I don't know where things are going with this relationship. I haven't met his family, he has met my family or kids, and we keep going to the same place over and over again he chooses. He's self centered and is scared of commitment. How do you date a guy that's not on the same page as you? I've pulled back a little. Not putting 110 into this to only get nothing. How do I pull back enough not to give him mixed vibes?
3mo I am ready to move on he has me confused. 110 of my effort, time, and patience. That has run out.
3mo There's nothing to speak out to him other than if he comes back I am gone
you have to communicate. your reaction sounds very healthy and mature. Id say you both need counseling to get through this. Self Centered and scared of committment... you aren't gonna logically convince or emotionally manipulate him to change. He has reservations or wounds and needs help. If you just said... committment issue... that's something else. But self centered... that's gonna be a problem unless you don't mind living with a selfish person... e. g. a narcissist? That's gonna be miserable...
A break up is sure to send a direct vibe, not a mixed one. You can start there. Just as the cherry on the top, I've got a curious question... im trying to understand. You said you are giving 110%, but all I see are a list of demands, wants and expectations. can you clarify what 110 consists of?
He's scared of commitment and stubborn. That's a terrible combination. You did the right thing by pulling back a bit... but, it didn't work. You have two options: 1) Put your foot down. Let him know that his behavior isn't indicative of a person who wants to be in a serious relationship. Tell him that you can understand why he may want to take things slow, but his turtle pace isn't working for you.
2) Find someone who will be on the same page as you.
With my last girlfriend, it took about a year to get her to open up. For an entire year, I was the one planning dates, texting first, and showing affection. I got nothing in return. After that she finally opened up, we had an amazing year together, and one full of resentment. Be persistent, but understand that you may end up resenting him later.
I will be quite frank with you. If a relationship seems to be one directional then what's the point? This is unfortunately how one and only relationship in my life turned. With me putting 120% of my effort just to barely get 1% out of my EX. My solution? Well we spoke and decided it was not working and went our own ways.
If it ain't working it probably ain't gonna work, and no matter how much duct tape you put onto that relationship it will never be quite stable, sorry but some relationships aren't meant to be.
This is just my personal opinion, I don't have much relationship experience but I'm speaking from a logical point of view, as logic is something I always had.