Are guys afraid to be affectionate?

Guys how affectionate are you towards your woman (kisses, cuddling, etc.) to show her how much you love/care about her and how much she means to you or do you expect her to show all the affection in a relationship? Does your affection or lack there of determine how you feel about your SO? Ladies feel free to answer as well vice versa and everyone be Real!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm usually afraid to at first, because I don't want to seem too "clingy", but if a woman shows me a lot of affection, then I take it as a green light to reciprocate.

    In that case, I'll probably be kissing her every time I get the chance, and I'll always have at least one hand on her - whether it be handholding, linking arms, hugging, etc. and I'm not afraid of doing it in public either.

    When I'm home, I'm willing to cuddle 24/7, even while we're doing other things. If that's too "overbearing" then she can gtfo, and I'll find someone else who appreciates it.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Not at all. I'm an extremely affectionate and loving person. I could never be in a relationship with a guy who wasn't affectionate or didn't like receiving affection. I'd feel unloved and unwanted. I thrive on affection

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What Guys Said 59

  • I think it varies from guy to guy. I'm very affectionate to women no matter what and love cuddling and all that. I'll cuddle up with women I don't love at all and shower them with forehead kisses and such.

    However, if it starts getting more sexual like tongue kiss or even sex, I tend to need to feel a bit more than this kind of affectionate feeling. I need to actually be into them and have this kind of chemistry to really get into it.

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    • In my case since I just love snuggling up and cuddling and giving kisses on the cheek and such no matter how I feel about a girl, I don't do it to "show how much I care about a girl". I do it because I want to. Generally for me the rules are a bit different: to have sexual relations with a girl, I need to care about her. To just cuddle up with her, I don't and could cuddle up with just a friend and sprinkle her with affectionate (not sexual) kisses.

  • I don't have a woman, and never have. Any time I've got anywhere near being close, and any time I've even tried to show the slightest bit of affection to the woman I've been interested in, she's immediately cut off all contact and I've never heard from her again.
    I've never even been able to hold a girl's hand before, let alone been allowed to kiss or cuddle- every woman I've asked for feedback from has told me that I'm weak, pathetic and 'not a real man' for wanting to do these things, and even hinting at doing these things- I've never got to the stage where I was ready to straight-up ask, and I'm not the kind of guy who'd ever do these things to a girl who I wasn''t 100% sure was on the same page and comfortably with it - and told me that the only way to the hearts of other women would be by NOT showing them any affection, EVER.
    The more you go out of your way to show a woman how much you care about her, the more she'll be turned off by it, perceiving you as being a desperate 'loser', and a 'creep'. And she'll instantly reject you the moment that you do, because there's nothing more repugnant in the eyes of a woman that being desperate, and any show of affection is always interpreted as a show of desperation. And it doesn't matter how long you've been with that girl. The instant that she feels that you've come to rely on her for your emotional well-being; in other words, the instant that she feels that you care for her deeply enough to genuinely miss her absence- the pressure will be too much for her to bear, and she'll cut and run.
    So yes, I am now afraid to be affectionate. Very, very afraid. Because as a man, I can't afford to be. Being affectionate is the way to rejection and abandonment, being affectionate is the sure-fire way to never ever be able to have a relationship with any woman.

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  • I'm very affectionate but only to those I have strong feelings for

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  • I would think I'm pretty affectionate. But I try to not let it get out of hand publicly. I think touch is one of my big things - cuddling, holding hands, etc.

    Unfortunately I don't get to do very much of it, as I haven't been in relationships very often or for very long.

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  • Men show their affection by investing their time with their women. They show their affection by making sure your life is running smoothly

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    • ever done is different.

    • everyone*

      true there are different kinds of affection, physical affection is only one kind. a lot of guys are physically affectionate. which is impossible without spending time together lol

      its my job to make my life run smoothly , and ill take physical affection over an assistant manager to my life , any day.

    • @AriadneSky it's not about being an assistant and yes I meant most not all men. Most men solve problems. Thus, if you have an issue, guys want to help find a solution; if they care about you, they'll help you.

  • I'm a very affectionate man towards my woman, i'm not afraid to show emotion.

    Definitely aiming to improve on my dad's legacy because he came off like a money-making android devoid of any time of emotional bonding whatsoever.

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  • I wouldn't be afraid at all. I would clearly show the girl i like her or love her 😍If it has gotten that serious and treat her like a princess. I'm into serious romantic relationships and not all that "just for sex 💩" I would probably even show it in public 😘but not go too far with it and make sure we are both comfortable.
    What pussies are scared to show their girl how much they truly love um like come on now ☹️

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  • I am quite affectionate when it come to relationships and I enjoy showing it! I do not need the same level of affection returned, but I definitely need some otherwise I feel unwanted or like I don't matter much. Silly I know, but that's how it is for me

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    • I know exactly how you feel. Especially the feeling of being unwanted

    • Yeah it really sucks and the only thing you can do is either talk about it and hope it changes or accept it won't change

  • Hell no, I love being affectionate towards my woman. I'll dial it down in public of course but I'll still give her kisses on the cheek and hugs and hold her hand and picks on the lips. I won't make out or anything like that in public.. thats just... not tasteful to me.

