So after intimacy if a man says "I love you" it generally doesn't mean anything right?

So we've been together for nearly a year now.. and we've not said "I love you" to each other yet. So once when he had.. had a few and we got intimate, he said "I love you" to me. I said "me too" back. Because I wasn't sure if it meant something. Today after we got intimate (he was sober) he said..."love you" again. And I said.. what? And he immediately blushed and said... nope... nothing nothing. And didn't touch on the topic all night. So do you think I should talk to him about it or just let it be?

Updates:
Also I must mention that I tried to tell him that I loved him 6 months into the relationship... and he froze. He wouldn't let me say it and said he wasn't comfortable with the pace... the relationship was moving at. Also another time we had a big fight and I said we don't have anything really strong holding us together. And he said... well I like you but I don't love you. Im not there yet. And that's just me being honest. So after that I haven't really touched on that topic again...

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Most Helpful Girl

  • In my experience I would tell you to move on. I am currently in a relationship with someone who has a huge problem with expressing himself to me. We've been together for 10 years married for 2 and in the beginning it was rocky and has only gotten worse. Mine has always told me he loves me but that is it and nothing more, zero communication and it has led to him going after other women. If he has a problem with communication, commitment or saying I love you after a year, then he has some serious problems that you can not make better. Girl, just save yourself some misery and get out now. People can change but they always do it in their terms and when it is right so if it isn't happening with you, you are not the right one for him. Nothing wrong in that, so lick your wounds get back on your feet and find the one who falls head over heels for you and will do everything it takes to make you know you are his and do everything it takes to keep you. Bottom line, a man in love will naturally do all he can and make a serious effort for the one he falls in love with. He won't be perfect, no one is, but you shouldn't have to question his love or devotion to you. Granted, their are bumps in long lasting relationships but with communication problems can be resolved and I can't stress enough that communication is key. Good luck

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    • That's scary. Because I've had a sinking feeling... that's what my future might look like with him. And now I know. I kept hoping he'd grow closer to me and change. But yeah I do get that feeling that we aren't really right for each other. It sucks cu I gave him more than a year of my life. And I feel so attached. Specially because I put it so much making it work. But then again. This is a year. Not 10 years. And I'd regret it a lot more later I suppose. Thank you so much for your advice. This somehow really hit home.

What Guys Said 33

  • Never trust in anything that a man says when his pants are on the floor.

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    • The best advice I've heard. I'll remember this for the future:)

  • Some guys might say it because they don't know what else to say, but many who say it genuinely feel that way at that moment. Of course, real, genuine love isn't just about the BEST of times, but also about the WORST of times too. How he feels about you when he's stressed or upset or scared means more than how he feels right after sex.

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  • I think you're going to have communication issues. Don't worry, most couples do. And think about it, the answer is given. This is why I think you and him need to work on communication. He said it, you're pretty sure he said it, because obviously you just now repeated it. And then he backed out on what he said. Then said nothing nothing. He doesn't want to talk about it. You put him on the spot. And you are wanting to put him on the spot again by asking? Remember all relationships are unique. He sounds like he doesn't speak his emotions often. That's a sign. That means your going to have to listen carefully and pick the right times to bring a conversation or else... he's going to tuck his emotions. This includes discussions and worsted arguments. It's difficult for guys to say what's up. For gals... when do they not talk emotions. Pick the right time, not on your watch but his. Now if it's affecting you negatively or you're confused about the relationship definitely ask on your watch.

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    • Hey you sussed him out quite accurately... he isn't vocal with his emotions at allll.
      So it took me by surprise when he said something like this...
      I think the most opportune moment to bring it up will be when I think he might say it next..
      I'm worried i'll freak him out if I try to talk about it with him..

  • An intimate encounter generally drives emotions and sometimes an "I Love You" can be spoken with little regard to deep emotional love, but more on par with superficial intimacy chat (also known as pillow talk). This does not mean love can't be true and deep. It depends on far too many factors to get into here, but your relationship is still relatively new.

    If "I Love Yous" are flowing, and it's comfortable, there is nothing wrong with saying it. Sometimes superficial love feelings driven by intimacy can lead to deeper emotional love. In most cases, that's how love starts in today's loose sexual environment.

    If the situation is truly bothering you, discuss it with your boyfriend. Tell him how you feel, and ask him if he feels the same. Don't pressure him, just be inquisitive and let him know it's important to you to know that he is happy and you want to understand where his feelings are in the relationship.

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  • I can relate to your boyfriend at least from the info you have given out. So, my advice is to talk to him about it. But most importantly try to make it casual.. Say something to trigger his thinking and let him do all the talking. For example, you guys are normally talking so u say "by the way... the othernight u said this bla bla bla I was wondering how u really felt about it".. etc. Just a simple sentence and let him talk. Dont give him your opinion.. Just hear him out. Regardless of the way u approach u this, u must talk to him about it in some way. So good luck

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    • That's pretty helpful... it makes it easier to approach the subject. But you said you can relate to him... may I ask in what way? :) thanks.

