How to tell my boyfriend my family is racist and wouldn't want me with him?

I met my boyfriend about 2 years ago and we've been dating ever since and it's so amazing. Well we've become really serious to now thinking about marriage!! And I'm so happy at the thought of us starting a life together. But the thing is I've never introduced him to my family as they are racist and wouldn't like him. So what do I do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I had the same issue when I dated a black woman (I'm half-Japanese, half-American).

    My American side of the family wouldn't tolerate it, they're Bible-thumping religious types with hidden racist tendencies. I tried showing photos of us together to my mother and she started turning all passive-aggressive about it, saying vague things like how she doesn't agree with my "lifestyle choices".

    I didn't want to expose my girl to that environment, knowing how unwelcome she'd be made to feel. Our relationship didn't work out (I had to move and it became long-distance), but if I married her, it would have been without the blessing of my mother.

    You might try gently talking to your parents first about it without him. If they can't accept, I would have gone for marriage without their blessing. It's kind of sad to lack your parents' blessing, but excluding them in this way when you first gave them an opportunity might make them warm up to you when they realize the consequences of their actions.

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    • So u think it would possible be n our best interest to get married and then let my parents find out? That way they can't try and stop me

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    • I see -- well, the way I see it is like this. If you want to jump into marriage with him as a way to try to force your family to accept him, I think it's a bad kind of mindset.

      If you want to marry him because you're absolutely in love with him and can imagine yourself being faithful to each other through rough times, through boring times, and you think it's absolutely hopeless to get your family's consent, then I think it's a better mindset. In that case, you wouldn't be trying to force your family to accept so much. You're kind of abandoning them to some degree, and I think that's actually better.

    • That's an extremely rare pairing

Most Helpful Girl

  • My best friend is dealing with the same situation... Her parents finally accept him though. Just let them get used to it. They should just care that you found someone that makes you happy

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    • The thing is my dad would never be ok with it he's made that clear since I was little that I was never ever to be with a black man... and it's y I tried so hard to fight how I felt about my boyfriend but I can't

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    • Do u think my dad would be mad if he made me chose? Because honestly I would pick my boyfriend over my family as they've never treated me well or like a daughter

    • If he makes you choose... Tell him you're the one making this decision, not me. My boyfriend wouldn't make me choose between my boyfriend and my family

What Guys Said 5

  • It is not racist to want to mate with your own race and to have children and grandchildren who are of your own race.
    If you mate with someone of another race, your genetic line will end there. Your children will look nothing like you, or your ancestors.
    I would also encourage you to look up published information about racial differences in intelligence.
    There is a reason why one race left footprints on the Moon and another is still in the Stone Age. It is self-evident that there are big differences.
    They are also big physical differences, which is how pathologists are able to identify the race of a skeleton.

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    • I guess we're not reading the same articles then. Gentical health wise you should 'mate' as far away possible to avoid the show-up of regressive genes. Tight-knit communities like Jews have their own specific genetical health issues. A nastier word for this is inbreeding. Having mixed race kids only stops a purely white heritage, that's your only issue as you're racist.

      In regard to your issue about white men walking on the moon, go to Google and look-up Guion S. Bluford, Jr.

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    • continued.. .
      Your family will most likely disown you, so when the relationship fails you will not have a home to which to return.
      As the distance between yourself and the time at which you left school increases, and you gain more life experience, you will come to understand that what you want to do now was a really bad idea.
      Later on, probably when you are about 30, there is an overwhelming probability that you will be alone, with a couple of rug rats sired by Daquin snapping at your ankles.
      At this point, you will want to return to your family. . . but that will not be an option.
      You will discover that no white man worth having will want to have anything to do with you.
      So, you will be locked into a cycle of one abusive inter-racial relationship after another, or you will become another welfare queen in the 'hood.
      You will have, effectively, destroyed your life and put yourself in a position from which there can be no going back.
      Choose wisely.

    • @cth96190 Though provoking interview. I do not agree with your pov but it was very interesting to hear Mohamed Ali's pov.

  • Just tell him. "The reason I haven't introduced you to my family is because they are racist" Shouldn't be too hard. Especially if you guys are getting married, communication is key.

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    • Do u think it could make him not wanna b with me anymore?

    • He should be understanding and also very supportive of how strong and open minded you are. I'm a minority myself mixed arab and African

    • Agree with @Angie221 , that's how your family feels, not you so he's not likely going to judge you based on them. He knows you like him. The only thing it might do is really disappoint him if he's a religious or really big on family and family unity? But chances of him leaving you over it, very very slim I would think.

  • racism is born of ignorance so maybe if you let them meet him they may realise we are all just human. whether that works or not, your kinda fanning the flames by hiding him. you should be proud of your relationship and have no reason to hide it from anyone, whatever they may think. its you life.

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  • ok this depends what races/culture are we talking about

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    • Me white and him black

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    • @Hawaiikai ... soo not true =P im a xenophile i got this shit haah

  • You have a situation. I say tell them and prepare for whatever consequences may occur.

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What Girls Said 13

  • Just tell them..."I'm worried my family wouldn't want me marrying a _____guy... but I'm in love with you... we're going to get married one day... and if they don't respect my decision to marry you, It's not going to change my feelings about you. They're racist, and they've been like this forever!!! We just have to show them... skin color shouldn't be a reason to hate a person... it IS truly what's inside that matters."

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  • if you love him I see no issue
    your life is your life, not your family's
    just be strong and don't be a wuss, tell both sides the situation
    you are not in any wrong, only they can be
    if a family rejects you cause of something like that, you don't need that kind of family, you gonna have new one
    I'm not saying it's easy but in the end you gotta decide

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  • What do you want to do? Do you want this relationship to survive or are you willing to let die? Whether you like it or not, it's going to come down to your boyfriend or your family. It's up to you to determine that. Just let your boyfriend know what's going on so he can protect himself from your family. It's not his fault he fell for you but he shouldn't have to suffer for it. It's not fair to him. You need to tell him.

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  • Only thing you can do is be honest with him about it. He does deserve to know what a future with you will mean for him and for you.

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  • sometimes you should listn to your heart and fight for what makes you happy

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  • Tell your family who it is that you're dating and if they choose to sit and meet with him then cool but I don't think it would be fair to blindside both your family and your boyfriend or one of the 2 options... let your boyfriend know how racist your family is and if your family is ok with it and your boyfriend is ok with it then you can go about the dinner/meeting

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  • the question should be "how to tell my family that my boyfriends race is a not a damn interest to them".

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  • Fuck it, if you love him and he loves you, it's all good. They'll come to terms with it eventually, try to have a serious talk with them about it and what is specifically bothering them. Show them that he is different, and not what they think he is.

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  • what race are you and what race is he?

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    • I'm white and he's black

    • ok just sit him down and tell him point blank my parents don't think we should be together because of our race difference, but I love you and I don't care what they think about us, you make me happy, and I make you happy and at the end of the day that is that and we are together! (hug and kiss him, you know to make sure he understand that you choose him)

  • Let your family rule you, you'll be unhappy forever

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  • Disown your family. They don't sound like food people

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  • My parents are like that too.. Maybe worse they only allowed me go date guys who were born and raised in my city.

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    • Do they still force you to date who they want or that has changed? :D

    • Since i've never dated... they now told me that i could date guys in the same racial background

    • Hmm that's overwhelming because it's your life :D However do you prefer guys that are not in your race?

  • I have dealt with racist families before and if anyone told me that I would dump them in a heart beat

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