I cheated on my boyfriend and dumped him?

I made the worst decision in my life and cheated on my loving boyfriend with another guy. I dumped him after and I did not realize how ungrateful and spiteful I was until I have lost him forever. I don't think being a player is the way for me, and playing around with many people's feelings is a dick move. I want to change, but I want my ex back too.

When I broke up with him, he didn't reply but he never blocked me on any social media or deleted the apps only we'd talk on. I found out today that he never deleted our relationship status post on FB in the first place. We haven't talked over a month, do you think I actually have a shot getting back with him? I know I destroyed the trust between us, but I will change and do whatever it takes to prove to him I am no longer the heartless, stupid cheater I was.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You can wait a couple of weeks and contact him, but I wouldn't get my hopes up. IF that trust was broken it's going to be so hard to build it back up. Even if you do get back together with him, he might be suspicious with every move you make and become controlling.(at least that's what happens most of the time.)

    For me I would just learn from my mistakes and move on. Maybe start focusing on yourself and take a break from relationships.

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    • It has already been month. I did no contact because I want us to both heal, think rationally and calm down before moving on. I've tried to move on with other people but it didn't work. I understand if he won't take me back. I've broken up with him 8 times before and he'd always take me back. You don't know what you've got till it's gone, I guess. I need to work on becoming a better person, improving myself and focus on my career until I become a better personbefore moving onto a new relationship.

    • Maybe going to counseling might help also, it helped me. But yes focus on your career.

Most Helpful Girl

  • You very well could have a shot at getting him back, you should let him know that you are trying to change as a person, however your love for him hadn't gone away, if he's open to hanging out (first step).

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    • I wrote him a message and I understand maybe I won't be getting him back. I hope he does though, but my expectations aren't high. I mean, if he didn't block or delete me, and our relationship status post he did not delete, is that a good thing?

    • yeh it could!

What Guys Said 20

  • Just leave him alone, at this point he deserves a lot better.

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  • If he's willing, sit down and have a serious talk with him. Tell him all this and how you feel (but make sure it's what you REALLY want first and it's not just because you feel bad because that's not fair to him if he's trying to get over you). Realize that he may not want to talk or get back together but he might be open to it also, it's worth a shot I think if you truly regret it and want him back. But if he's not willing or says he's done with you, don't press it or keep trying, just let him go. Live and learn from it. No matter what, it will take time for him to trust you again, if he ever will. For some, that's something that can't always be repaired.

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    • If he doesn't want to get back together, I will respect his decision and give him my best wishes. I was a horrible girlfriend and I deserve to know the consequences and endure it to become a better person. I don't think I would want to be in a relationship if he doesn't take me back. I would focus on becoming a better person, improving myself and my career. When I am finally mature enough, I will try for a relationship. I love him and didn't know how serious and damaging cheating can be. Guys are people too and can have feelings.

  • The first thing you should do is apologise. Without doing any further move just apologising is a great start. The second move is starting to deal your own issues out. Why did you cheat? (and no shitty excuses like I was lonely/drunk/etc) What did you hope to get out of it? etc and so on.

    Then see how he react and go from there.

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    • I cheated (shamefully) because he was being clingy. And I found someone I liked outside of him. A guy that had a similar career to me. I shouldn't care about careers anyway, now I know the person is more valuable than the looks or career. I love him and I would respect his decision if he no longer wants to be with me. I deserve it. I would work on improving myself and my career before I work on a relationship and become mature enough to handle it.

  • Try to talk to him, but don't keep your hopes high. What you did really hurts, he may not want you back.

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  • You said you want to change but what made you cheat. If that hasn't changed you should hold off. Also you have to talk to him. You have to see what he wants and what's best for him. Trust is the hardest thing to get back. You have to ask yourself if you're ready to try

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  • Dude, just leave him alone. If you say you wanna change, start from scratch. Leave the poor dude alone.

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    • But I want him. I've tried being with other people but it didn't work out. Nome were as good as him. I gave us a month to allow us to calm down and think rationally, no contact.

    • And? So just because you want him you have to have him? It doesn't seem like you've changed at all.

  • I hope he doesn't take you back.

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  • i don't know. but i would say maybe no. but if you want to you should maybe talk to him and not just text him.

