Why can't I fully trust him? do I really just feel guilty?

my boyfriend is really good to me and has never given me a reason not to trust him (well other then the fact that he's cheated on his ex girlfriend multiple times towards the end of their relationship. but it was only at the end when things were really going downhill and he was hoping she would be the one to break it off, he really tried to make it work but she wasn't putting in as much effort so he was just over it) but with me i know he's not cheating because he's always showing me off and im all over his social media and i know his friends and family. we are very serious about each other. but i have been feeling suspicious lately even though he hasn't done anything. maybe he is doing something behind my back that i dont know about, or can it just be because i feel guilty? in the beginning of our relationship i still talked to this other guy for a few weeks. pretending i was single.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • showing you off and being all over his social media are not reasons to assume he's not cheating... but just saying

    i think the fact that he did cheat, even if you say you don't worry, still causes you concern. sure he cheated when the relationship was going downhill BUT it still shows that push coming to shove he will do the dishonorable thing rahter than just confronting an issue (such as ending a relationship). so i think deep down in you there is a part of you that acknowledges that and therefore you have some distrust

    it could also simply be you have been hurt or lied to in relationships or are a bit insecure as most people are

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    • yeah you are so right. he says he wouldn't do it (well ofcourse he'll say that) but its like the lack of care (towards his ex) is a bit alarming. he does say he loved her and hoped things would work out with them while they were dating, but it was too much drama (they were complete opposites, always argued and had misunderstandings and wanted completely different things) and yeah i would feel much better if he would've just broken up with her instead of leading her on while having sex with other girls. he also told me that he has changed a lot, he didn't even want a relationship at first but did start having feelings for me and now is really into it and by being on his social media i mean he's always posting pictures and videos of me, letting everyone know he's taken. but yeah its true i am a bit insecure, most of my past relationships were full of drama and i wasn't expecting to get into a relationship anytime soon either but we do get along nicely and we think alike so we never argue wh

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    • i think even if most people are in a relationship with a guy who's never done anything to you specifically to cause any distrust that their history of infidelity, lying, cheating, or whatever will still weigh heavily in a person's mind. you'll almost always have in the back of your head that seed of doubt that they may be doing what they did in a previous relationship

    • yeah thats true. i didn't think too much into it at first (also because i used to cheat. but i was like 14. now whenever im in a serious relationship, i am serious. even with the guy i talked to, we talked, nothing more) so i know that people can change, but i do have some doubts here and there. i feel like if we get into a huge argument or if i refuse to do some things he wants to do, he might just find someone else behind my back

Most Helpful Girl

  • He's never given you reason to not trust him?
    ... are you serious? You don't think it would be perfectly reasonable to not be able to fully trust him if he cheated on the girl he was with before you multiple times? It doesn't matter if he was unfaithful towards her once, twice, towards the end of their relationship or the beginning. The complete lack of respect towards her as a person as well as the base of their relationship, 100% trust in each other, was all the same.

    There's nothing that guarantees that he won't treat you in the exact same way. If you choose to stay with him, I'm sure you'll be busting your ass so that your relationship doesn't reach the 'already going downhill' stage anytime soon, in which case he'll feel that sticking his dick inside another girl will be perfectly justified.

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What Guys Said 2

  • You can't trust him, because you know for yourself he can't trust you even if he does. Typical, to be honest.

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  • I think you're just being paranoid
    Hope it all turns out ok

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What Girls Said 4

  • I think it's perfectly reasonable to be suspicious of him, especially if this is a pattern that you're used to seeing or know about. I don't think it was right for you talk to the other guy in the beginning of your relationship, but that's the past, and if you feel bad about it, then it's normal you're going to feel guilty. I also think that it is normal to think that there's a possibility the other partner did something unfaithful if you did something similar to the seed of doubt planted in your head.

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  • you probably feel guilty and it's normal to have some trust issues if you know that about his past, but stop worrying. if he doesn't give you any reason to feel this way, you're just causing stress on yourself and in your relationship for no reason. let this feeling go, it's not going to lead anywhere. people change, people make mistakes, what's in his past doesn't define who he is to you.

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  • You feel guilty hun, and his past certainly isn't helping either. Maybe you should talk to him about this. Not necessarily tell him about the "pretending to be single" thing, but tell him about these feelings of doubt, and suspicion so that he can reassure you.

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    • yeah thats true, and we did talk about it and he said he has changed like after things ended with his ex, he didn't want to date anyone, we were just good friends (even though apparently he's always had a crush on me, but i was usually taken so it never really came up) and then he started catching real feelings (instead of just a small crush) and wanted to be with me. and the same thing happened with me, i was curious about what it'd be like to date him (even as friends he always took me out and was just very considerate and nice. and now its like all that good stuff times 10!) so we both didn't care to be in a relationship but then fell for each other. so now everything is going really good but i did feel uneasy for a while (still kind of do) but i brought it up and he did say his mindset has changed a lot when it comes to dating and that he's honest with me (and i do see it because he tells me things he knows i dont like too, like when he smokes ones in a while even though he's trying

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    • thank you (:

    • No problem ^O^

  • i would have trouble trusting him if i was you because of his past history..

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