Is interracial dating still taboo? Or just not a preferred choice?

So, as the username tells, I'm of Indian descent. Except... I'm not. I was adopted at birth by a White couple, and raised in a community and state that were virtually all White. I sometimes deride myself as "a white boy with a permanent tan."

That being said, I being single in the modern world, have a Tinder; an OkCupid, etc. I primarily am swiping / outreaching to White people (I will STRONGLY EMPHASIZE here that by no means am I a racist or some type of xenophobic... if the right gal came along and she wasn't White, I'd still go for it)

My consternation is that I make what I feel is a considerable effort on these sites, and get virtually NOTHING back. Contrast my friends (White) who seem to get matches and replies left and right.

I live in a large urban part of the country with a substantial young adult population... I'd think I'd have more success than I do?

Ladies, do you sometimes pass on a message or swipe left on a person because they are of a different background? Yes I'm asserting these sites all weigh looks significantly over substance.

Or am I just completely off base in my conclusions?

Granted, I'm no male model or whatever, but still... it seems off how few matches / responses I get relative to my efforts.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Dude, straight up, if you're a minority, you do not (and NEVER will) fit the conventional (White) American standard of beauty. The (White) American standard of beauty is what American people generally use when determining if they like the way someone looks (and if you're on an online dating site, that's literally all you have to go off of). Sure, everyone's got their quirks, some like brown eyes over green, straight hair over curly, tan over reflective-road-hazard pale, etc but the reason why all the White guys around you have a leg up is because the American standard of beauty is the FIRST measure by which Americans will measure attractiveness. Of course, not everyone considers White men attractive, but in America they are the "default" if you will. Don't waste your time trying to meet/match it.

    Play to your strengths. You're a minority, so your experiences are GUARANTEED to be different from your White neighbor's. You're lucky in that girls are way less visual than guys, so personality is going to score you a lot of points. In order for that to be applicable though, you have to actually meet people face-to-face and interact with them. This means you cannot rely upon visual-only based methods of meeting people.

    Personally, I've always liked interracial dating/couples (nature favors diversity), but that being said, I've never seen a relationship succeed because the minority "acted/looked White enough."

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    • you're definitely right. I guess it's just, I try to play up my personality in a message that I may send an online contact, and still nothing. I wish I had more free time to engage in mixers, etc. (I know, I know, make time for the things you want to...). Those are all about personality and that is my true strength.

    • ... You go onto a dating site where people sign up to LOOK at others to determine whether or not they're interested in them, then you wonder why said people are not responding to verbal interaction? Forgive me for saying so, but does this action and desired result seem at all incongruent to you?

Most Helpful Guy

  • With all the gay and gender crap now, Interracial dating should not at all be considered taboo.

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What Girls Said 13

  • Well, I'm currently interracially dating, I think it heavily depends on the person. However, for whatever definitive reason (just being honest here) it seems that Indians (primarily the male populus) are regarded as less attractive in Western society.

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  • Oh my god, all the girl's answers are anonymous. 😒

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  • So we're onto the free the nipple campaign and people are still caught on the skin color of people in relationships? Jesus Christ lol

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  • No it isn't...
    My grandmother was the result of interracial dating... she was born 1919..

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  • Both, in some places is a taboo, in others is a choice, and in others a combination of both.

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  • It's not taboo. Many people just don't like it.

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  • Personally I don't care, I'm white and I'm dating someone of a different ethnicity. It all depends on what the other persons prefences are. Although I don't care some people may care. I also have a few friends that will not go for a certain guy based on there ethnicity only because of the way they were raised and their parents wouldn't approve.

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  • taboo in usa
    and it's better to be in a interracial relationship in Europe

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  • From what I've seen yeah people clame to be more open minded but it's still taboo. I have a black boyfriend and sometimes we get looked at weird if we're in public and I've even had a few people I work with or friends make comments about it. I guess some people can't realize that it's ok to like people of different races

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  • Everyone has their own preference...

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  • It depends on the family, person, etc.
    Also, being raised by a white family doesn't make you any closer to being white :) so describing yourself as a "white boy with a permanent tan" is.. I dunno, a little silly to me.

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  • I don't think so.

    But white gals are getting tired of being fetishized and then thought racist if they don't want a guy primarily into them because of their skin color.

    Online dating, unfortunately, has an overabundance of those types, so it's going to make your plight harder. Try dating more through social connections.

