Boyfriend gets extremely angry and throws things at me and uses horrible words to me. Is it abuse? Together 6 years. We are 23 . Help me please?

When I mention something to my boyfriend, if I tell him that I'm upset or if he did something I just tell him. The same way I expect him to talk to me if I annoy him or upset him etc. So last night, we had a date night planned, mini golf. But he went gym with his (lesbian female friend) instead and went back to hers to hang out. So our night didn't happen. He said I can come down to his when he is home. 11pm I went down. I just said to him ' why did you go back to hers after the gym when we did have something kinda planned, I'm. Not angry but it just kinda upset me' he lashed out ' Go fuc*in home I don't want you here tonight your nothing but a arsehole, I'll go to her house whenever I want, I don't wanna go stupid mini golf I'm not spending money for us to go do that!!' ( him and his friend went for dinner on Wednesday together) I said you went out with her for dinner and you do more things with her then me he said ' SHE HAS HER OWN MONEY SHE'S NOT LIKE YOU' ( I lost my job a month ago) he stared saying he didn't no if he wants to be with me now and that I had to leave straight away and not to come back to his. he called me a bitch and a arsehole. He started guilt trip me, saying ' I got u chocolates and treats, there all nicely put put on my bed for you was gonna surprise you but now u have ruined the night!!!' He said ' this is my reaction to what you say to me' he said I make him so angry, and I'm jealous of his friend Emma** he also called me 'poison' I can swear that I did not go mad at him or say anything rude or mean. I just said why did u go to hers when you new we planned date night. I told him I feel like I'm below his friend he said ' awh shut the fu*k up your always complaining , your such an arsehole ' I have never even met this friend. He won't let me. I just can't speak my mind ever or something like this will happen. He threw a towel at me, lunged at me, is this abuse? 😢😢😢

Updates:
Everything at the start of our relationship was perfect. He was always sweet nice and kind and did things with me and took me out etc. When he started working 2 years ago he met his friend and he just fights with me about her , and everything is on his terms. I don't think he has a mental health problem because it's just me he's like this with. Some days he can be nice and talk to me and I stay over in his and that's about it. He can be nice when he's not angry with me
So after 3 days of not herring from him. I texted him and asked him what is going on with us. He replied ' I dunno, go away from me , I dunno what u want me to say to you, it's your fault u put us here '

2|0
12|12

Most Helpful Guy

  • Okay there is a lot to cover so listen up. First of reason why you haven't met his female friend is because she is not a lesbian and odds are good that he has been cheating on you. Sorry for the bad news I'm sure you think he would never do that but add it all up he's distant from you pushes you away stays over at her place all the time is aggressive towards you. All of it adds up he's been cheating on you and is treating you like crap because of his own insecurity. I mean I really don't now how you haven't added this up by now you need to leave him and stay away from him for your own safety. Secondly yes he is abusive currently only verbally but he has been showing signs that show soon he will become physically abusive to you if you don't leave him soon. Third thing is that when he puts all the problems on you that is called manipulation he is just manipulating the situation to make you look like the bad one when obviously your not you need to stop letting him treat you like that and leave. The funny thing is I'll bet that when you do leave him he'll try to keep you around and do nice things for like a moment don't let that fool you he'll just start being shity again. The reality is that your better than this and than him and white frankly you deserve better than someone like him who treats you baddly and calls you names and who will be physically abusive if you don't leave him. Plus it's obvious he's already cheating on you; the point is you don't need this drama and this way of life especially when you know that you can do better than him and his bullshit and I promise you can do better than him. So don't hold yourself back anymore leave him and even if he feels nothing about you being gone that's ine because you need someone better than him someone who's going to respect you for who you are and love you someone that won't hurt you mentally or physically and whom wants you to be happy and obviously someone who isn't a cheater which your man really is dear you need to except that as fact at this point. The reality is you can do better so break up with him and don't let him manipulate you in to staying or anything dumb like that you are better and deserve better. That's my two cents about it Iwihwish you luck in whatever it is you decide and in life and future love. I know if you leave you'll find happiness I wish you good luck dear.

    1|1
    0|0
    • Hi i read your replay , im passing a situation similar like hercan you give me advice please.

    • @babyfunny sure just send me a personal message and I'll see if can't help you out. I don't know what settings I have on so you may have to follow my profile to be able to message me. I'll be glad to help though.

    • ok i willfollow you thanks

Most Helpful Girl

  • UGH! This guy sounds miserable. I mean who skips out on date night with their girlfriend to go to the gym? LIKE REALLY? This guy sounds like a real piece of work. I honestly think you deserve better.

    Sounds to me like he treats you like crap. You aren't asking for much. If he's worried about money, then there are always free things you can do. Like a movie night in the house, or a walk on the beach, or even a picnic. I can see being concerned with money. But if he's throwing things at you and blowing off dates, then he's not a very good boyfriend at all.

    He could have told you money was the issue instead of just blowing you off. Also he did go out for dinner, so how was that not spending money?

    It sounds like he's pretty selfish, everything must be how he wants. Sometimes in relationships you have to compromise. He should do some things to make you happy and vice versa. But it sounds like you are the one who always has to bend for him. That's not fair.

    He's throwing stuff at you, and making you feel guilty for asking for his time. That is emotional and physical abuse. You need to get out of this relationship fast!

    1|0
    0|0
    • Thanks for MHO! Honestly, abusive situations start out perfect. That is what hooks you and makes you not want to leave. Because you think it will get back to that perfect state. That is just how they manipulate you. They may even go back to that perfect state for a period of time. But they go back to being the abuser again. They always do. The best thing to do is get out of that situation before you get seriously hurt.