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    • Now I might relate to him but I do not really know his personality or your relationship situation. Assuming that he has no problem sharing his feelings at all but he just wants to take it slow, here it is: If you want what's best and most comfortable for HIM? Yes leave it as it is. Don't talk about it until he feels comfortable and confident to tell you he loves you... but will that ever happen? See, this relationship is about YOU too. Don't you deserve to know what's going on inside of his head? What if he actually will never get this "love feeling"? Do you want to be the victim? the thing is what I learned is that despite of your or your partner's nature, no relationship is healthy without very very clear communication. Now my advice is yes wait for a while until he maybe says it again. But not for too long honestly... And when you do bring it up do not pressure him at all. Now, if his issue is he is a little shy and/or uncomfortable with sharing his feelings... That is different.

    • When you love someone it is about emotional feelings... not necessarily about the word. How he treats you should answer your question if he loves you. You WILL know! If you need to hear the words from him then let him tell you when he feels its right, but if you feel you must hear the words then do it when you are not in bed.

  • It wasn't out of the blue, it was after sex and it's been a year. I'd say it means something.

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  • It all depends some might mean it and some might just be caught up in the moment. Same goes for women as well

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  • a year in? it SHOULD mean something. if not u need to kick him in the dick. normally a guy will say it right after the first time and throw it around all the time, or not at all. if he just used it now a year in he probably means it.

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    • Thanks ! But he's pretty closed off emotionally. We don't have a lot of heart to heart conversations. Maybe twice in our entire dating history. I'm worried that if I approach this topic, I might scare him off?

    • You should scare him off at this point. If you're having sex & been together for 6 months & he still isn't that into you, it's time to move on...

  • Emotions took control of him for a moment. That is what happens during an orgasm. But when the feeling subsides, he goes back to normal. When I gave my girlfriend her first orgasm, she told me how much she wanted to be with me and loved me so much. But after that, it was pretty much, meh. Well, we did end up getting married, so it worked out in the end.

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  • Let it be but it DOES mean something...

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  • "I love you" is just such a tricky phrase, isn't it? :P

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    • I sense your sarcasm :p

    • No sarcasm at all. It's the simplest three words ever that are the trickiest and most complex when it comes to meaning and interpretation. :)

  • Its just another way for some men to say thank you after sex...

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  • After a year I'd say it might. Some guys (girls too) say it just because it's a heat of the moment thing if not because they are drunk. My measuring stick has been when and how they say it and in what context. Only in the bedroom = just pillow talk so don't put much thought on it. Also actions speak louder than words = if he's a dick most of the time then probably not.

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  • Well, considering that most guys say "I love you" before they come, and not after, I think he might really start loving you!
    Usually after they orgasm, they either roll away from you (and you're just another number being fucked in the hole), or they get closer to you (or say sweet stuff),
    This means you usually are getting his heart.
    It also means he probably would break and cry if you leave.
    Just saying.

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  • I'd talk to him about it. Though, I definitely don't blame you for not taking it seriously he may have been.

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  • I wouldn't say that. It's possible that he means it. It's hard to say.

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  • It means he loves you simple as that. Men are more simple then girls.

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  • It probably means that he loves you.

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  • Unless you already know that he loves you, yeah it means nothing by itself. There are a ton of hormones going through a man's head after orgasm so everything he says should be taken with a grain of salt like you would an intoxicated person.

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  • If he has to say it outside of sex to be valid.

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  • It's a reaction to the rush of pleasure and emotions. Doesn't really mean anything beyond what's in their mind within that few seconds after sex.

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  • I wouldn't say that under any circumstances unless I meant it. But that's just me.

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  • Where are the peeps with experience

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  • Talk to him about it. If you don't feel the same way, it's time for you two to go your separate ways.

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    • Should I talk to him about it? Or wait for him to say that to me again... when he doesn't feel the need to deny it?

    • Talk to him. Don't do the sit on the couch, "We need to talk" thing. Be curious but not super clingy. Just ask. Maybe like "Hey you've said this to me twice now. I'd like for us to both get our feelz out in the open." Or something like that. I don't know, I'm not good with feelz and games, that's part of why I'm quite direct about most things.

  • sounds like he may be working his way too that point. If you want to talk to him about it, be gentle.

    Society teaches men that showing weakness is a bad thing, so opening up and being vulnerable is not easy for many guys.

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  • Depends on the tone I suppose.

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  • yes it means something. it means he loves how good u make him feel.

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  • this is why i dont fuck drunk.

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    • The second time was sober :)

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    • "And he immediately blushed and said... nope... nothing nothing." why would he say this after saying that he loves you? if you love someone just be honest about it and just tell them.