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  • The evil person cherishes the moment when finally a girl sees what men do had to go through with you girls for ages.

    But good person in me says: Sorry, but even though he hadn't deleted his relationship status that doesn't mean he'd take you back asap. There could also be another girl healing his heart so he'd find trust again and then he's with another girl.

    All you can do now is wait. At least for a few weeks. Then SLOWLY try to approach him. NOT as a lover, and NOT alone. As you said, you destroyed quite a bit between you two, and it takes just as much to fix this again.

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  • not to be scummy, but like you ladies say about us, we mess up, you want nothing to do with us. shouldn't it go both ways?

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    • Do you think chances of reconciliation is low? I knew I was stupid and horrible. I broke up 8 times with him and he always took me back. I am working on improving myself and if he doesn't take menace, I will respect his decision. I won't get into another relationship until I am mature enough.

    • maybe he can, who knows.

  • Don't waste his or your own time on trying to rekindle. It won't work out at all. He's probably a bit down and needs time to move on because of what you did. You have virtually no chance of getting him back, don't even try to.

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    • But why didn't he block me and he didn't delete the relationship post or status? I know I messed up. I did a month of no contact to allow us to think rationally and move on if we do. I tried dating other guys and it just didn't work. I would respect his decision if he never wants to speak to me again though. I need to work on improving myself, my career and becoming a better person. I need to be more mature first before I get into another relationship again.

    • Maybe he is avoiding social media for the moment. That may be one reason why he hasn't cut the ties yet. Is he active on social media atm? If he's still active on social media and hasn't removed or changed the status, then he is just making it harder for himself to move on.

    • Yes he is still active on social media

  • No. If you still care about him like you claim you do, leave him alone. No contact ever again.

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  • You shouldn't even go back to him..

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  • I don't think you're getting him back.

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  • Anything is possible, I guess.

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    • I've been a complete asshole. Before, I broke up with him 9 times and he'd always take me back. I didn't know how much and how serious he meant to me until I think I have lost him forever. It's been a month of no contact. I didn't contact him because I am giving us time to heal and think rationally. Move on if possible. Dating other people clearly didn't work.

    • All you can do is keep trying or move on.

  • I hope he doesn't take you back. If he does then I actually hope somebody kicks his ass

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  • Let him go. IF he has any self-respect at all, he won't take you back.

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  • Even if he would take you back, and you have changed, I wouldn't try, because even if you have changed, the pain and mistrust will still be there for him, and that would lead to a poisonous relationship. You screwed up and its too late to go back now.

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  • " I found out today that he never deleted our relationship status post on FB in the first place. " hahaha. Why are people gives so important to the social media. Social media is nothing. And it never prove anything.
    I really don't know what exactly happen between you and your ex boyfriend. So I can not suggest something.

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  • Then try to... apologize, face the music, and leave your damn pride at the door. You probably only got a 20-30% chance of getting him back. But without trying, its probably 0%. And never take someone for granted again. You should've given him the option to either take the apology or take the breakup. You not only cheated on him... but dumped him too. That's a double betrayal. So, do the apology now and don't do it over text. Do it in person or at least over the phone. Next time don't fire a shot at someone's heart for no reason other than just the fun of it... it's cruel.

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    • I know it is 0 % because I did a month of no contact to allow us to grow, think rationally and move on. I couldn't because I love him. I didn't know how much he meant to me until I faced the music and realised that I may lose him forever. I will respect his decision wishing him luck if he never speaks to me again. I broke up with him 8 times before because he'd always take me back. I don't know about this time. I need to be more mature and work on becoming a better person and improve myself before I ever consider getting into another relationship again.

    • Well with that history... it's gonna be super hard for him to trust you again. I didn't know about all that... he's being super tolerant of your behavior. You should appreciate that. Most people aren't going to be that forgiving at all.

      Not to be noisey but why did you keep breaking up with him? Why did you cheat?

What Girls Said 11

  • It's not good what you have done but you do seem truly regretful. You can apologize to him, tell him how much he means to you and promise never to do it again but whether or not he takes you back is up to him. If he does, it may be (understandably) more difficult for him to trust you so you may have to reassure him a lot and make sure you NEVER do what you did again. Make sure you break up first before seeing other people if that is what you want to do.

    If he doesn't take you back, all you can do is learn from the experience and not do it again in future relationships.

