ASKED TO BE EXCLUSIVE... NOW GONE?

Have been seeing someone for about 6 weeks who I met on Match. We got together once a week (bad work schedule), and talked on the phone a couple of hours per night. It had gone SO well and everything was great until things started escalating. He knew I didn't do casual/no strings attached sex and was very respectful.

He first said two or so weeks in, "I'd love to be in a relationship with you. I realize it hasn't been long..." I didn't really respond. Another week went by and he said again, "I'd love to be in a relationship with you... once we get to know each other a little better." Still, I didn't say anything. I wasn't really sure if he was asking. Fast forward to 5 weeks... I know he's really looking to move things along, which is great. Well, he asked once more. This particular time he said, "what have I got to do? Get on bended knee?" I asked for what. he said, “to ask you to be exclusive.” I said that I didn’t really know if he was being serious or joking. What I thought was his way of joking around asking about the bended knee, I now think he was upset and meaning, “what do I have to do…get on my knees and beg?”

Well, that was 4 days ago… What used to be a regular, easy, fun relationship has turned silent. I tried to do a little damage control and he did say he would call on the way home from work…didn’t happen. I wrote him a very thoughtful email explaining everything and apologizing for my behavior and saying I did want to be exclusive but had acted out of fear. I asked that he call rather than email back if he wanted to discuss it. I have heard nothing in 4 days!

Is he gone for good? Did I castrate him? This was someone who was very interested and now complete silence. I made an honest attempt to fix things…now he’s disappeared. Opinions? I didn’t do it on purpose…I was truly confused. Punishment, hurt or just moved on?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I guess that you have never heard of the old rule, three strikes and you're out. He gave you three chances and you blew every one of them, so he probably decided that you either weren't interested enough in him or would be too much work (both of which he would have been completely justified to conclude).

    You wrote an e-mail? Really? He may or may not have read it. I get so much junk e-mail in every address that I'd probably never even notice it. You should call or text him.

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    • Thank you. Friday, he said he'd call on the long drive from work, but he didn't. I did call him 2x that night and he didn't answer. The email was my only option at that point since he was avoiding me. Not the best route, but kinda my only route. I may wait a week, let him absorb the email and give him a call. And then move on. Maybe he wasn't interested enough to give me another chance or to accept my apology?

    • You're welcome. Try and look at it from his perspective. Having not even responded to his first two attempts at becoming exclusive and then brushing off his third, you came off badly in his eyes. He may have perceived what you were doing as playing games (trying to make him chase you), which guys, especially at his and your age, despise. It's really hard to recover from that and saying that you were confused or afraid is not a good reason or excuse for what you did. Now, I know that you weren't but it's not hard to see how he could perceive it that way.

      He maybe trying to give you some of your own medicine. You did the right thing by showing him interest (calling him and trying to explain things. Now, you've just got to wait. If he comes back, just try to keep showing him that you are interested and he might get over it. But if you retaliate then you're both going to devolve into game playing and it'll never go anywhere.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Open Lines of Convo, right from the Start here, dear, is the Most Important factor in any New or Old Relationship. Without it, things can Be... Truly confusing, as you have found out.
    By Silence is what you thought Golden, it put a Big Sour ball in his Mouth, and hopefully now, the Special Something you both had going, has not gone South.
    Give him some time to Absorb your email here, dear. maybe he is being Locked lip on his own end to sort of "Punish" you and make you Sweat, like he did all of those Weeks with no reply.
    However, if he never Replies, then move on from him. You don''t Need a Grudge Bearer neither.
    This has taught you a Little Lesson in Life to be more 'Open' but also if Someone cannot accept a Heartfelt Apology, then he is not Worth any of the Time down a Love Line.
    Good luck and Wait it out for now. xx

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    • Thank you for the thoughtful reply. I think/hope, too, it is a punishment. After all, it was a great 6 weeks, honest, communicative and easy. The first two times, in my opinion, was more of a declaration of wanting to be in a relationship, not so much a request. And I totally agree about if he can't accept a sincere apology and we move on from it, then what would it have been like in the future? You are a very wise 32 year old!

    • Thank you, sweetie, yes, wise owl and experienced in many many relationships, believe me. lol
      I think he just needed an answer and then when it came right down to it, he is now "Punishing" you.. See what happens and if he is silent from this day forward, move forward. xxoo

    • Thank you, hun, for the Vote of Confidence. xx

What Guys Said 1

  • You typed email? Couldn't call?

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What Girls Said 2

  • Seems kind of weird I mean there's a difference between a nice guy and a guy who seems persistent. He seems persistent.. and now he's silent. He's not gone for good however just say you're waiting for his response and if he doesn't you'll take t as him moving on. even though sometimes assuming isn't right sometimes it lets others have their outlet and say what on their mind.

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    • Doesn't really sound persistent to me considering they're 45+ . She should have acted more matured than what she did. Everyone has a limit.

    • Thank you. I've never had that happen where something was that good, and then a blip and he's gone. I hope he contacts me, and I tried my best to explain/fix things. I made a mistake and tried to fix it... I don't believe the punishment fit the crime... could have just asked me point blank.

    • @Tombstone1000100 Really tombstone? What's the difference if you're 35 or 65? If anything, I think it's far more difficult the older you get. We all have baggage and histories. You're 22. You have no history. When you're 30 years older, we'll see how easy it is for you. I'm all for constructive criticism. I clearly didn't understand things the way they were intended. My mistake. I owned up to it. Forgiveness is something you'll learn as you mature.

  • I don't think there's anymore you can do. This one is on you for not acting sooner. If he wants to give you another chance he will. I hate to break it to you but you put yourself in a corner and it's a lonely one.

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