You better know their past, because it effect your future. You don't want to get involve with anybody who is secretive about it. Mainly their sex life. Because now they will feel comfortable lying to know and next thing you know you caught something or you married a liar. They will take advantage of you even when sometimes they didn't mean to do so purposely. This happened to my mother at 13, and ended up with HPV because they guy never told her he had sex with multiple prostitutes before, and she was a virgin. She recently died of cervical cancer at 44 and I'm now 24. Don't risk it. Know their past. And yes, you do need to make judgements not only for your safety but for their's as well. You have to judge to make better healthier decisions, but in the end, still respect them, still love them regardless of the past mistakes.
It matters in that there are certain things I could hear that would make me lose interest in the girl.
However I'm not sure it's worth asking. First off, a lot of girls react negatively to being questioned about their past. They will try to turn it around on you and start labeling you as judgmental, insecure, or having a small dick. Its just not worth the drama in my opinion.
Also even if they answer, there's a good chance they are lying and leaving out a few of their miscellaneous hookups from the overall tally.
So personally, I think its best to just assign a sexual history to them based on how they present themselves, their personal beliefs, what they do for fun, who they hang out with, etc.
I both care and don't care. I only care if the guy has cheated, abused ex partners and in general just plain behaved badly in relationships. I'd also prefer it if we were kind of on the same level experience-wise but it's not a complete dealbreaker to me. I don't need to know the exact number of people he's been with either. Some people date around and need to go through many people until they find the one they truly want, others hit the jackpot on the first or second try. One isn't better than the other, although the latter is obviously ideal for many people. Otherwise I don't care. If he's clean, he's normal and he's kind (i. e. not a cheater or abuser) there's no reason for me to worry about his ex (es).
We are all the sum of our previous experiences. If you love the person standing in front of you today that is enough. You don't need to know what came before, just know that whatever it was made them the person you fell for.
Unless something bothers you and you feel her past has something to do with it. Then you can dig up in a positive aspect to maybe improve the person. Else it's not necessary. Its past. That's not haunting you at least.
# of previous partners can be one of those things that can either matter a lot or not at all. Example: one of my best friends has been through literally 4x the of relationships I have, not because they're a serial dater/chronic cheater/etc, they just started dating earlier & were just extremely good at recognizing when a relationship was not going to work out and proceeded to leave. Simple fact of the matter was that they weren't interested in wasting anyone's time, so when it came to light that either they or their significant other were looking for something different, the choice was made to end the relationship.
Someone such as yourself could look at my friend and say 'Ooh, that number's pretty high. Must be something wrong with them. Better to avoid this one.'
It matters in that it made you who you are. Maybe you cheated in your past but you learned from it. Or you were abusive or just an asshole. The most important thing is what you learned from your past. We all do stupid shit but if you're not learning from your mistakes, then you're not going to improve or change. I don't care so much about what you've done but more that you're not doing it anymore or that you've learned how to be better. Someone who can't do that isn't worth dating.
unless the person i'm dating has a past that involves cheating, stds that can kill you, or any kind of criminal behaviour (rape, murder, fraud, etc.), then the past is best left where it belongs.
for example, my man was engaged twice before we met, and it doesn't bother me at all. he was honest about it from day one, and he explained why he never made it to the altar. all it means is that our first (and only) marriage will be to each other.
Well, i think it matters - up to a certain degree. Sometimes unfortunately we learn our lessons teh hard way and sometimes you may make an error of judgement. However, the past is indeed a good indicator of the kind of person you are... so yes, it does matter- to a certain level. Because yes, in rare cases or after certain traumatic or impacting experiences, people DO change.