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  • Society teaches guys it's not "manly" to show or express feelings (only girls do that). It's stupid in my opinion but that's the mentality for a lot of men. Therefore, not scared, but a lot of guys are very uncomfortable with it. I'm very affectionate but there are various levels for various people of both genders. Some women aren't very affectionate either.

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    • it also teaches women that women are clingy & annoying when being affectionate so a lot are cold and distant. everyone is getting taught the same shit. doesn't matter what gender you attach it to. if a behavior is looked down upohn no one cares where its directed. the message is still clear.

  • Haven't had the chance yet but I think I could be really affectionate. But I wouldn't go out of my way, I would occasionally show it but not all of the time.

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  • I'm an extremely affectionate, love machine, yes ;) If you can't be affectionate with your girlfriend, then what's the point... in anything?

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    • The issue of afraid is an interesting one. How people act is usually determined by influences growing up. Maybe they did not have a positive motherly affectionate figure. Maybe she or he was overbearing, or their love was conditional. All these can tarnish his perception of love going forward, lend to some cynicism of it. Or maybe there's a lot going on with in him, lots of repressions. If he's not that way inclined, then obviously, you can't force people to open up. Personally, affection is very important to me, as I say, what's the point in a relationship without it? You can forgo a lot of stuff, a lot of superficiality, but you can't forgo that.

  • Afraid? Not at all. I'm very affectionate. I don't say how I feel about you, I'll express it with actions and affection.

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  • No I'm not afraid to be affectionate

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  • I think it's directly related to a man's self-esteem. The higher the self-esteem, the more likely he is to be affectionate.

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  • Some people are just more affectionate than other people. It doesn't necessarily mean that they don't like you if they're not as affectionate as you. It depends on the guy or girl.

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  • Must be some (imaginary) stigma attached to this behaviour.
    Overall, I'd say no.

    Let me ask you now in return: over what period of time do you expect him to become.."affectionate"? Is it something you regard as elementary and that should be there without question?

    From personal experience, I have no reason to express my affectionate side to someone I don't know well/care all that much about. This takes time and not every woman is deserving of such.

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  • only to our sons.
    Man code rule 22
    Show your son manliness 101
    Show your son that mens affection must be earned and only given to that of their partner!
    Thats my code my boyfriend 's code is
    Show deathening affection to my boyfriend even if he pleads for mercy

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  • I'm terrified to connect, I'll show affection all day but if you try to connect with me too fast I'll run the other direction. I don't trust when people try to get close to me too quick especially if I'm just trying to do something nice because you've had a shitty week and I happen to think you're too cool for the lame shit that's going on around you.

    It's gotten me into some bizarre spots in life, but you can't make the same mistakes over and over and not call yourself insane or stupid.

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  • I'm very affectionate. If there was a lack of affection in my furture SO I'd probably end things. Who doesn't like to cuddle?

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  • I would say I am very affectionate

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  • We're very affectionate and touchy with each other. I wouldn't want it any other way. I kiss her at home and in public. We hold hands whenever we are walking together. We're happy.

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  • as long as the girl is affectionate, than i will be, otherwise a guy might seem like he's coming on too strong and we always worry about girls pulling that "too soon" shit on us.

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  • I'm a very affectionate guy when I have a girlfriend, lots of hugs, kisses, holding hands, cuddling, etc. Although, a recent relationship I had in which I was used has made me raise my walls and be more protective because I was very hurt by that girl knowing she didn't care. So in a sense, I am afraid to be affectionate until I completely trust the girl and even then I have my guard slightly up in case she pulls a fast one on me like my ex did.

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  • Nope.
    More love the better. ❤️❤️💋💋😘😘☺️😚

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  • I don't get all emotional and shit, but I'm very affectionate. Which, in retrospect, has been a mistake.

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  • Not really the type that likes to touch people or be touched myself. As far as relationships go, I tend to avoid them. So, I'm not a very affectionate person by nature. If that costs me a relationship (if I choose to enter one for whatever reason), then so be it.

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  • Guys have been conditioned by women to not show affection.

    https://youtu.be/gF628DbcJbA

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  • I'm not afraid I just hate that shit.

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  • Sometimes affection is just too much for the receiving party so it must be kept in check.

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What Girls Said 17

  • Depends on the guy. I dislike wording things about behavior as "Do guys/girls" etc. It makes it sound like we're different species and we're all the same as our fellow gender. We aren't. It depends on the person and their culture.