    I was cheated on before and it's heightened my trust issues and gave me anxiety in my current relationship although I know my boyfriend is not like my ex. I still need a lot or reassurance.

    My ex wanted me back after he cheated on me but I was no longer interested. He was trying to get me back by saying sorry and stuff, offering to write a song about me or help me with whatever, but all I really wanted was for him to learn from the experience and move on. My friend is going out with my exes best friend and the last I heard of it, he still hasn't changed: Still sounds like a pretty uncaring person.

    Sounds like you are different though, and will hopefully change for the better. Whatever happens with you and your ex, just try and learn from the experience because it doesn't feel nice being cheated on, and can't feel nice for you either since it can make you lose someone important to you. Either of those things are not nice feelings.

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    • honestly, he deserves better, or at the very least he deserves not to have the lingering pain and doubt

    • @JayRandomStranger I agree with you there

    • If he doesn't want me back, I won't date and focus on my studies until I am mature enough to date. Cheating is serious and damaging to both parties, I wish I knew how much he meant to me before he left. But is it a positive sign if he didn't delete me on anything and he didn't delete the life event? He didn't bother changing the status, otherwise he would have saw and deleted the life event.

  • From reading this, I think you want him because you think you *might* not be able to get him back.

    Once you have him back, you'll likely cheat again.

    Overall, I say you need to accept the consequences. Leave the heart-broken man be.

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    • I do want to change. If he doesn't want me back, I won't date and focus on my career until I become mature enough to date. I was stupid and broke up with him so many times and he'd always take me back. I know it's my wrong. I didn't know how much he meant to me until I lost him forever. And that one month no contact gave me a glimpse or perhaps, the future forever.

  • Leave the poor guy alone. He must be starting to forget about you. Get with someone else and start anew, but leave the past in the past. You had your chance and you blew it.

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  • leave him alone... he deserves better

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  • Fitst of all, go and aplogize.. it must be sincere.. say that you know what he is going through.. say you're sorry without giving further details about the cheating.. but im warning you even if he the twi of you will get back thing will never ever be like before.. sl dont keep your expectarions high..

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    • I had a month of no contact to allow us to heal and think rationally. Our time together was complicated and full of unresolved emotions and I though this would give us a break and a chance to move on in case. But I didn't realize how serious and damaging cheating was. I don't know if I have a chance because he didn't block me on anything. I just want to talk to him again. If he won't take me back, I would understand and respect his decision. I won't date until I work on becoming a better person, improve myself and career and become more mature.

  • Then apologise and make the changes. Stop wasting your time and do it

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  • Just tell him you're sorry and try to slowly friend him again and maybe he'll give you a shot but I think it may take more than a simple apology...

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    • I know. I broke up with him 8 times before and he'd always take me back. It's now been a month of no contact. I did that so we can heal and possibly move on if that is the case. I just was stupid and didn't know how damaging and serious cheating is. Now I am strongly against it. I understand if he'd never take me back again. I will focus on improving myself and my career until I am mature enough to be in a relationship again.

  • If I were your boyfriend and you cheated on me, I would not forgive. And it doesn't seem like your ex will either. The best you can do at this point is learn a lesson and don't make the same mistake in the future.

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    • I know I was horrible. I broke up with him 8 times and he'd always take me back. I gave a month if NC to move on, but dating other people clearly didn't work. I gave us time to think rationally, calmly and for us to improve ourselves. Clearly I won't be moving onto a new relationship until I am mature enough.

  • It's probably better you leave him alone.

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  • Just... *sigh*

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    • We're human beings and its nornal that we make mistakes. The good thing tho is that you are regretful and remorseful. But I still don't know if its a good idea to go back out with him. Just give him time to heal.

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    • I know, but if advice is asked for...

    • @JayRandomStranger I understand. We make all mistakes in life and I understand that I may not be forgiven. If he doesn't come back, I will not date and focus on my career until I am mature enough to be in a relationship. I just didn't know how important to me he was until he was gone. I just hope I have a chance... if he didn't delete the life event post, maybe...

  • maybe he want to be friends but i doubt he ll go back with you

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    • Being friends is better than nothing though. I just want to talk to him so badly and for him to never stop talking to me...

    • I think it will take time, a lot for being really close and talk everyday, etc...

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