What do you do when you aren't interested in a guy on a first date?

This is a huge weakness of mine... I never know if I should pull away from physical contact, reject the kiss, just tell him through text afterwards? i hate hurting people's feelings. So in your opinion... What's the best way to show your not interested during or after a first date?

Updates:
Just so you all know I talked to him about it already. I just told him I'm still into my ex. Lol

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'd probably say getting right to the point and not waiting. If you wait to text him afterwards so much 💩 would have gone through his mind after your first date and he is probably very happy and excited to date you again so he will be even more devastated when you tell him you don't feel the same way

    No matter what you are going to have to tell him that you don't want to date again cause doing stuff like "sure we can get together again sometime" but not really cause you won't respond to his texts or tell him over text instead of in person.

    Ultimately, just say straight up to the dude before you say bye "I had fun hanging out with you (his name) but I don't feel this being more than a friendship" (if you want to still be friends with him

    If not then say something like "you seem like a good guy but I personally don't see myself dating you" keep it nice and simple and dont start by saying details about how good he is (to make him feel better) cause then he will think you are deeply "in love" with him and he just has to try harder.

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    • Awesome advice. Thanks!

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    • @simplyadorable well if you are trying to tell him you don't want to date again then just say to him directly with no confusion "you seem like a cool guy but I don't see us being together"

      Some people start by saying stuff like-you are a great guy, your handsome, funny, out going... but I just don't see us being together. Well fuck--you start off by making the guy excited and think that you like him but ultimately you tell him you don't want to go out again. It's just more dramatic and devastating.

      Maybe I'm just stupid but I don't think guys would like it if you were to do this to them after a first date-they would rather you just get it over with

    • @cause then he will think you are deeply "in love" with him and he just has to try harder.

      yup lol

Most Helpful Girl

  • Thank them for the date and explain I'm not interested in another.

    If they ask, I will explain why. My last date, the guy was so self absorbed it was obnoxious.

    Everything he and I tried to talk about, he'd make it about him somehow.

    I don't ghost people. He took ot rather badly, but did thank me for being "honest".

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What Guys Said 24

  • Being not interested on a first date does happen, i believe who ever initiated it probably understood that as well. The real crime would be if you weren't interested in the person and still accepted to go on the date, yes, i know girls and guys who do that.
    If partway through a date you aren't really feeling the person, on many occasions, the person can tell, but if they can't, have the courtesy of at least waiting it out. Walking out is only reserved for when you can't take it anymore, not disinterest.
    when the date is done, you have to begin initiating things, be the first to thank your date for the event, don't say you had a good time, thats sends the exact opposite message. If your date is your ride back, be sure to thank them again after being dropped off, maybe throw in a little "talk to you later", leave hurriedly. If you have your own transport, thanks and a quick hug.
    Its not really rejection, its just leaving things in the air, which you will clarify later, hopefully after said date tries for a second one. Remember, you do the initiating.

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  • In my case I usually tried to tell them upfront (but not so directly). If they're the pushy kind of girls, I kind of did the whole kind of ghosting thing on them. It was kind of rude but I couldn't figure out a way to put it delicate enough that I just wasn't into them.

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    • I tend to ghost too... I feel like it's better tho. Cause then they hopefully can get the hint and you don't have to actually reject them

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    • @AriadneSky Hope so. I might have misunderstood what "ghosting" meant, I thought it was simply ignoring someone after having declined something if they are being persistent. That said, I might be a bit cowardly there -- there have only been a few times in my life where I found myself in such an awkward spot. But I am very conscientious about the girl's feelings -- if there was any way I could have seen to put it as delicately as possible but still reject without eventually pushing that block/ignore button, I would have done it.

    • right it is ghosting but what I mean is you didn't just ghost. you TOLD her you were not interested. she chose to ignore it. thats really not your problem. i take back what i said earlier. you were clear enough. its not like you said 'well see' then disappeared. you were clear and kind. :-)

  • Above all else, please just be honest. If you don't like me, you don't like me. If I'm not your type, so be it. Don't do the sugarcoating in an attempt to bolster my ego... it really isn't necessary. :)

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  • In my experience girls who were not interested just ghosted me instead of being honest. I wish they'd just tell me straight up.

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  • I've never been on a real date, so I don't know what to tell you.

    Confess up, and get it over with, and stop stringing one another along.

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  • I would prefer you just tell me. Just tell me you don't think it will work and that you don't feel this should go any further. It's much better than ghosting. You keep the guy's hopes up for no reason except your own little comfort. You are being egotistical.

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    • Agreed. Or if it's not being egotistical, it's being afraid... girls don't have to be either around me when it comes to rejection. :)

  • I think not being too enthusiastic is probably the best way, since that lets them feel there's no spark... instead of hoping than taking a blow :-(
    It's nice that you don't want to hurt people, too many of us don't care at all and just kick around them :o

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  • Texting is the weak way out, just be honest and say... you know what, I don't see this happenin! how about you. Usually the two people get a vibe from one another and are on the same page. Just be respectful and that is all the person deserves on the first date.

