least 3 times. Evertime I hung out with her, I was dying for it to end.

    • Well, that sucks

  • I say it's karma for lying about your height on your profiles

    4|0
    0|0
  • The problem is that you start off the interaction with a lie.

    Don't lie about your height - make a joke of it.

    Seriously, take off the height detail on your profile (women will filter for that), but write down in your description that you are short - not quite a midget, but close. Make a joke about how being the imp/Tyrion is fashionable these days, or something. And just roll with it.

    That way, when the girls see you, they won't be thinking how you lied and deceived them, they'd be thinking about how you have a sense of humor and can laugh at yourself.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You have three choices:

    1. Get leg lengthening. Try boosting your way up to 5'5 or 5'6. At your height, trying to date is going to be like playing Dark Souls on hard mode. Women are generally pieces of shit when it comes to height. Getting taller will make things wickedly easier.

    2. Develop ridiculous charms. Women are much easier to seduce through charisma than men are; learn how to charm women, make them laugh, and find out how to override their height preferences using charisma and social skills.

    3. Get rich. If you're rich, your height doesn't really matter anymore. Women will flock to you. The wealthier you are, and the nicer the things you own, the more attractive you are to women. Wealth beats height everyday of the week, period. It is the ultimate aphrodisiac for women.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Leg lengthening will (maybe) get him to 5 5 if he's 5 1., But agree it's the BEST idea since he's young.

    • @Intraluminal Yeah, it's not a horrible idea. I might go to 5'6 if I was him (two-stage). He shouldn't have too much trouble at that height, especially if he's muscular and confident.

    • He'll end up with fucked up looking (and maybe working) legs. Still, I agree that's what I'd do.

  • You're lying about the #1 women are picky about. You're setting yourself up for failure. I hope you don't focus on the fact you're a STEM major. Most girls couldn't care less honestly.

    1|1
    0|0
  • Everyone else does not add a few inches. That is not a good strategy You are setting yourself up for failure. Just tell the truth about your height and when you do get a date she will not be surprised.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If you're lying on your dating profile already, girls can kind of expect you to be a liar after they meet you... A bad start.

    0|0
    0|0
  • with the average height of a female in the US being 5'4" ... most girls are gonna be able to eyeball exactly how tall you are. especially when you're standing within a foot or two them.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Lmao how many inches you added brah? 5'1 is pretty low, but if you have problem picking chicks on tinder. U definitely have something worse going on lol Tinder is like easiest thing eber

    0|0
    0|0
  • Almost all women are shallow in general, and when they go online, they get really picky.

    Your chance of finding a woman who will put up with your height is next to zero.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yeah 5'1 is your problem. Girls big no no is dating guys shorter than them. Better start making paper to make up for your height.

    For every 4 inches lower in height than average you are you need to compensate with 100k/year for women.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Its probably the height bro, they just don't want to say because they know they're as shallow as a puddle. I had the same misfortunes with dating, except my defect was that I was skinny as a rail.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...