It depends for me. If they lied and cheated and were abusive I'd judge them on that. But if their number of sexual partners wasn't too crazy, less than ten, I wouldn't judge them at all. Sexually, we change
I would judge their past but if they show me different behavior Im open to it. For example, a guy known for flirting with everyone flirted with me, I didn't take him seriously the way Id take someone else seriously because he always did that to everyone. And Im a bit wary about dating the introverted guy because I know an ex of him who told me all sorts of stuff that isn't neccessarily bad but wouldn't match well with me either. I want someone funny who I can get busy with and get wild on parties, not someone always down who barely leaves his room. Im still going on a first date with said guy, but Ill keep my eyes and ears open concerning that behavior.
No I don't care. I mean if someone's physically abusive or a rapist or something I would take that into consideration but I don't need to know a persons entire life story before I deem them worthy of me. We've all done things we regret, learning from them is important and if someone can do that, that makes them worthy to me.
I care to the extend that I want them to be clean & having made a clear cut after their last relationship. People that keep things from their exes or talk about them all the time and way beyond the break up creep me out lol
I find it really difficult to date people who are bitter about past relationships. My ex had been cheated on by many women in the past and he was obsessed with making sure I didn't cheat on him too. If I went out somewhere without telling him, he would freak out on me and accuse me of cheating. I know it wasn't his fault that he was paranoid but I couldn't stand the lack of trust he showed me.
In my opinion who they were with in the past doesn't matter to me. In that aspect, I know they're with me now so it doesn't who was in the past. However, I agree with you on the cheating thing. I don't think that someone that has a history of cheating will magically change their ways
The past does matter to an extent, like for example; if this guy fell in love with this girl and she was his first love, that first love would stand in the way of the present relationship. It would cause a mishap in some way or another.
It's doesn't matter, the past is just that. The past and with every new partner, we all change a little I would think. I don't think it's fair to say somebody will do something just because they've done it in the past.
I have been in long relationships... One cheated on me after over a year, one left after 3 years because he is moving to another country, and the third left to marry someone else their parents chose... Would those be considered reasons for a guy to not want to go out with me?
It's not so much the relationships themselves that I care about but more what it did to the person I am with now and how those past experiences are affecting them in the present. As that knowledge can help me avoid, fix or solve problems, issues, insecurities, etc that they have.
2. If someone was promiscuous when they were 15-19 and now they are 23, 24 years old and have become more stable in relationships, I do think that that people can learn from their mistakes, especially if those mistakes were made in their adolescence.
3. Remember that everyone has some commendable qualities as well as some negative attributes. If you judge others harshly for their past, you must prepare to be judged.
It is indicative of their character so I do care to some extent. It would be unwise to abide by the "the past is in the past and does not matter" idiom. Because it's not. The past is what makes you. Simple.
its not something I really put a lot of though into , maybe I should but its hard to really know a lot about someones past relationships unless you already knew them or there friends. a lot of the time this info would be very hard to find if the person was new and didn't know anything about them
Yep care because i have a hard time being with a woman if i know people she's had sex with her. Yes its bullshit, i'm aware because iv had my fair share of tail but it makes me feel uncomfortable to think that another man has had sex with a woman i love so i avoid it or at least i try.
Nope the past is dead. I do not want to hear about sexual exploits, how many partners or anything like that. If they cheated well then here is their chance. What does that information grant me anyways? Some emotional impact but thats about it.
To ME a woman's past does matter. I like to know what kind of relationships she had in the past. If they all tended to be unstable and full of drama, perhaps that is a pattern that I don't want any part of.
Yes, if they were with a serial killer or super crazy motherfucker... That might come back on me. You should never go into anything blind...
I care about her past sex life, but not her past romantic life.
I date virgins exclusively (because I am one too), and so obviously, i need to know whether she is or not. If she IS a virgin, I couldn't care less about her exes, because she never even had sex with them.
Yes and no. HOWEVER... if you have a history of dating losers, deadbeats and thugs... I will look at your differently.
The past matters for sure, that's how you learn to improve. I cheated on my ex and didn't realize it till after the fact I didn't see it as a problem since I have a f-boy mentality. I was sexting other girls over the internet just flirting and talking, maybe a pic or two