Should you talk about your and his/her past with your significant other?

This question is made from anonymous's question about whether you speak to your partner about your emotional baggage.

I saw some very interesting answers and some people that said they hold back... But I think it is extremely important to be able to talk to your partner about most of you... So the question is:

Should you talk to your partner about your past emotional baggage, and him about his or her about hers? See anonymous question.

Ps: I really liked jaystar's answer on that other question.

  • Yes
    84% (41)65% (34)74% (75)Vote
  • No
    16% (8)35% (18)26% (26)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Intimacy does not simply mean sex, It means becoming familiar with each other's background, being comfortable talking with each other and not being afraid to discuss a subject. Holding back on your partner, by not discussing certain topics, denies them that intimacy and it also implies a certain amount of distrust.

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What Guys Said 18

  • In my experience and opinion, it's very important to share who you are and what you're made of with your significant other.

    I'll only recommend to avoid sharing details about sexual activity with previous partners, because this is unnecessary, pointless, and usually becomes a war.

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  • Ok I vote 'A' aka YES

    But again, it's not meant to be a shoulder to cry on situation but a mutual sharing one.

    It's always good to know other side of the story and accept it with maturity

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  • Yeah, I think so. Maybe not immediately, it will first take some time for the mutual confidence to grow. But you need to learn to know each other including things from the past that may still play :D

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  • Yes, But only if they agree to respect it. And you do the same, as its gotta be mutual or else it can lead to other things.

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  • I think past must be lived by thinking it may be a problem in one day. My past is not a crowded garbage, or a sadness pool. I am still virgin, and didn't love profoundly enough to marry. If in one day I find my wife, and marry; nothing can destroy our happiness :) I just want a clean and neat future for myself and for her, so I wait the same thing.

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  • You can talk about it, but I don't really care about someone's past. She can sit down and talk to me about it, but I can't promise I'll be bothered to listen. I'll just nod my head and smile (that usually does the trick).

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  • I dont dwell on the past because we all make mistakes and learn from them. Talking about past partners is not always a good thing.

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  • Yes, because it's a part of what you've become

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  • If I had a significant other, only if she asked.

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  • Yes, but it shouldn't feel forced (as in "we're going to talk about our respective histories today"). Just becoming familiar with one another is part of being in a relationship.

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  • If she wants to tell me about hers, that's fine. I have none.

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  • People go. Just listen to what they have to say.

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  • yes and no. not if you dont know the person that well if you getting to know them it would be better to just hold off for a while

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  • Only if she asked. I would see it as a way to perhaps set some boundaries and open up a line of communication for growth.

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  • We don't want to know that shit.

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  • No, I'm done talking about my past.

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  • obviously

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  • Not unless it's causing problems

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What Girls Said 11

  • I think it's good to talk about it if the other person wants to. It can be hard bringing up your past with someone. People either understand or they judge you for it. I think it's sad when you try to open up to someone and they judge you. I've had a lot of bad experiences. Not because I'm a bad person, but I made the wrong choice when it came to love. We are all guilty of doing that. I was young, I was naive. But I learned some very important lessons. Also, I trusted people who let me down. That kind of stuff happens to people. It doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with me.

    I've been told I'm a great partner. I just need to find someone who can appreciate me for me.

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    • what a nice answer :) hehe
      good you have learnt from your mistakes and your past.. That is truly how you grow... by learning from your own and other's experiences and not doing them again.

      I hope you find what you're looking for.

    • Thank you :)

  • I believe that it depends on what it is, if you're over it, and if it's vital for them to know.

    I can say there are people who know a lot about me, but not everything, no matter how close we are. There are only two people on this earth that know specific things about me, because they were very old issues that I dealt with and felt no reason to share with others. Be that because of potential judgment, a lack of wanting to talk about it, etc.

    I believe you should be able to be totally open and honest about your baggage with your partner, and often times it's good for them to know, especially if it effects you still. However, I don't blame people for having things that they prefer to keep to themselves, because I certainly do.

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  • yes. the past is important. the past is what forms my present and my future. since he will be in my future, i need to let him know how i came to be the way i am.

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  • Yes. The past is why you are the way you are. If you're really serious about someone and want to spend your life with this person, I think it's extremely important to understand them past, present and future.

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  • I think that we should do cause to be good girlfriend, partner or wife you should be good friend for your S. O.
    We should know each other weak spots and make each other stronger and feel them comfortable with themselves.
    It is said that we fall in love with people who make us fall in love with ourselves.
    We should know and love that person with their past and emotional baggage.
    He should make me see deep and secret side of him and I should share him my deep side just as being happy and funny with him.
    Sometimes we need deep emotional connections and those stories about their past help us to feel like part of our partner and his past life.

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  • I feel like it should be discussed. My boyfriend introduced me to two of his female friends (both in committed relationships) and I ended up becoming good friends with one girl only to find out months later that he had dated both women in the past. I felt like a fool.

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    • :\ ouch.. i can imagine... you should have asked. but if it doesn't matter, then it's okay :)

  • Only to a certain extent. I don't think it is necessary, appropriate or healthy to tell each other every little detail about your past relationships or to talk about them a lot.

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  • yes i think its important to talk of the past

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  • To a certain extent.

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  • Yes , because it helps you get to know who they are and where they've come from. Most of us have a past history , it draws people closer... the more they get to know them. I would never enter into a relationship with a guy if he wasn't open about his past. It's not necessary to go into great detail but being open and honest earns trust.

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  • Depends on the depth of the talk. My ex talked a lot - a bit too much about his ex.
    So then when is too much to know he/she is not over the ex.
    In my case, I was hapoy he was open to share, however, I think he wasn't over her. I still don't know at this point if I was a rebound.
    I agree, our past exp. create a new us. We all talk about our past. It is how is presented.
    I met him a month later, his bday. His ex called to wish him happy Bday. I wasn't happy about it. Then he said they stopped talking since.
    He moved on with another woman three months now, he still calls me... so what's true about this man?
    Did he truly stop talking with his other ex after he met me,? Or was he lying to me and always had contact with her.
    He is an exception to your question.
    We can talk about our past to an extend that's how we learn about ea other.

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