Why is he so scared to make things official? Is "It will go downhill fast" a valid excuse to keep things up in the air?

My guy best friend and I have been 'talking' for over a month. We talk and act like a couple but aren't officially together. We both acknowledge our feelings for one another and have/do act out on them (making out and further... Etc). We are comfortably open with one another physically and emotionally, more open than either of us have been with anyone else and we both have verbally said those exact words. We picture each other in our lives for a long time because we trust each other. When the topic of what we are comes up he says he doesn't know. We both openly said we want to be together but he says every time he gets in a relationship it doesn't end well. He said that if we make it official it'll go downhill just like the other times. (I know he's referring to his last relationship, because the female was not invested in it the same way he was so it didn't end well and he broke it off.) He says he just doesn't want that to happen to us. I understand that because I'm fearful things will fuck up between us as well but how can I sit him down and really define our relationship. We aren't intimate with anyone but each other and he doesn't talk to any girls. His friends tell me how he doesn't talk to anykne even if that's how he tries to come off and that when he's talking to me or about me he's really happy. He's talked to them about the possibility of us being together but that he's scared. I understand that he doesn't want things to be ruined between us but we're past the point of platonic friendship and this whole 'up in the air' type relationship isn't one that I can stay with. I've gone further with him than anyone and I trust him fully and that relationship definition is soothing I just need. Do you think the fear of ruining our relationship is a valid reason to not make things officially official?

Last night I asked him why he's so scared and he said that he doesn't want things to go bad with his relationship history. He says he's scared to f* up so I asked him why he claims to be scared to mess up with me but wasn't scared to mess up with the others and he said it was because I'm more important. Also that he's trying his best to be open minded and open with me but he has a hard time which I get because he's not as comfortable speaking his mind emotionally. He's not good with that stuff I


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What Guys Said 2

  • Nope. It isn't fear. He just won't commit to you. All he wants with you is a fuck buddy relationship. He's lying to you.

  • Come and talk on snapchat


What Girls Said 1

  • He's just sour over the past relationships and he's scared he is going to lose you eventually. He will eventually accept it and give it a try.