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  • Just be straight forward and honest

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  • Unfortunately you do have to be a little bit harsh, there's no way around it. I personally just say something like "Well this was fun" but not say anything about meeting again, if they ask just say something along the lines "I don't know, my next few weeks are extremely busy." And when you're leaving just go for a short hug and that's it.

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  • First of all you're going to have to accept you'll always hurt their feelings, always, no way around it.

    If they want to kiss you you'll have to tell them you're not interested right then and there, otherwise you can wait until after the date. But always be honest: tell them you're not attracted, don't make up excuses. If it's something they can work on tell them what it is exactly.

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  • be honest to yourself and to the other person and let them know how you truly feel.. The is no reason to deal with that stuff if u are not interested and no reason to lead them on try to end it fast and smoothly..

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    • But what if he's clearly into me? Like touching me and complimenting me all the time? I don't want to hurt his feelings. rejection sucks

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    • Should I just tell him that when he asks for a second date then?

    • Ya just chill and when he text (because guys are fucking lazy these days) you just simply say you know i had a good time on our last date but i didn't feel a connection and i dont want to waste your time or mine I hope you understand. At this point one of two things will happen
      1. He will bow out and act like he's understanding (hes dying inside cuz he's been rejected lol)
      2. He might make some smartass comment because he wants to redirect it at you and feel like he's in control and its his decision. This is very common for men to do when facing rejection the class you can't fire me i fucking quit scenario.

  • Excuse yourself to the restroom and then bail.

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  • You should definitely pull away from physical contact and reject the kiss. If you can tell him that night that you are feeling "no chemistry" then you should do so. Don't text it later unless he is just a scary dude.

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  • Be straight to It. Say that you aren't interested on dating him at the moment. It's a good answer because It's a truthful one, and It's less destructive than "I don't want do date you!" And it's also good in cases you start liking the person back after you rejected them.

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  • you go on a first date with another guy

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    • We're not exclusive. Lol I'm already dating other people

    • =p bout your ghosting habits. since when do guys pick up on hints? never. keep that in mind when you got a persistent one. hide are the ones that appreciate directness.

    • hide =those

  • By not going on second date? Lol

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    • Well how do you nicely reject that person tho? Like he said id love to see you again? I just say well yeah sorry, I wouldn't? Lol

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    • No as I said I was just reminded of it last night. I usually like stop texting them, or don't read their messages for awhile, but I thought maybe that was a little harsh. And maybe more guys would appreciate me being straight up

    • Yea implying you aren't pussy and can be straight up lol you think max squatting 270 is achievement OP. Just hang low and go NC

  • Depends on the situation. If you are likely to see the guy around town or school regularly, tell him straight up - you don't see him as more than a friend.

    If you won't see him very often or not at all socially, ghosting him is fine.

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    • And you are probably best rejecting the kiss by moving into the hug. I have a How Do I Look up if you want to respond to that :)

  • The blunt honest truth is best.

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  • Well, Why did you go on a date with him in first place? Why weren't you interested and be honest?

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    • Cause we had a lot in common and I don't know I just didn't feel attracted to him

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    • Yeah and I have been led on before and it is kind of annoying. One thing I have learned as a man, either she likes or she don't. The relationships I have been in was cause the girl showed the signs of interest. When you meet a guy your going to know from the beginning that this my GUY. Believe me.

    • It wasn't a relationship... It was a date lmao

  • Just up front say 'I'm not feeling you' or 'I just see you as a friend'

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  • Oh whybdo you closed your ex account

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  • Stay formal, encourage the date to end sooner, say it was nice meeting them, don't text after, if they contact say it was nice but you don't see anything and wish them well.

    Yeah, avoid physical contact for sure.

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What Girls Said 5

  • I still prefer to go at least on a couple more dates just to really understand if I actually don't have any interest in him or if I'm just nervous or something. Especially if I didn't really know him too well prior to dating him. I think it takes time to get to know someone and maybe even a bit more extra time to figure out if you see potential in them or not. But then again it's not entirely impossible to know for sure that they're not right for you, so I guess you'll just have to analyze the situation and see what works best for you.
    I think it's a bit harsh to tell them you're not interested DURING your first date, it's better to do it afterwards when the conversation of possibly having another date comes up. I also don't think you should lie about it, like I don't know if you're still into your ex or not, but if you're not interested you should just say something like "hey, I'm sorry but I just wasn't really feeling it, I'm not interested. Good luck with your future dates." You don't have to lie and say you're into your ex or that you're not ready for a relationship. Just say you're not interested and leave it at that.

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  • Make the Best of a "Bad" situation, @Puppylove94, until the Date and Day Is... Over.
    I have been there, Done that, and one thing I Don't Do, is Lead anyone on to believe there is More in Store.
    However, if they want a Second helping of the "First date," I kindly Text them and Tell them Back, "I'm busy, but I will let you Know, Joe."
    Good luck. xx

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  • I always tell them that I am not ready for a relationship. It is partially true because I am not ready for a relationship with them.

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  • i tell them nicely im not interested. bc thats the courtesy id want. there's nothing awkward in not kissing someone you're NOT attracted to. its terribly awkward to kiss them. there's no reason to kiss a person you dont want to kiss.

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  • do NOT kiss him.
    Just enjoy the fee meal ahahh

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