What Guys Said 11

  • Throws things at you... do they hit you or just towards you? Yes this is abuse, verbal at least. He has anger management issues for sure and in my opinion, this behavior is only going to get worst. More often and lead to more abuse (maybe become violent). How often does he get mad at you? I'd consider leaving him. Doesn't sound like a great or healthy relationship at all.

    1|1
    0|0
    • He would get mad when I bring up something he does not like. I feel like I can't voice my opinions or concerns. He just goes crazy. But he voices his concerns I'll take it in and listen to him. He just tells me to go home or that I have ruined the night. Or he gets angry with me because I'm upset over something then it goes back to him. And he's like ' what about Me my feelings tho' he was away for a month from may- June. He went to Spain for a month and I was last to find out also. And he fighted with me everyday while he was there saying I ruined his holiday

    • Yeah this is only going to get worse in my opinion. Get out! He doesn't love or respect you. It can be scary to do but for your sake do it. Go stay with family or friends so you're not alone but leave him.

  • You should never be throwing things and trading blows in a relationship.

    Arguments happen, but there should never be "violence".

    Yeah, I'd say it's abuse.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Now it's towels, next time it can be something different and heavier. He has no respect to you. Now you're jobless, but it's not the reason to treat you like sh*t. He's selfish and greedy. This guy is not gentleman. He's just an as*hole and p*ick. You shouldn't accept his behaviour at all. Sometimes he can be nice to you, but this shouldn't happened at all.

    1|1
    0|0
  • I dont think this is abuse, towels are not hard hitting at all so you where not in danger. However he has absolutely no respect for you.

    I wouldn't leave him based on abuse since this doesn't sound out of the ordinary. Instead id leave him if he doesn't grasp the idea that you can't bail on your girlfriend to hang with others if you already made plans with her. He should have asked you beforehand if hanging out with her was that important.

    1|0
    0|0
  • 6 years.. and now he's doing such things?
    I mean you didn't realize that he has some serious issues until now?
    How you even met?
    Add some details about the start of your relationship

    1|0
    0|0
  • I'm not going to read all of that but just boil things down.
    Voice you concern. If he doesn't give a fuck about your concern then GTFO. I mean seriously.

    2|1
    0|0
    • I do tell him how I feel when he acts like this but somehow it turns back on me and that I'm the bad one and I don't care or think about how he feels. Thank u for writing back to me

  • Stay the fuck away from him okay? I'm not just some stranger on the internet now who you can totally ignore you need to listen to me: stay the fuck away from him. What he's doing is not right, and he's taking you for granted. He'll likely try to win you back over, but decline and keep away from him. He sounds like a dangerous and unstable man, so I wouldn't even be alone around him if I were you. Lastly do you personally know this "lesbian friend", because it's like she's not a lesbian and he's cheating on you. Once again: stay the fuck away from him.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Yes, it's abuse. Leave him immediately. Not tomorrow or later today, right now.

    1|1
    0|0
  • yup.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Leave him. He's cheating, and a piece of trash.

    1|0
    0|0
  • It is abuse. Dump him.. it will escalate.

    1|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 11

  • yes, it's abuse, and it sounds like you need to lose this loser altogether.

    i'd also be willing to bet money that his lesbian friend is neither a lesbian, nor just a friend. you deserve better.

    2|0
    0|0
  • yes that's abuse the way he treats you and i wonder why you're still with a guy who's always choosing her friend than you... and i think 6 years is way too much to stay in such a type of relationship where the guy treats you badly

    2|0
    0|0
  • Obviously it's abuse.

    2|0
    0|0
  • Yes. It doesn't have to be physical to be abuse.

    4|0
    0|0
  • Honestly I did not even read it. I just read the question and yes, it is abuse. Please be safe and leave him now.

    2|0
    0|0
  • Get out of there now!! This won't end well...

    1|0
    0|0
  • HI , i feel bad to hear your story. I Unfortunally , im passing a situation similar to yours. I feel that my boyfriend are loosing the respect for me and he are threat me bad. We fight a lot and he is getting aggressive

    1|0
    0|0
    • You poor thing.😢 I feel your pain. I no how u feel. I don't understand why my boyfriend has turned this way. Maybe it's because I let him 😢 and I need to stop

    • I think your situation isworst than me . Im giving you my advice leave now , if he threat you like that now in the future we may do something worst like slap you or something.
      yesterday i cry all day , im feeling very sick and he didint understand he started arguing about stupid things and we start fighting. He kick me on my leg , is not the first time that he hurts me. I tell my mother about the situation but my family dont give me a lot of support. My older sister say that i should go back to my mothers house , i think will go back because today is kick , tomorrow may be a punch and then he can even kill me.

  • yeah, it's abuse. run away from him.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Yes, that is abuse. Please get help as soon as you can, stay safe! ❤

    1|0
    0|0
  • His lesbian friend who you're not allowed to meet is actually his other girl. That excuse is so old and overdone. And yes, he is an emotionally abusive little brat, and no, it won't get better. Dump him and let him continue to go on dates with a so called lesbian -_-

    1|0
    0|0
  • No that's not abuse at all. That's just a fight. But in fact he's really a assholes he go out with a girl without you and then have a big fight with you sound like he want to break up.
    If you don't have money why do you ask to go on minigolf? You should never ask him and let him prepare a date alone... It's like your a goldigger who use him for his money

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...