    Example: Portuguese people are very affectionate, in general. Men and women both kiss and hug in greeting as a matter of course, it's normal. Common. They think Americans are strangely reserved with their greetings (unless you are from an American family with their roots in a similar culture). HOWEVER, the Portuguese NEVER say I love you to anyone but their romantic partner. They love their parents, siblings, grandparents, but they don't say "I love you". Amo-te (I love you) is for your romantic partner ONLY. Your platonic relations you wish well, or say go with god, see you later, ciao, etc. So there are many factors involved and gender isn't a good way to gauge it.

    I will say if your partner wants more affection, make an attempt. They should respect your hang ups and understand the roots, but try to strike a balance. Relationships need maintenance, maintaining, which means effort. Effort can be a hug and kiss on the cheek in greeting and a hug and kiss goodnight every night. It can also be not insisting on that in front of co-workers because your honey is from a macho culture and gets up tight. But find balance.

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  • No men can be extremely affectionate. It just depends on the time, place and their mood. Guys would either verbally show it or physically show you and/or both. It just depends on him and how he is because every guy is different.

    My boyfriend is verbally affectionate in ways I don't really understand. Sometimes I think he doesn't care for me (ok wait I think that a lot) but me thinking and him saying is two different things. I'm always physically (virtually) affectionate and verbal about it aswell. Which is something he likes about me.

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  • some are, some aren't. i've witnessed guys who are either pretty much stone cold, give a little affection, give a bit more, a lot more, then those who can't give their girl space to breathe.

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  • Honestly, my boyfriend is way too affectionate. He's the cuddly, kisses type and whatnot I'm the one that isn't affectionate and tells him I need my space. I hate affection and all of it. If my boyfriend is being mushy, I just like at him with my "what the hell are you doing" face.

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    • Lol may I ask what is it you don't like about affection?

    • If you have older brothers, you would understand this, but I have 13 older adoptive brothers who treated me like their actual younger sister. Imagine how much torture that became and I ended up just liking lots and lots of space. Also a fighter so that didn't help. Also come from an army family so not much affection there. Learnt to like my space and everything is done a certain way and extremely rigid way in the family.

  • Yup, (in some cases) they're shy to show it in public, but really affectionate in private, at least in my case. He's a very simple guy.
    but because of that, whenever they're showing their "loving" and "romantic" side in public (even by changing a profile picture from his picture to our picture) , it's really awe me and make it more meaningful, coz it's quite rare, and they'll do it sometimes for the sake of our happiness, coz they know how much it meant for us.

    I learnt that, a guy is showing his love from his action, not specifically into words or PDA, but by spending his time for us, it's great enough ;)

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  • I think it depends on the guy mostly--how he was brought up, what the cultural standards are, etc. I think holding back from physical stuff can often be a sign of respect. I think showing and receiving physical affection can affect how you feel about your SO by making you feel closer, but the amount of affection shown is not necessarily an indicator of how much they care about you. I think it totally depends on the people though. I tend to be the more physically affectionate one in the relationship because that's just who I am, and my guy is more reserved.

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  • i guess its because some internalize their emotions and don't show it :(

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  • Mine isn't afraid ❤️ thank goodness because I love his cuddles

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  • I'm affectionate when I'm really into a guy and I feel safe to do so. I usually let him initiate the affection first as to not make him think I'm some stage 5 clinger or something.

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  • Some men ar emore affectionate than others. In past relationships, the men I was with were not affectionate at all. But, the guy I'm with now is extremely cuddly and affectionate.

    It just depends on the person!

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  • Maybe. I'm definitely the type to feel uncomfortable to show affection... trying to change that though.

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  • I would like to know this too. I wish my boyfriend was more affectionate. Most of the time it's me giving all the attention. I actually try to be aware and not give too much so as not to seem clingy or annoying. I think it just depends on the person and yes, how much they like you. I've had boyfriends in the past that told me I was cold and unaffectionate. Looking back, I just wasn't that attracted to them physically.

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  • I don't like too much affection

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  • No, it depends on the person, not the gender

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  • THere are guys who do not want even to have a relationship with girls and they want to remain single for a very very long time as they dont want to be tight down with a lady.

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  • Physical affection from a guy doesn't even mean he cares about you at all.

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  • I love to be touched, kissed and cuddled. My husband doesn't to this a lot and it bothers me a lot. He says he always gets too hot or his hands hurt from work. It's like wtf? I'm just like whatever?

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    • My SO is the same way. I don't think he realizes it hurts my feelings and I try to express it to him but it's just not his thing I guess.

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    • Omg! Yes!! That's exactly how I feel especially at night when were sleeping with our backs turned to each other. Like I know it gets hot at night but put ur arm around me for at least 5mins. I'm usually the one spooning.

    • Right? It sucks doesn't it. I'm so sick of his excuses. It's hot, I'm tired, my hands hurt, you have no idea how hard I work... that's my fave out of all of them! He acts like I don't work because my job isn't as physical as his.

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