    • It sounds like when you said what... it made him think that you weren't ready to hear I love you. Just get into a casual conversation and let him know that it just caught you off guard when he said I love you. ... I've been down this road with the guy I'm with now and I told him if I say I love you its not something I take lightly. ... I say it and I mean it... we split for a month and he realized that he does love me and he truly wanted to work things out and we are.

  • Talk to him. Sound like he meant it.

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  • mostly u can tell by the way he acts after the intamacy,,

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What Girls Said 20

  • He is just about the sex. In other words he doesn't love you and is only attached to the kind of sex you give him. So no, it doesn't mean anything. You have to mean something to him. He has to already love you. And you just said that he didn't say that. I believe that you should have waited until you heard his initial thought's from his own mouth. I'm sorry to say this, but it was just the moment. It doesn't mean anything. If he really didn't he would say 'nothing', he would be honest even if it emotionally kills him to say it. This happens to many guys after having sex with a girl they never 'loved' before. I personally know it isn't love. But the talk should already have happened, so yes. You do need to talk to him and be serious about it. The sex is getting in the way of the relationship because neither of you are established with building the foundation of what your relationship is about, and all you both are doing is confusing yourselves. This is a very dangerous are to be in.

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  • Talk to him...

    Unless you don't love him?

    My boyfriend told me he loved me 6 months before we dated. We've been together 2 years and every day we tell each other we love each other.

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  • Don't talk to him about it.. He'll either say the same thing again (he doesn't love You) and hurt you a bit or he'll say that he does love you but you won't be satisfied because you'll feel like you coerced him to Say it. Just let him struggle with his own feelings (because I do think he loves you). When he finally comes to term with them. He'll say the words outside of the bed.

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  • Well usually I'd say it doesn't mean anything (because a lot of people say a lot of shit they don't mean during sex) but you said he said it again sober so I'm going to have to say it means something.

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  • Because you messed it up. He said I love you after he got the goodies boo. Stop letting your insecurities get in the way of this mans feelings for you before you run him off. When he was sober you made him feel pretty foolish and don't be mad if he doesn't do again for a while now cause you he went out on a limb and put himself out there and you just disregarded it.

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    • The intention wasn't to make him feel foolish... I was just unsure of what I heard... and also a little startled..
      Also he was so quick to say "no... nothing nothing" almost as though he didn't want to hear it back..
      It made me a bit apprehensive..
      But I don't mind waiting until he's ready again..

  • I would believe him. You've been together long enough.

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  • I was once in your position and I had to let it go. Well, what I have done is not always the solution. If you have been dating for quite some time and you are both comfortable with each other, I guess both of you can talk about it and just be open about what you both feel and decide where it should lead. In a certain relationship, we all have goals on how it should grow and proceed. If you are up for just dating without commitments, and the other guy is serious about commitment, then I don't think you are both gonna work out. And as a woman, you should know your worth too. It all boils down to knowing your worth and your goal in this relationship. If you know these two, then you Cal definitely identify the answer on your confusion. Remember, a 'yes' should simply be 'yes' and a 'no' should be itself. Anything beyond that is destructive.

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  • He got the courage to tell you how he truly feels and you said, "what?" That poor dude, now he will probably think it's a bad idea to ever say it again.

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  • what is had a few? drinks? moments? what?

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  • Sounds like there is definitely something not being expressed and he thought he was ready to let it out. Sounds like y'all need to talk

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  • We all are different! Having our own advice, situations & opinions! There really is no right or wrong answers in regards to this specific private subject!! They call it intimacy for a reason! And, being intimate with your partner, IS the precisely the right timing to say it, mean it, expressing yourself with whom you want to share "love" with and share and give all you got to give!!! Otherwise,... just let them know that you really dig them!!! :)

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  • Talk to him about it, communication is key.

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  • My ex said it during... So I hopped off of that dick quick time 😂😂😂😂

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  • Omg! That's not even a relationship. My boyfriend said I love you in a shorter time span than that. You seem too young for something serious

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  • It does mean nothing no matter the circumstances.

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  • A guy can/will say i love you after sex to mean thank you. he loved the way how the experience feels. he loves the way you made him feel. so he naturally said i love you.
    this doesn't mean he is in love with you. if he has shared this with you before. if you have fought with him, chances are he is still closed up.
    my ex. was the same way.
    he really likes you, you need to give him some space. let him miss you.
    my mistake was i was too nice to him and things were great, except that i didn't create the opportunity for him to fall in love with me.
    your situation sounds similar.
    also, i am wondering about his drinking? if you want to share.

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  • I believe it means something

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  • He means it but doesn't dare to say it. Say it first to him, outside of intercourse, and see how he reacts

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    • He reacted badly to an attempt 6 months ago... im not sure im ready to deal with that again..

    • That's 6 months ago, that doesn't count

  • Guys who say that after sex are playing games

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  • Before being intimate may or may not mean anything but after is when he is fully aware.
    Seems he is just shy that's it 😊

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