I am torn between logical thoughts and nagging feelings.
I've been dating my 1st/only boyfriend 6 years, and I am his 1st/only as well. We have never broken up, nor come close to it. We have polite disagreements, but never fight or even act passive aggressively. He's never made any indication that he is even tempted by other women -- rather, he is very good about calling me when he is away, texting me when he is out, pulling me close in public, and introducing me very lovingly to all his friends and colleagues. He's introduced me to his attractive female friends so that I could become friends with them and I adore every one of them - some I now consider them more MY friends than his. His guy friends all treat me like a sister.
He has a great career, as do I. We are in similar fields, similar interests, enjoy adventurous hobbies. He works hard, is smart, but laid back. He calms me down when I'm stressed. Our families like each other. AND we became engaged recently.
Everyone hails us as the perfect couple, though young (early 20s). BUT here is my secret trouble:
As much as I love my future husband, I have secret doubts I've never told anyone. There is another man (X) whom I've had feelings for for nearly 10 years which started before I met my fiance. We never dated, but came close several times. We were both young, inexperienced, and shied away from each other several times when it never seemed like good timing. We had/have instant chemistry, but are both self-controlled. Personally, I felt too immature to date when X first expressed his feelings for me. I started dating my fiance as a way to "practice" and had it in my mind that I'd eventually end up with X... but never found a reason to break up. X had several gfs, the current one has lasted longest (3 years), but we've stayed friends at arm's length. I have feelings but logically know he would be an equal/less good husband.
I thought the feelings would go away, but they never have. How do I deal with these feelings?
Most Helpful Guy
Confession is good for the soul0
Most Helpful Girl
First, you have no business being engaged having feelings for another man. If those feelings haven't dissipated in 10 years, they aren't about to any time soon. And it's unfair, immature, and ignorant to enter into a marriage knowing you have feelings for another man.
You should tell him so he can decide how to proceed through the relationship. This isn't a decision only you should make. But if I found out my fiancé loved someone else, I'd leave in a heartbeat. I'm the only one you should love, not Sally up the street.1