I've been talking to a guy for almost 4 months. We've had sex 4 times and I spent the night with him 3 times. The times we were together was fun and relaxing. there's always laughter and conversation. He told me that he likes me and I told him that I like him. When together he acts as if we are a couple. He holds my hands, cuddles with me, kisses me passionately and kisses me goodbye everytime. The chemistry between us is really strong. Yesterday I asked him what he wants something casual like friends with benefits or something not casual because my feelings are involved. I told him that I like him and I want more from him than just sex. He told me that he has like being single and it's been working for him and he can just focus on himself and it's easier that way. He said his relationships never really worked out and all. He told me that he doesn't want to hurt me. I was upset and told him that I was hurt but I don't hate him. I told him that we could still be friends and hang out etc. The conversation went from sad and serious to light and non serious. But now I'm wondering if I should go back on what I said and just never contact him again and not be his friend. I know what I have to offer and I wanted to give it to him but he wants to be single. I know that I have a very strong, warm and loyal love but he wants to be single. I don't know if he's been hurt frome his past relationships or what. This really hurt me. And even though our conversation eneded on good terms Im feeling heart broken inside and I don't know if I should even be his friend. I don't know if I should just vanish?
Most Helpful Guy
You won't believe this but I'm almost in the same exact predicament except for the fact my ex broke up with me to be with another guy immediately after she broke up with me. I felt that we shared the same feelings for each other, but I guess I was wrong. We did all the things you described and I thought we had both fallen for each other. Suffice to say I fell for her hard and she broke my heart like no other.
From my experience I'd say give it time 3 - 4 weeks of no contact. Let your emotions take their course cry, go out with friends, let out your frustrations. In that period if he felt anything for you, he'll be the one to initiate contact because he feels empty without you. If he doesn't, that time period will have given you plenty of time to get over him and he wasn't worth your time anyways.
At least in your case he didn't lead you on, only to abruptly break up and move on so quickly from you. 😢1
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Most Helpful Girl
Let me just tell you my duties real quick. I met a man at work who's a pretty great guy. We hung out a lot, have a lot in common. Except for one huge thing...
He does not want a relationship now in his life. I don't know if it's just me or with anyone either ( he said he doesn't want one with anyone but he may just not want to hurt me).
Now I didn't listen to him OR my intuition. He told me early on he wasn't ready. I didn't listen and further invested myself.
Fast forward over 2 years later and I've now had to completely distance myself from him. We have not seen each other since April. We have had absolutely NO contact for about 6 weeks. It kills me cause I miss him like crazy! We did nut part ways badly at all. I just realize now I have to do this for me. I obviously didn't (couldn't?) change his mind. We had a great friendship, no drama and lots of good times.
So, take all that in and if you want to be where I'm at 2 years from now, go ahead and do what you're doing. My advice is to move on and heal now.
I know I'm not emotionally ready to be his friend right now, no f'ing way even though I miss him sooo damn much. I only hope I can be his friend in the future.
Best of luck to you. If there's one thing I learned from this is when a person says they aren't ready or don't want a relationship---you MUST believe them and decide from there what you want to do. Don't do what I did and hang onto hope and waste precious time and sanity by hoping they'll change their mind. It sucks real bad.1