He's not my boyfriend yet but it was official to happen once we get closer to eachother, distance wise. His bestfriend is a girl and when we first started talking, he'd bring her up at the most random moments. I said I wanted a spine tattoo. "My bestfriend has a spine tattoo" "my bestfriend this, my bestfriend that". I instantly felt some type of way because why you keep bringing her up. So the other night I said I don't think I'm going to like her and he instantly got defensive about it. "Idk why, you don't even know her etc. Yesterday our conversation led back to it and he said that's an oh well situation as if to say , I might as well get over it because she not going anywhere. We literally argued all day and almost called it quits because of it. He said he was disappointed because he'd think I'd understand and be able to trust him in a situation like that. He kept saying I'm the only girl he wants, etc. Told him that hurt my feelings, he just says he's sorry for everything he did but he still doesn't see the problem. He compared it to how one day I said I needed time, no correlation in my opinion. I never said I wanted him to stop talking to her , just that I didn't like her. Unfortunately, based of this I don't think I want to be with him anymore. I've dated guys with girl bestfriends but I knew it was nothing. I have a bad feeling about this one and his reactions isn't making it any better. Thoughts? Am I overreacting?
As you are some distance from each other it does make it more difficult o accept an opposite sex best friend you have never met. If he cannot understand your misgivings then he is being insensitive to you. It may all be innocent, but you need to meet her, with an open mind, and judge for yourself. You need to be in a very strong loving relationship to accept this situation. Any good relationship must be based on mutual trust, honesty and respect, otherwise it will fail.
I'd say meet her once and see what's the chemistry like between the two. One could say maybe you're overreacting, but like you said he keeps putting her in every situation. To me it still looks there might be more. Is he simply into his best friend, or its just guys version of bromance. Who knows.
I'd say without getting serious meet her couple of times.
If you aren't even "official" yet and you're already arguing about this, it's likely only going to get worse. If you can't handle him being so close to another girl or having a female best friend he talks about sometimes, then perhaps he is not the right guy for you. I don't necessarily think you are "wrong" to feel this way about it, but relationships are all about compatibility and compromise. So if you feel that it's too much for you and not worth it, then maybe you should distance yourself from him.
I totally get how you feel! I went on 2 dates with this guy and we had been talking. I was trying to see if I wanted to date him. Unfortunately it seemed as though he was trying to make me into the girl he really liked. He has a best friend who is a girl. And while that isn't an issue. He kept seeming disappointed when I didn't act like her.
I feel you. I totally get why you would feel uncomfortable about this. If all he talks about is this girl, well, how the heck are you even supposed to have a conversation with him, You don't know her, and he is with you. Why can't he just have a conversation with you?
If you are having a bad feeling about this, then I think it's a good thing to leave. Listen to your instincts, because they are usually right.
It's up to you but if you have a bad feeling about it and he keeps bringing her up, gets defensive about it and reacts the way he does, I personally would leave it. I could be wrong but it sounds like he has some feelings towards her to keep bringing her up like that: I have a good platonic male friend but don't feel the need to bring him up at every opportunity I get. Sounds a bit suspicious to me...
I could be wrong but personally I don't think I'd want to get myself into that.
You're just going to cause unnecessary drama and frustration in his life by harboring a dislike for a girl you don't even know whom he cares about and who has probably been around longer than you have.
So yeah, for his sake, and to save yourself a headache - leave.
You are not obliged to like all his friends, you just have to accept and tolerate them.
I think he was overly defensive, it's not like your making him choose between the two of you.
This reminds me of a conversation I had yesterday over the phone with one of my closest friends.
He's a guy and he has many female friends. Because of this, his girlfriend was green with jealousy. Apparently, a mutual friend and I were a part of the problem, even though neither of us even live in the same country anymore.
They broke up. When I asked him how felt about the situation, he said "Oh, well -- she's ridiculous -- hey, I wanna go to a meat restaurant when I arrive!"
Trust your gut. Especially if he keeps bringing her up and talking about her spine tattoo.
Mmmmm... As part of one of those girl-guy best friend dynamic duos, I kinda safely tell you that you were wrong to assume they have something going on. Sure, maybe there is but then why would he be trying to date you if she's right there? I talk about my guy best friend all the time, because I want people to understand he's a big part of my life. He does the same with me to his girlfriend- I actually hang out with them a lot and I really like her. I bring him up a lot because he is an important part of my life- like the brother I never had. Anyone I'm dating needs to understand and be ok with that because he comes first. And it's completely and utterly platonic.
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