Guys, What does it mean when he says he's just got a lot going on right now?

I met this guy almost a year ago in a class we had together. We became really good friends and talked all the time, but nothing more than that because I had a boyfriend at the time. Earlier this year my boyfriend and I split up and I took a few months before I decided I was ready to tell this guy how I felt. When I did finally decide to tell him I kept it brief and simple, saying that I had a crush on him for a while and I knew he was busy between work and school so I didn't really expect anything to come from it. It took a few days to text me back but when he did he basically said that he was flattered and that he really didn't know what to say. We've remained friends since then and the other day I finally came out and said look I hope it didn't make things weird between us when I told you how I felt about you, and I hope the friendship isn't weird. He replied by saying it wasn't weird and he thought it was really sweet, and that he thinks I'm really attractive, but he's just got a lot going on right now and didn't know what to say. I feel like it's pretty clear he's not interested the same way that I am, and that I should probably just focus on preserving the friendship, but I want to be sure before I close that door forever. He still texts me all the time, likes all my pictures, snaps me almost every day and tells me how amazing I am, but that could all be purely platonic. What should I do guys?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • What no girls replied to this one? sheesh. Anyway, it is good you told your friend, how you feel. In fact it wouldn't be a bad idea to tell him, that if you would like a relationship, and if he is ready for a relationship that he should he tell you as well. However, you may be thinking too much into his response. Relationships can be complicated especially for someone who has been single, and has chosen to be single. He may be focusing on his studies, and his finances. He may also looking to build a life for himself before settling down for a relationship. Today it is harder for people to consider relationships, or making a family because of the problems with making money, and hoping to find a position in life where no one has to worry about the next day. If he is always busy with school, and work, then yes he trying to build a future for himself. He is not thinking about a relationship until he knows he doesn't have to worry about where his next pay check comes from, or whether or not he will finish school with a degree that can guarantee his future for a great career. Having a relationship, which leads to taking care of someone else, and possiblity of a child in the mix, can make his already hard life, harder.

    I am not saying he doesn't want a relationship at all, but would like to know that if he starts one, he can live it peacefully without worrying about his finances. I mean its hard as it is for a single guy to make his bill payments, work a lot of hours a week making next to nothing cause everything is so expensive, and to focus on studying for that exam, without having to add to the basket. In fact maybe once everything plays out nicely and he has his degree, he will be able to relax better and have a great fmaily life. I know thats how i feel right now.

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What Guys Said 20

  • Most of the people on here are trying to spare your feelings. He is too.

    At one time, he probably felt those feelings for you. That time is passed. He accepted his place in the "friend-zone". He doesn't want to date you and out of consideration for your feelings he told you he has a lot going on to keep from crushing your advances like a burnt out cig.

    Move on. Stay friends with the dude because he's a nice guy. Just drop any thoughts of romance. It ain't gonna happen. If you push it, he might throw ya a bone but it ain't gonna work out and it will screw up your friendship for good.

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  • It could be that he's just really that busy and doesn't want to get your hopes u when he knows he can't deliver. Have you thought about a face to face conversation. Texting is so sterile that a lot gets lost.

    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a10152-how-to-talk-to-your-so-about-sex

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  • I think he likes you still and is interested, but obviously he's thinking about the benefits or the consequences (maybe). Maybe he has been in a relationship before and it might hurt to start another one up. Maybe he is having internal issues that he doesn't want to pass on to you. Maybe his baggage is bigger than you might think. You say platonic, I say he's 100% interested and still wants to be in contact with you until he gets his shit together then you can have fun like rabbits and ride the night away. lol

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  • Move on. Trade him in for someone that cares and wants to be with you! He's gone, already, so just let him go and get a better 'model' to replace him!

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  • the very first thing I feel you could do is to stop worrying buddy!
    c'mon, let's face it, he's not that type of guy who is flooded with emotions or feelings. it's evident that he is straightforward and no you don't have to save this friendship because he just doesn't know how bad feelings can get to you. my point is, he'll remain your friend and talk to you, just make sure you do that too. for a sweet yet tough man like this, it's not easy to fall in love. you can get close to him though, but just keep things simple. best of luck anyway!

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  • Huh it always depends on person. He could actually be focused on things happening in his life work problems school... and have no time to actually add some distraction. Or he could be feeling like he is second choice and no one wants to be backup. Or he could really be not interested in you like your cool and all, you are great person but not his type... Lol i was always under impression girls have strong intuition and read situation better than use guys... You know what kind of person he is shy, focused or job...
    And about that part if its weird, probably is not. One of my female friends did same thing you did but she is not my type so i told her and i was careful not to hurt her after all she lowered her guard and put her self in vulnerable position. Its not weird nor do i abuse that actually i am even nicer to her but well she is really not my type and to go over it would just make me hurt her at some point in future.
    So i guess you will have to read situation, what his eyes say and all. Does he look like he is holding back and strugling for some reason, is he uncertain what to do, is he kind of shy... To me he sounded like he is not really interested and trying not to hurt you or that he is in some weird place like being uncertain if he is in relationship or not and not wanting to start something without being clear where he stands. But i dont know him, you do so you will have to listen to your intuition...

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  • He could genuinely "have a lot going on". Responsible guys in their 20's are busy working on laying the foundation for the rest of their life (education, job promo, maybe buying a house, etc) when things calm down in their 30's. Then again that's also sometimes a white lie in an attempt to let you off easy. Dunno about you but this is why most males keep their options open and have a little black book where if one is a maybe/maybe not there's 10 others and the real players keep a dozen in line as spares. In your case I'd just keep him on standby and find someone else until he's ready to make a move. If by that point you are already involved with someone else his loss for taking too long.

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  • Nothing. He is kindly rejecting you and/or not ready for a relationship.

    It seems he is scared of flat out rejecting you for fear of hurting your feelings, which is very common among both genders.

    Anyhow I would start talking to other people.

    Hope this helps!

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  • Here is the translation: He will have sex with you, but he thinks you want an actual relationship, and he doesn't have time or desire for that right now.

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  • He finds you nice to look at but he's either realised that a relationship with you wouldn't add anything of substance to his life or can't be bothered in general... smart guy.

    It's also been only a few months since you broke up with your boyfriend and you already have a replacement lined up...

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  • Why would staying friends with him close that door forever? I don't mean you shouldn't go out with other guys, but doing so doesn't mean you won't break up again. Just stay friends and things will change or they won't.

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  • im in my early 20s, and I would say the same thing. I have a great daily routine going and I am on a great path to setting myself up for future success. I think he could feel the same way, and we would both probably say, adding a girl into the mix could possibly fuck it up. Not a risk im willing to take at the moment.

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  • Time to make a trade in for a newer model. He ain't worth your time

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  • He's ether just a pussy, not keen or sleeping with someone you don't particularly know about and he's waiting till he's not.

    I wouldn't exactly "wait" for him. Your single, do single shit, if after a while he doesn't try to pursue it, he's not keen. If he is, when he's not busy, he'll pursue.

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  • It means the juice isn't worth the squeeze.

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  • He's scared and not ready for a commitment.

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  • Let him handle his shit. 99 problems...

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  • Maintain a friendship. He likes you, but he's got a lot on his plate. Once he sorts it out she'll be right

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  • He's trying to be your friend.

    Maybe he's got cute friends?

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  • He just is not ready for a relationship.. THats all

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