How do I get confidence?

Everyone tells me that is the secret to success with women. But unfortunately I am naturally shy, quiet, and nervous, especially around women I like. So how can I get more confidence and get the girl?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You are not alone!! Lot's of guys have this same problem!! But it doesn't need to be a problem.
    Find a comedian that you really like! For me, it was Robin Williams, and George Carlin.
    Wherever you go, in your normal life, just talk to as many women, of all ages and types, EXCEPT the ones that you like, or think are HOT!!
    Try to make them smile, or laugh!! Mostly checkers, or waitresses, maybe, for most guys?
    Just talk with them, and try to make them smile, and laugh, using something similar to your favorite comedian's style (obviously, some like Eddie Murphy, Richard Prior, and Chris Rock, might not be so good!!)
    Just get comfortable talking with all kinds of women, that you AREN'T INTERESTED IN!!! When you can make them laugh, and smile, and like you, then you can move on to the ones that you kind of like, or think are maybe a little attractive, and just try your 'routine'!!
    Most women say the thing that attracts them most to guys is their sense of humor, and how they make them laugh!!
    The more interactions you have, the more laughs, and smiles you get (oh, and sometimes unexpected phone numbers!!!) the more confident you will start feeling.
    Give it a try!! I KNOW it works, but you have to put your own, PERSONAL spin on it, and BE YOU, to get them to like you!!
    Just remember, women 'sense' insecurity, and lack of confidence, like dogs 'sense' fear!!

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    • Comedians? That is an idea. Just watch them and try to imitate it sort of? A lot of that stuff can be offensive, and doesn't always relate to the situation.

    • That's why you need to practice, and have some sense of what is appropriate, and not!!
      Sometimes it is just the moment, and you can make someone laugh!! I was buying some rather 'naughty' lingerie, for my GF's B-day at the time, and I was trying to unload the rest of the things in the cart, and the dear, little old, 'grandma' asks me if I want a gift receipt for anything, as she scans the tag on the little pink lacy bra. Without missing a beat, I say yeah, like how the hell do you imagine I could get my great big man parts into something that small!! She laughed, and blushed, and thought it was hysterical. Then she found the B-dya car with some other things, and was just laughing and blushing the whole time!!

What Girls Said 1

  • talk to her make my eye contact and quit acting like a turtle only thing she can do is tell you no that's it it's not costing you anything but having a girlfriend

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    • How?

    • Stop acting shy for example if buying something from the store Get the female Clerk not the guy just normal things like that until you get used to it

What Guys Said 5

  • It's like anything else, you have to practice it to get better at it. You'll learn what to say and what not to say, how to act and how not to act, and your nervousness will eventually dissipate. One thing you need to understand is rejection is a normal part of life. Everybody has gotten rejected and you need to not let that get the best of you and make you give up. Yah it sucks, but you have to just keep trying and you'll find somebody! Good luck!

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    • Just keep talking to people? What if there is nothing to say?

    • See that's your issue. You can't just always worry there's not going to be anything to say and then never talk to girls. There is always something to say! It really shouldn't be any different than meeting and talking to any other person. Just try and get to know the person, ask her some general questions and go with the flow! Getting a girlfriend is going to take effort and persistence. Yah you'll probably be nervous and unsuccessful approaching the first girl. But then you'll start to develop the mentality that getting turned down really isn't the end of the world. You'll probably even get turned down multiple times, just like everybody else. But you have to keep trying!! Here's a couple quotes I like to use during times like these:

      "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."
      "It's better to know and be disappointed than to never know and always wonder."
      "He who hesitates, masturbates."

  • "But unfortunately I am naturally shy, quiet, and nervous, especially around women I like. "

    You are 30 years old.. that won't change. My suggestion

    >Get on HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy)
    >Start lifting
    >Buy yourself a nice luxury car
    >Clean up your look
    >Start approaching

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  • Remember the things that you enjoy about yourself. Think about the things at which you excel. Think about why your friends like you in the first place. Reflecting on those traits will reveal the confidence you've had all along.

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    • I have no friends right now... they all left me.

    • Then think about what those people fail to appreciate about you

  • I use to be really shy around everyone girls and guys it didn't matter I was just super shy. Then I started thinking "Whats the point" "Why am I so worried" "Am I scared they won't like me... well they already dont know me and aren't talking to me anyways... so what do I have to lose"

    After awhile of just trying to talk to guys then when I found chill, like okay I have this bro thing down, I was actually talking, I move onto chicks I wasn't into like that at all, then onto chicks that I actually found attractive.. The biggest thing is just dont be a creep dont try and keep the conversation going for too long dont try and ask for her number right away just talk and make her laugh by commenting on something or telling a story, something funny. I found when I made a girl I was into laugh, my confidence just blew up. Now I don't have any problems talking to beautiful women. You just have to believe in yourself and know that if they dont like you there are 100 more where she came from.

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    • Yea socially I am awkward with women. As you said I got the "bro" thing down, I'm fine with other guys, but I am doing something that turns women off. Creeps them out or something, I don't know what and they won't tell me. And how do you be funny? I guess that doesn't come naturally to me

  • Approach a lot of women. After the first 100 you start to get confident and better. - From experience.

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