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    • Do you mind clarifying for me on your point? What do you mean with the "fetishization" of white gals and then derision as a racist? As in, almost a Freudian fixation on them by some?

      I mean... I message / outreach to people based on interests/personality. Most of my interests are reflective on the culture I was raised in; ergo, white gals get a lot of my attention.

      Thanks for your opinion!

    • I understand what you're saying. But there are other dudes who seem fixated on dating a white girl because of some weird image they have or as a status symbol, rather than individuals. Then they get mad when the girls don't want to date them (who wants to be an object) and infer she must be racist.

      You're battling the perception that messages and men like this build, unfortunately.

    • That's why interacting in person helps - it's easier to show that you're a normal, cool dude.

  • I thought it was normal to mix these days?

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What Guys Said 10

  • Better get a marriage arranged for yourself back in India. I'm an Indian man too, and I don't suppose women of any other race prefer us. It's the hard truth. The reputation of Indian men in western countries is tarnished beyond redemption. It's not about how we look, but it's about the stereotypes.

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    • Arranged marriage isn't a solution
      And i think it depends on the person

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    • @hotstuffSRD

      Well... I don't know if I can attract girls of other races, because I have never tried. I have other priorities in life now, so I am not ready to date yet. And have been single for 5 years now.

    • @indianskier

      That's alright, pal! Now you know! ;)

  • At least you have a sense of humor... thats a good start. another good place to start is to Get Off Online Dating Apps... :) go outside and meet people.

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    • Oh, I'm extremely successful at mixers, etc. Two numbers from the last one I went to.

      I just don't have the time to commit. So online is sort of a... way to keep options open.

      I can also definitely see why you'd have an MHO badge.

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    • Literal sense.

      I have a 90 minute commute each way (use mass transit), plus 8 hours at work, then factor in time for bros, family, sleep and myself (aka the gym)... yeah that pretty much eats up the day.

      I would love to be in a place where I am having conversations with multiple people... the fact that I'm not (and in full disclosure, with any currently) is why I posed this question in the first place.

      C'est la vie I suppose.

    • c'est la vie my brother...
      but isn't that what Friday nights and weekends are for? socializing?

  • You need to stop looking for the kind of women you find attractive and start looking for the kind of women that find you attractive.

    Very few white women would go out with an Indian man. The ones that will are likely to be in school with or work closely with them. The rate of AMWF is very low, with only AMBF lower.

    I know an awful lot of mixed race couples, and I can't think of any Indian man and white woman. (I do know white men and Indian women).

    Tinder is nothing but a shallow hook up. Women there are only looking for fast sex and those women tend to base everything on looks and physique. Try something different, like eharmony or one of the Indian matchmaking sites (it isn't like matchmaking isn't a thing in India).

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  • To me, it is an absolute taboo.
    The situation in which you find yourself is one of the reasons that I am opposed to that form of international adoption.
    The result can be grossly unfair to the adopted child when they grow up and realise that they are the black sheep in the flock.

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  • See I will tell you what your problem is, you have the same problem I did: You are relying Online Dating.
    Online Dating is incredibly shallow and is devastating on your confidence and self-esteem. Get rid of ALL your online dating profiles and apps and never use them again, I've heard of girls making profiles just for ego boosts. Instead get out there and join groups, go to places where your natural talent shines and can be seen by all. Start shopping for better clothes, even from the thrift store.
    I recommend the book "How to succeed with women" by Ron Louis and David Copeland. It will help you get the mindset you need to approach women in real life. Don't do Online Dating bro. I can see how you are mired in self doubt because of it...

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  • It is, in fact, taboo.

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  • it has never been a real taboo here since I can think back

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  • Oh hey look another person crying because white people don't find them attractive.

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    • Why don't you provide the asker with some advice and help make the world a better place?

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    • @PonyCar also you and I clearly don't live in the same part of the country. Anything even remotely organic or pesticide free would be at least $7.00/lb here... but, I digress.

  • Most guys get ignored on tinder.

    I live in a -very- multiracial city. Indian guys here who are heavily westernized seem to do okay. I would guess they are at some disadvantage to white guys, but it's a much smaller disadvantage than being short, out of shape, poor, etc. Good looking, fit, successful indian guys can do pretty well.

    My cousin (white) is married to a guy who is from india, grew up there, still has a slight accent.

    My impression is that some places have a much stronger 'white girls wanna date white guys' bias than where I live though.

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  • I hate to say it, but you being of Indian appearance or descent is an instant turn off for women.

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